Its a good sign that this email should be closure for you since she responded. You now need to go no contact. She clearly is pushing back - and you need to respect that and give her space.

I think its possible in some cases to get an ex back, but she has laid her cards on the table - and she needs time and space. Respect that. Hounding her with emails, phone calls, etc. is going to push her further away.

If going through a divorce/break up were easy, this board wouldn't be here. Learn to figure out what you want and stop focusing so much on her. She responded. She needs space. Let it go and focus on you. Figure out what your hobbies are - stay busy with work - get extra hours/training as a doctor in - volunteer - go out with your friends - stay busy.

As a health care provider, if a patient brought you the same problem - said all of what you said above to you and asked for your advice, what would you tell them?

Breathe. You will get through this. If you really truly care about her, respect her wishes and leave her be. Carry on with your own life. I know it sucks - we all know how crippling it is - but start focusing on you. She's given you closure.

xoxo

Yeah. She was very clear she's keeping her space, and doesn't want to be around you while you are still feeling things. This was a "clearing her conscience" letter, no more, no less.

"Should i wait for her to be ready to accept that we were great together?".

- Uhh no.

"I don't want to accept a future without her in it, how am I supposed to survive this nightmare?"

- No one wants to, but she hasn't left you any other options other than to do so.

It's quite clear she does not want to maintain a relationship with you.

Mark,

I think she is trying to push away.. she dosn't want a relationship and may never.. but that said..
Years from now who knows what happens.. where people end up.. I would move on with my life.. as I have to do.. too.. though it's not what I wanted either..

Do your things meet new people find someone else..
If some day this is meant to be again it will but it is probably years from now if at all.

Sorry I know how hard it is to hear it.. I feel the same about me.. and my STBX.. but we I guess we just have to move on.. see what this life holds for us..

There must be a reason this has happened in our lives.. maybe god or our angels looking over us thought we should not be with these people.. maybe they are not good for us.

She was kind and wrote you back. Accept that and drop contact. She (as the others clearly stated) does not want to be with you. Let her go.

Some of these posts are really hard to take.
I need to believe in something, otherwise i'm lost completely.
Someone has tried to tell me that she doesn't care for me at all, and all of that, i just can't believe that.
I will continue to improve myself but hope is all i have left, even if it's running very dry.
Much love to you all

If you read what she said, she says she does care about you, but not in the way you want her to care. She would like to be friends with you at some point in the future. That says it all - nobody wants to be friends with someone they plan to have a romantic relationship with in the future. She's taking her space because you wouldn't give it to her. She's asking you to back off so she can heal, and so you can do the same. Stop having hope for her. She's not coming back to you. It sucks, I know. It's hard to hear and to take. But the sooner this finally sinks in for you, the sooner you can heal your heart and become whole again. Holding out hope for something she has no desire for just keeps you stuck in this moment. Being stuck is not a good feeling. Time to stop all contact with her, say goodbye, and move on. You'll be all right in time.

She respects you as a person and a friend, nothing more.

Accept that and realize it means you can move on, without hatred. And that you have good qualities that someone else out there will appreciate and love.

She definitely is letting you know that it's over and, based on that email, did it in a very kind and grown-up manner. I would go NC and begin the proces of moving past this.

No .

You need to believe in YOURSELF not in someone else...the possibility OF someone else.

That's the only thing that can get you through. Believing that "oh this is temporary" or "she'll see how we need to be together" is not realistic.

Hang your hopes and dreams for the future on what you CAN influence and control. YOURSELF.

It sounds to me like she is saying she wishes you the best and to move on with your life. She cares about your happiness but doesn't want to be together right now, maybe never. Take now to work on you and not focus on her, you need to respect her request for some space. If its meant to be, she will be back.

If the only reason she broke up with you was because you didn't give her enough space, then I am going to go out on a limb here and say that it is possible, in time and with proof that you have changed that aspect, that she will want a relationship with you again.

I know I have sent similar emails or said similar things to my ex's. I cared about them, wished them the best, yadda yadda...I meant it to "sound" like it was over, but in my heart I was wishing that the person would make the changes necessary to save the relationship.

You may not like the responses, I know I wouldn't if I had feelings for someone still, wanted to be with them and didn't want it over. But truth be told that she had told you when she broke up with you that she and you needed some space away from each other and you needed to learn to give her that space whether if she stayed in a relationship with you or not. But what you did, was continue to contact her even tho she asked you not to. If you wouldn't have contacted her after that initial talk where she said to please give her space, things may have been different. But what you are showing her is this is the kind of guy you are and how you will be in a relationship. She does not want someone like that.

I believe people can change, sure. But I also believe that people will continue to hold on to those tendencies cus that is how they are and want to be in a relationship. My suggestion would be to find someone who wants the kind of attention you will give to them and the relationship. She does not want that kind of guy or relationship regardless of what a great guy you may be. Its just not for her. So go find someone who will relish in all the attention that you give.

Yeah, Chi, and Bitter nailed it.

And you are correct. If I were emotionally bogged down and focused on getting back what I lost, shit no I wouldn't like the responses, as they are in direct conflict with my goals. However, we aren't emotionally attached to your situation, which means we are able to see things you don't want to see.

Re-read that email for the 1000th time. Look at the facts only, and remove any assumptions you are making, or agenda you have. It's a different email, isn't it?

I interpret it as such. And hey, I could be totally wrong.
-------------------------------------------------
Hi Mark,

You have been non-stop up my ass with the emails, and texts and phone calls, so I went no contact, so I could breathe.

I don't wanna crush you into the ground, or paint you as stalkeresque, but I had to for my own sanity.

I'm gonna say some positive things for you, which intentionally don't mention me, but you moving forward on your own without me.

I'm gonna apologize, I care a lot about you and I want you to be happy, but realize, it's not going to be with me. You are a good guy, but not what I am looking for anymore.

I need you off my ass, so I can heal, I hope you use this time heal as well, eventually I hope we can have a conversation as friends, and leading up to no more than a simple information exchange, with no hidden agenda, and to catch up.

Until I then, which may be never, do your club and job thing, and move on.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's what I read. I think she wants the best for you, as long as there's you have no intent of pursuing her.

I know what you read, or read into, believe me, I would make outrageous assumptions about why my ex didn't use the word
"love" or take two words that meant nothing and string them together just to get some hope out of the words I was seeing.

Cease and desist, you will drive yourself nuts.

Of course these replies aren't going to be what you want to hear. You still want to be with her and I can dig that but think about it long and hard. Do you want to be her second or third choice? The safety net if all else fails? Or would you rather be with someone who wants you as much as you want them?

When we say focus on you, it's not just about healing it's about shifting your vision to who you should love and care for first and foremost. Waiting around for someone who broke your heart for whatever reason is not loving yourself. Once you understand that, you will begin to see differently. The obsession with the 'what if's' will fade. The constant wondering what she is up to will stop and eventually, you will start to find happiness in yourself without her.
Will the pain ever go away? I am not there yet but damn it if I don't feel great today!
Yea, it's a see-saw, a roller coaster...or my favorite, the merry-go-round. See, on the merry-go -round, you never go anywhere but up and down and round and round. But it is so easy to get off even when it's moving. You may lose you balance and it might hurt when you fall but then you see how far you went and realize that it didn't hurt that bad compared to the first time. When you are finally off, you can turn around and look and see how crazy it looks with all the confusion and mirrors and flashing lights...and be proud that you made it off.

You can do this and if you don't think you can, know that many have come before you and have. Have some faith in you!

I am not off this ride yet but I am here to tell you that it does get better, easier and I am feeling better...shift your focus!! This will always be a part of you. Accept it. Embrace it. Allow it to be. Then love yourself. Do things you like to do. Be with people who are like you. Be active and feel good in any way you want to. It is your life and it is too precious to waste on someone unworthy.

Look Mark, I have been right where you are. Shit, my feet are still muddy from the muck I was wading through. You have received a ton of good advice and feedback from your question. Take some real time to contemplate it.

I know it is a lot. You have a lot to process and think about but now is the time to think about you...