That trust you wasted on him is a fairly precious thing and that is the toughest item to dispose of and leave behind. That to me is the highest cost and most personal of gifts to reclaim. You will always be a little less in that trust area which is a huge price for your future. Prayers of healing.

Ugh. This post resonates with me. Why do we do this? I'm on my own journey to healing but I will tell you that I think it's about shifting our attention from them - to US. 5 months post separation for me. First two months was as close to the abyss as I've ever been.

What has helped me:

1.) Support from family. People that care about you.
2.) Website called 'ExNoContact'. I had never heard of the concept. Involves making a deliberate decision to no longer contact or respond to the ex-partner.
3.) If you can, make an appointment with a councilor.

Understanding that the pain we're going through will end eventually. IF we're able to reclaim our self-esteem and self confidence. Having contact with the person that brought you the pain - is a set back to healing. No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappointment and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.

"I do not want a half-love, torn, split in half, I have fought and suffered so much that I deserve something whole, intense, indestructible" - Frida Khalo

It will take time and a lot of work to get your life back.

Make a list of everything about him that you didn't like. Put he blocked you at the top of that list. When you start asking why and missing him read that list.

He changed because he had been lying to you. He wasn't lying about putting up a front..

Just in case he unblocks you be sure you have him blocked. He has shown you who he really is. Believe him and start putting your life back together. You will be wiser and learn to stay away from someone like him.

I feel you on this. My ex was the one who left me and gave up on me but still I try and try to save the relationship. We were so happy and now I mean nothing to him.

"I need to know why I'm not good enough. I need to know how he went from "loving me to death" and "being the most important person in his life" to being completely worthless."

This thinking is why you can't move on. You bought his bullshit and believe his lies. You yourself called him an evil man. Why do you give a rat's ass what an evil man thinks of you? Why do you give an evil man the power to determine how YOU feel about YOU and allow him to determine your worth?

I had to skim back on your other post, when Coming
from narc abuse you need to be and feel safe and go
total no contact with Him. It will help you from keep
getting triggered and retraumatized.

I hope you have a good abuse trained therapist also
going to Alanon will help you a great deal. There are
also women's resource centers that Offer abuse help
and support.

Yours sounds more like an abuse situation and you
need to build yourself backup, to get strong From the
inside out. It won't be an easy journey. Keep reaching out
From abuse professionals to help you to recover, HUGS

You guys should for sure be nc period. Especially if no kids. It's really torture to keep in touch. I blocked my ex so he can't see what i am doing and I don't need to be on his page either. We go as much NC as possible but have kids so mainly email. It's a painful process I hate the healing part. Some days finding any joy is near impossible

I think it's important to realize that you may never get the answers you're looking for and honestly you don't need them. Really you don't. Because he's not going to tell you the truth all of a sudden and even if he did (he won't) you're not going to be like, "aha! NOW I can move on." Be grateful that there are no children involved so you really can cut this person off entirely. I know it's hard to believe but you'll think of them less and less as time goes on until it's all just a distant memory. Don't continue to give this person such power as it only makes you feel less of yourself. ❤️