Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Knowing my story and reading many DS er's. I just wonder what happened to people in general, I know anger and hurt makes us do and say things we normally wouldn't do or say, but man this vicious
seemingly never ending circle of spitefulness just stinks, I know, I don't like my X right now, but I would never do the rotten things he does. I think this is my biggest problem with my divorce, when does it quit being mean & spitefull, we were married 14 years and not all were that bad, we have a great son, many things to be thankful for.
Trust me I've tried killing him with kindness, gone out of my way even,I don't yell or scream when support checks bounce,when he calls and says sorry forgot to tell you,I can't pick up the kid this weekend. I've given him almost everything he asks for, hoping that it will end vicious meaniness. but to no avail.
I just can't stand the malicous spitefulness, which I know so many of us are dealing with.How do you get it to stop, anybody with a magic cure( that does not use firearms).?
seemingly never ending circle of spitefulness just stinks, I know, I don't like my X right now, but I would never do the rotten things he does. I think this is my biggest problem with my divorce, when does it quit being mean & spitefull, we were married 14 years and not all were that bad, we have a great son, many things to be thankful for.
Trust me I've tried killing him with kindness, gone out of my way even,I don't yell or scream when support checks bounce,when he calls and says sorry forgot to tell you,I can't pick up the kid this weekend. I've given him almost everything he asks for, hoping that it will end vicious meaniness. but to no avail.
I just can't stand the malicous spitefulness, which I know so many of us are dealing with.How do you get it to stop, anybody with a magic cure( that does not use firearms).?
deleted_user
I study the Victorian era, but I'd say they went out of style somewhere in the 1960's.
deleted_user
I've tried patience and kindness for 6 months in the hopes that giving her total freedom, she would realize how selfish she's been. But, it's not really working. Now I'm being more assertive about how she treats me. We have a problem with her taking calls in the car or during dinner and ignoring me. I now point out it's rude and leave the area where she is when it starts.
deleted_user
I have one of the worst and I just don't get it but he was doing things to other people even his family when I was with him that one of the reasons I left knowing what was in his heart.It's a sickness!!!!!Their not much you can do but not to let it ruin your day.Mine just cut my phone lines which made things happen in my life I don't need to deal with.Hes 60 years old and is doing these things.Its hard when children are involed because you have to talk to them.You stay who you are and know that your a good person and GOD will do the rest. Its true.
deleted_user
in my recent journal i wrote about the same thing...Its almost like staying married is rare these days...What happened to forever and ever amen?? Its too common now for divorces and really people are just getting down right mean...Ive done the same as you when my STBX cheated on me and i found out..I wasnt mean i wasnt yelling..I asked him what was going on and how to fix it...When he told me we couldnt fix it and she was moving in, again i sat there wished him and HER the best and let him walk away from me, I didnt chase him or yell or even cry...Still hes an ass to me and are daughter and i didnt even do anything wrong at the end...If i knew how to make it stop i would tell you but i dont know...I think deep inside they are mean because they know they are wrong for what they have done but its easier to be mad at us then them...They can prolong not dealing with any of the real issues and feelings....Let him keep acting how he is and you keep acting how you are...nice, kind, and collect...because it will come back around!!!
deleted_user
Unfortunately, there is no cure. Just keep trudging forward. That's what I do, every day I move a little more forward. But, I opened the can of whoop ass cuz I'm over his crap. It's time to take the ball back!
campyone
Right now with all that is going in my life w/X I am really going to try to show values and kindness even in the eye of the storm, Ineed to do this for my son, if emulates anything about let it be my values and intergrity, So even in the face of ugliness I will try to be someon he can be proud of.
deleted_user
"Morals and Kindness" were replaced by "Do whatever feels good and pay for it later"
deleted_user
it is all about instant gratification, now, isn't it?
deleted_user
Moral and kindness was replaced with I am entitled to be happy no matter what my happiness does to others.
deleted_user
Rose - unfortunately for many that is the rule of the day
deleted_user
That is funny_I used to say that to my X-Instant gratification- he told me if I said it one more time I could get the fuck out of "his" house-must have hit the nail on the head.
deleted_user
Well I join those of you that have this problem, I have tried to be nice, tried to ignore, tried to talk, tried everything I know...but...he is still and *ss! I agree that for some it is easier to be mean and angry so they feel better about leaving, especially if you argue back. I will continue to be very nice to him,unless of course he does something to my son.. I dont want him back the way he is, I dont want a divorce, but it will happen because he fails to recgonize any wrong doing. It is very sad to me after the inital eruption of anger,sadness,etc..from both of us that he continues to be a d*ck at will. I pray to God everyday to help him get better, I do care for him and hope he gets it.
deleted_user
I think the world has gone crazy. Or maybe not, maybe it's just a few men who lost their minds. The reason most of us are here is because the people we loved the most just didn't care anymore if they hurt us or the kids or families or anything. My ex was afraid I think, afraid to be a man of middle age and face the fact he was not going to live forever and some of his dreams were slipping away. And forgot the value of what he did have. And since the only important thing is doing what makes him feel better about himself, he does not even realize how horrible he has become. His own kids ( 23 and 30) have told me he just doesn't care if we are in his life anymore. And we have a new grandson! It is sad, I have been so hurt by all of it but I am just beginning to feel more sorry for him than myself. He doesn't know the value of his own family. And behaves badly. Even after all we have been through I am still glad I am not in his shoes. What a terrible world we would have if we all were like him. Try not to let his bad behaviour hurt you, hope you are better at it than me!
deleted_user
I don't think that the x's that are acting out in disgraceful ways are ever going to change. For me, I have decided to be polite, but strong and not let him dictate anything to me anymore. I talk to him ONLY when it suits me, the divorce is moving ahead on my terms now. You don't need to be rude, but I think it's important to show strength to them, even if it is only an act and you are dying on the inside. Try to remember that in the end YOU are what's important.
deleted_user
Firearms sounds good to me :) Just to wound , not kill.
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