Ipriat, the one thing I noticed about your post is your love for him regardless of the hurt he has caused you. A lot of people have huge egos and their egos are stronger than their love for their partner. I think you are a really kind hearted person. He probably keeps coming back to you because you are strong and he is weak. I say you are strong in the fact in your ability to love others that have caused you harm. You are truly a remarkable person. I say that you move forward with the divorce and find someone who is as kind hearted as you. He made a big mistake for cheating on you. He doesn't know the goodness he gave up.

I really feel your pain. I was divorced in Jan (not by my choice) . It was a second marriage for both, married for 7 years. Mine didn't cheat on me and there is no other woman. He just didn't need anyone and left whenever things got rough, many times. He walked out on his first wife and kids, a long term girlfriend and now me.
I always went after him....every time and in Dec 2013 after he left again and I got him back home and he committed to our marriage I told him I would never go after him again and I didn't in Feb. 2014 when he left again. A couple of months went by and I did make contact, I missed him desperately but I found out he had changed his mailing address, his church records and he had contacted an atty. At that point I did beg, I did plead, I asked for just a separation but his mind was made up. he was done, we were done. It destroyed me, I am still struggling but slowly healing.
My point to this post is that you and I deserve better companions. marriage is two people who are committed, who are both trying and who BOTH work hard at keeping it together, no matter what life throws at them. I am thankful that we didn't have children together, my heart breaks for your little family and as much as you are deciding what to do, just know he isn't going to change, he will continue breaking your heart time and time again until you decide enough is enough. It's hard, it's scary and it will take everything you have inside to move forward but speaking from experience, it's all up to you now and you know what needs to be done. Come here often for support, no matter what you decide, we will not judge you even if you stay with him. coming here is the best thing you can do in the beginning. My ex is a great man too but not husband material (his words, not mine) that is why it's so hard to let him go. What they have done to us and yours to your children is not ok, we don't deserve that, they don't deserve our love and adoration anymore.
I am sorry for your situation, I cried reading your post, so many emotions. Sending you gentle hugs and prayers !!!!!

I am asking myself the same question. I want to hold onto my marriage. However after 18 years together, 16 years married the baggage brought in and the mistakes made, the chances of her staying with me are slim. I want to remain married. My heart aches for this, but she does not. I keep trying to change her mind.

Thank you for your words and understandings. My heart just hurts so much. I know love should not feel this way so why do I miss him so much. In my mind it doesnt mak any sense but I cant get him out of my head. I was doing really good for a while then when he started coming around again its like he just sucked me right back in. He doesnt even want to be with me. I know he just doesnt want me to let him go that way when he wants he knows he can come back. This is so ridiculous. Why am I so scared to be alone and to let him go. Sometimes I feel like I cant move, like there is a ton of bricks just weighing me down. I know how crazy it sounds and my friends and family dont really understand why I cant just let him go. Heck I dont even understand it. I know noone deserves to be treated as I have been treated but still.......Lord help me get through this pain that feels never ending.

I am scared to be alone too. Already I miss the companionship, the hugs and closeness of another person. A hug from anyone else does not feel the same. The lady I love stopped wearing her wedding ring, I can't take mine off, I also can't sleep in the room of our home I have moved into. I need to so I can begin to live.

I understand your pain and why you are afraid. It is not an easy situation to be in. I have been cheated on as well and it is not fun. My heart has moments of being OK, but I know the feeling of wanting your marriage back. But that marriage you had was broken and not healthy. A man that respects you doesn't cheat on you, doesn't leave you and his kids for long periods of time. I hate to say this, but like myself, I think we need to face our fears and move on. I don't like to be alone, no one to hold me, or kiss me. It sucks. But I know I deserve someone who doesn't feed me lines of shit, and who isn't kissing another woman

For me ...over time (15 months) I've begun to enjoy not being attached to someone. There are benefits to this. I'm happy I'm not engaging in constant arguing and the eye rolls and the disdain I felt from her when I just walked in the room. Just a lot less stress but it took some serious time to get here. Now I really wonder do I want another relationship? I went into panic mode at first joining dating sites etc but now I'm like...hmmmmm...lol. Being single has advantages. And it's peaceful as hell.
If something came along great but if not I'm fine to just chill and see what happens. I would definitely recommend being on your own for a bit and getting comfortable and happy. Now I know I don't NEED someone to make me happy.
It's a huge difference.

I am in the same situation as far as letting go. Altho he didn't cheat but still lots of heartache. We have 3 kids. I struggling to let go mostly because he doesn't think relationship require work. It's very difficult for me. We have lived seperated near a year. I just signed another lease and it all feels sad to me. Good luck.

There are definitely things I do not miss and that brings me comfort. Sometimes when friends are complaining about fighting with their husband about things I kinda smile to myself cause I dont do that anymore. I mean its nice ti spend money how I want, fix and eat what I want, when I want, go out when I want. Definite things I enjoy. But I dont enjoy doing things alone and sitting alone and just being alone. I earned a huge honor at work and didnt really have anyone to share that with and that was difficult. I know it will get better. Just a process I suppose and this side of the process is no fun.

maybe keep your focus on the kids will help too.. teaching them this is NOT how you treat someone you love.. I have a 14 and 9 year old, watching all this unravel around them.. I've been divorced 8 months now, and my son took a survey on FB recently asking 'what makes you proud of your mom'.. and his answer was 'how well she's handling the divorce and being a single mom'.. show your kids what an amazing person you are, - made me so proud! its NOT easy...but you need to teach your kids that they deserve to be in relationships that aren't toxic like this.. keep your focus on them, it may help ease some of your pain..

Mynewnormal-that is great advice, thank you. I have spent so much time trying to help them see what marriage is and whats its not. I try to be strong for them and I know I could do a much better job. I worry that they will end in the same cycle as me and also my mom. I tell them all the time that marriage is about being honest and committed. I have also told them that if their feelings have changed then they need to have a conversation with their significant other and figure out what to do next instead of cheating and all that. I also try to shield them from so much of what their father has done. I bite my tongue som many times. I definitely need to work on not letting my emotions control me so much and to focus on them.

I feel your hurt! It is so hard to disrupt one's family in such a permanent way as divorce does. It sounds like you will be able to get to a better place though as you are forgiving and open. Be strong, do what you need to take of yourself, ultimately that will be best for your entire family. I know that as I allowed my husband to walk on me, my children felt the hurt of seeing him do that to me. They deserve to see a mom who's happy and at ease with her close relationships, not one who has to constantly question whether to stay, to trust, and to be open to even more hurt. Best of luck!

Hi Sweetie

You stated "I can't do this on my own". Hunny you have been doing in on your own for longer than you think. It is up to you, what do you want in your life. If you want him, then you know the score he's already shown you what to expect. You need to really look at the big picture and take note of the past and be realistic with yourself. This is not about the kids, you are taking care of them just fine. Where is he? So his affair didn't work out so he's coming around to you again for support until next time. I'm sorry I do not mean to sound so harsh but that is the reality of it. You need to make a choice of what you want. It's that simple. Once you have made the choice then you can go from there. You are already living by yourself and dealing with the children so you are being the responsible parent for your children and they will remember this as they get older and admire you for all your efforts, believe me. Your husband on the other hand is only coming around because he wants something from you. Are your going to let him have his way again so he can wipe his feet on you while he's walking out the door on you and his children again. Please, Please girl you are worth more than this. Your husband is putting on his best performance right now because he's trying to get back in for something, so of course he's a wonderful man, right now, but where are his morals and values he can't even help you support his kids. The money he is spending on other women should be going to feed his children.. Again I am so sorry for this post but I know you deserve better than this. The children will always have him, when he wants them that is, but girl you need to make a decision for you and what is going to make you be happy. Please stay in reality and see him for what he is and not what you want him to be.

Genuine--you dont have to apologize for being real. Its very painful but sometimes, heck all the time, its hard for me to see past my love for him. I have spent my whole married life making excuses for how he acts and the way he is. It has become something I am very used to and so I have blinders on for sure. When he is away I start to see the truth and then he comes back and all that truth goes out the window. As I write this, I am in a good place. Not quite ready to sign the divorce papers but feeling better about my situation. However tomorrow is father's dy so I will see him and well I will let you know how I am doing tomorrow evening.
This roller coaster of emotions is very difficult to deal with. On my good days I just never want to go to sleep because I fear the next day will be a rough day. Thank you for your support.

It is painful, he never cheated on me (well MAYBE about 3 weeks ago) we are at the end of the divorce process, that does NOT make it ok, I have been thru so much emotional pain, it seems I will never get thru it, this has been going on for almost a year, he still lives in the same house, he only moved upstairs three weeks ago, hence after accusing him of being with someone else

I have to watch him come and go as he pleases, out every weekend, sometimes not even coming home....we have twin boys soon to be 16, I try so hard not to break down in front of them, but I think they understand I am only human, and this is not my choice, I hurt so much on a daily basis and does not seem that I will get past this, and he isn't even gone yet, that will be another hurdle we will have to get through