Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I remember the time before I met my wife. I had a nice apartment and would spend a lot of time going out with friends and playing the drums. I wasn't in need of a support group, although I was not in a relationship at the time. So, how is this different than my situation now? Do you think that this process is so difficult because of what we have lost? I mean the reality is that I'm in the same situation that I was before I got married. I'm a single dude. Sure things are more complicated now, but really, why should I be sad that I'm single? I didn't give a shit before...so why now?
Even during the course of my marriage, before we had kids, I had changed and matured (at least I like to think so).
Add the emotional duress of the dissolution of your marriage, and it seems reasonable that you react differently to things now than when you did before you got married.
Since I really don't know you that much, nor have I read your journals, I think I can relate to the emptiness. If I may, use this analogy. We are born with empty receptacles, called the glass. As we grow and mature, we fill that glass some how, some way. Some of us fill that glass quicker than others. Many folks will have a glass that only has a few "trickles" of life's experiences.
Some of us, on the otherhand, have a glass that is constantly overflowing. The ones with the few "trickles" have either not experienced life fully, or have not had the fortune to experience good things like: good family & support, good self-esteem, good buddy relationships, good romantic relationships, etc.
Saw yesterday a program, where a kid had 2 head injuries which they think may have lead to his schizoprenia. He had a poor family life, poor teenage life (not fulfilling, not filled with love, and poor financially too), and he became friends to booze and drugs.
He was in a half-way house, after being diagnosed with schizoprenia, and lived in & out many different ones. He was psychologically ill, unfulfilled, and ruled by his disease, that he was so unaware of his biological medical situations: high blood pressure, overweight, enlarged heart, thrombosis, blocked arteries). He was so overwhelmed emotionally, he was totally out of tune physically. He had some pain, in his lungs, went to bed, and died in his sleep (due to fluid in his lungs due to his heart condition). Here's an example of his life, where his glass probably never got more than 1/4 filled, if even that.
Fortunately, most of us get to the 1/2 filled glass, but due to life's hard knocks, we may perceive it as 1/2 full or 1/2 empty. And as life goes on, so does our perception, and so does the glass allow a bit more trickle, or some evaporates. This is constantly changing, based on our life experiences, how we handle the experiences ( good news or heartaches), and how we tend to affix that view in our indelible minds, which will then effect us forever.
Hang in there with me. Now we get to the top killers: death, divorce, drugs, unhapiness, problems with children, problems with spouse or significant others, problems with work, problems with family, problems with friends, problems with money, problems with health. We meet people who have had most of the above, and see what resilience they have, how they bounce back!
We are in awe, as well as confused as to how they are able to do it, while we may have a couple of the problems, and yet are so devastated.
Back to that glass. That glass is made up of sand, and it's permeable. Water can actually gain entry or evaporate other than through the top. Some of these survivors know that secret. They know there's more ways to skin a cat, more ways to gain different perspectives, that give them that lifeline, that rope, to assist them to process, and dive right through the problems. Our hearts are mostly all fragile,as that glass. But our brains vary, as to how we process, how we analyze, how we think we can proceed, if we think we can proceed ahead. Depression, that nasty head, rears itself up over and over again, and creates huge roadblocks.
Why is it some people are less depressed or for shorter periods of time? What is their secret that we admire so much, and yearn for so much? The only thing I can say, is I've watched people, saw their hurts, talked with them, found out how they processed, and just try to emulate the few, who are able to rise above the hurdles, the pain, the insurmountable tasks, and see that they, indeed have done it.
So, I choose to have my glass at least 1/2 full today, tomorrow, and until the day I die. Some days, I need to fight for it, but I know it's worth it. The depression just robs our minds, hearts, souls, and will to live, will to live decently, as we deserve. So I learned, it's not that some people process differently so much as they have a whole hell of alot more resolve than I did.
That resolve is directly related to the glass in the water. Watch, look, listen, and talk with a bunch of people. See what worked for them, and how, specifically HOW THEY GOT THAT RESOLVE!!!
It's part persistence, and it's totally to be on guard, to fight, that enemy, that doubt, that depression, that inadequacy, and all of those demons. Talk out loud, talk to yourself, tell those demons to get the hell out of your head. Surround yourself with positive folks as much as possible. Fake it til you m ake it. Release any endorphine you can, as often as you can.
You have a great sense of humour. That releases our endorphins. Now go ahead, damn it, and release your endorphins!
Sorry, so long, but I don't often get to respond to the respectable, honored, Rman!!! Sending you a huge bear hug, puttin my boob in your face, rub rub, hope ya feel better!!!!
I think it's because you invested in something that you thought was forever, and it turned out to not be. You are sad cuz there's more than you involved as well. Whereas before, it was just you. Now you have kiddo's feelings to consider. It changes the whole view.
boy was I wrong.....
If you would like my fake answer, here we go...
Rman, you just need to go out and have several meaningless liaisons, and then you will be ready for dating. Don't worry about cutting into time that you would spend with the children, as it's more important, now more than ever, you get your dick wet, than to spend time with them (the children). You'll soon be able to resume as you did when you were single.
Hi Z...I'm still sick. Make me some soup please.
ALC...this is a dating site, not a support group.