Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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What I am even doing?

jprjat
jprjat
I am having a very difficult time and really looking for support. I have been married for nearly 15 years most of which I have to say have been full of tears and heartbreak. We have 4 kids (14, 12, 11, and 8). He has cheated and left me on more than one occasion. We have always managed to get back together but never really working anything out. Well true to who we are, 9 months ago he left me again. For the first 5 or 6 months we barely talked and he barely saw the kids. I filed for divorce in January. He started coming around more and finally taking the kids on his weekends. No financial support whatsoever since the split. Well he has been coming around more and more and we are speaking to each other and we have talked about some issues that we have had and again that if we ever want it to work out it will take alot of work and time. Here is the thing, I love this man with all my heart and I have always believed in marriage and staying together but I am so tired of hurting and crying. I know deep down he is a great man but I dont see that man very often. It tears me apart to let him go. I have thought about it so many times but I am so scared to let him go. I know what I need to do but my heart hasnt quite caught up to my brain. I feel very weak most of the time and especially when he comes around. I remind myself of all the hurt and pain he has caused but I still miss him. Please I need support and encouragement because I cant do this on my own.
lookingforclosure
lookingforclosure
Ummm...good for you, Sofia. Anywho, jprjat, could you do me a favor, and get a little angry? He comes and goes at random, to "see the kids" and take things along the way? Not saying you need to be angry all the time, but choose a battle, and give him some hell. When he mentions that he will try to get full custody, when he hasn't paid a nickel for child support...is your lawyer doing anything to get you support while the divorce is still pending? At the least, maybe you could make out a list, and next time he "drops by" give him the list letting him know it would be helpful if he picked this stuff up for the kids.
dashy120
dashy120
I love my husband despite all the crap he has put me through. Understand the fear of letting go. I am there too and have to remind myself that he betrayed our trust and most importantly is not fully willing to commit himself to repair what we lost. That hurts the most. It's all about him. Me me me. That's all I hear. I wonder what happened to us.

Stay strong.
jprjat
jprjat
Lookingforclosure---your post made me chuckle. Gosh get angry. I know right. You would think that would be easy after all he has said and done and the things he dont do such as give support for the kids. Why oh why cant I get angry at him. I am working up to it. I know that sounds silly but I am trying. I get angry in my head and then when he is in front of me most of the times I just cave in. I have gotten angry a few times but never long enough to really make a difference. I do like the list idea though. I think I might give that one a shot. He just always has a way of turning everything back around on me like this is all my fault. I think thats it, thats why I dont get angry cause then he makes me feel like a piece of crap that is not worth anything. Get angry....seriously I am gonna work on it.
strongandsilent
strongandsilent
I have never been able to sustain anger either. My ex had a long term emotional affair and then walked out on my and the girls last year. There have been flashes of anger, but mostly grief.

I have wished for anger at times. But, on the bright side it has helped me deal effectively will all the legal and financial issues. I have been able to deal with him without pushing his buttons so I have gotten a much better settlement then I would have otherwise. So, pros and cons.