Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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downforthecount 10/02/2007

that a marriage can be worked on? The marital counseling industry makes a living for sure, but if the thing doesn't work, who are we kidding. No amount of SSRI's or therapy, are going to work if you weren't REALLY good friends, REALLY able to get along and REALLY liked one another enough to get beyond the petty bullshyte.

I am not so jaded that I don't think EVERY relationship has its ups and downs and requires patience and effort, but where do people get this idea that you can just "make" something work.

If you are a bd match, accept it and move the F on. Go find someone who is a good match, CHEESE AND RICE!

Not buying today.

deleted_user 10/02/2007

Fine. Give up.

I don't think anyone will try to get in your way if this is your view on things.

It is your opinion after all.

deleted_user 10/02/2007

Well, you can't always make things work. It really depends on what the marriage was based on -- and why it isn't working now. If it is a communication issue, I think people can learn to communicate better with each other and at least have a chance of happiness. Other reasons -- well, as I said, it doesn;t always work.

downforthecount 10/02/2007

For the record, I wasn't the one who thew in the towel. Did I F-up? You betcha, but I wanted to stay, see if we could learn to be better friends, rpopagate some new love and most importantly, stay together as a family for my children. Nope I did not give up. Why the hell do you think I'm so angry?

bigguy3 10/02/2007

A marriage can be worked on ... but both people want to do the work. If one decides that they are not interested, then no amount of counseling will help. I believe the counselor I was seeing with my (now ex) wife could see that things were not going to work out ... but she kept her opinion to herself and let us discover it on our own. I would have saved a bunch of money if she had spoken up earlier.

deleted_user 10/02/2007

My view on marraige counseling is to get both parties in a room together with a trained professional to identify and help the couple sort out the real issues. Once those are identified, unless both are 1000% committed to fixing their problems, they should definately split, IMHO of course. I agree that a marraige can't be "MADE" without effort and hard work. The hard work should begin from Day #1 together and never end. Sometimes life gets in the way however and we tend to forget this simple rule.

deleted_user 10/02/2007

...because you can't let go of that which you have no control over?

downforthecount 10/02/2007

That's precisely what the new age marital scholars are saying IS NOT the problem. People generally communicate just fine...there are a whole host of other issues that cause the dissolution over time...

bigguy3 10/02/2007

Now there is the "misguided belief" ... that people generally communicate just fine. It seems that the biggest contributor to most divorces is the break down of communication. If couples counseling can open the lanes of communication, then a marriage MAY be saved ... but the odds aren't very good.

downforthecount 10/02/2007

who's talking about control? If you can't be yourself...be really true to yourself 100% of the time, it ain't heppening.

I believe I was NOT true to my real self and therefore went down a very wrong road.

How many of us can say we were ALWAYS true to ourselves?

downforthecount 10/02/2007

Hey I didn't post that twice, post that twice.

deleted_user 10/02/2007

A marriage can be worked on if you both want it to work and are truly committed. That said when some one leaves I find it hard to believe that they will ever have the commitment they might have had at one time. They learn that it is easy to leave and so when things get bumpy, they bail on you.

deleted_user 10/02/2007

Commitment = emotional investment.

Sometimes it's hard for people to see why they should invest anymore of themselves into a relationship if they don't feel like they're getting a good return.

deleted_user 10/02/2007

I'm a little confused why this discussion is prompting such bitterness from men I hold in high regard?

deleted_user 10/02/2007

I'm not bitter.
DFC is obviously pretty emotional at the moment. I'm trying to counter his arguments with dispassionate reason instead of trying to add fuel to his fire.

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