Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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What am I going to do?

radrm
radrm
I am doing everything I know how to do but my anxiety is crazy because of the recent breakup with the guy who said he was going to marry me. I gave him material to read about how the silent treatment all day and night is emotional abuse and I couldn't take it anymore so when he would not talk to me I loaded up his truck and told him goodbye. Well now today I had to see him because he thought he was going to fix his car in my garage. I told him no you need to tow it away and fix it where ever it is you live. I handed him the papers i looked up on the internet and told him he should read that because he is blaming me for his emotional abuse towards me. I told him to leave so its my fault. I have anxiety because I really did love him but need to come to terms with it all because what he has for me deep down inside I know is not love. I don't even know what it is but the silent treatment over and over has been the ruin of our relationship over and over again. The last seven years was like groundhog day. .... Why did i keep letting him come back? He leaves his stuff here to have a reason to come back. Last time it was to get the wheel barrel, which he never even took!! It is an excuse to work his way back in and I have to stop the cycle. Yesterday I had a test to see if I have cancer... i need to realize that he is not good for me especially if I need to fight a battle such as that. If I don't have the cancer then I will Thank God but hopefully it will be a good reason for me to focus on myself and forget about him. I didn't tell anyone but my son so far until I know the results. I may have to do more tests to see whats going on. But I admit I am a bit scared, recent breakup all equals anxiety for me (since I have the disorder). I had to take xanax this morning to help me and was so tired at work. My head hurts tonight. I tried to keep my mind off everything and went swimming with my son...but here I am back on here to find comfort or to ease my anxiety.... I don't know what to do. Its also friday night and I realize I have absolutely no life anymore!!! How did that happen??? Cause everything was about him, totally my own fault!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
radrm, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Even though you called me names and what not, I still will not accept it from you.

You are a kind person and what you are going through is just a test from God. I know you will pass with flying colors.

Don't lose hope. Things will get better. They always do, because, "nothing lasts forever, not even your troubles."
deleted_user
deleted_user
it just sounds like you are too high strung to live with a man. so, just date from here on out, work, and have a quiet home to yourself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Faithful, your judgmental comments continue to amaze me. "You are too highstrung to live with a man" - do you think that has any positive value for radrm or the issue she brings to the table here? I don't think so. There are ways to give constructive postiive criticsm as to how one might improve their situation without being so judgmental.

radrm, I don't have a lot of good suggestions, but will fall back on my old standard refrain, that has served me so well: change your focus, purposefully shift your focus from what ails you to what gives you joy - no matter how big or small the joyful thought, it all adds up to a happier life!
MettaBhavana
MettaBhavana
I am sorry you are going through this! I would suggest trying to focus on yourself and your health right now as much as possible.Your anxiety may be heightened due to your health worries, so now everything seems more anxiety- provoking. I understand why you don't want to tell people about your medical concerns until you have more information, but it is really scary to go through this, so maybe it would help to tell a close friend or family member? The more support and stability you can create for yourself right now, the better. Try to take things one minute at a time. Sending you support.
lance139169
lance139169
I admire you for knowing what is best for you and not settling for less. If you find this guy's behavior unacceptable, then he needs to hit the road. No doubt that he is using the fact that he has many of his things at your place as a way to keep contact with you. The only advice that I have for you is to do what you can to get his crap out of there. If you don't know what has to be done to legally remove his stuff, I suggest you see a lawyer ASAP. If consulting a lawyer would be a hardship, try contacting your local police or sheriff's department. They should be able to help you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lance, why does she need a lawyer? Why do Americans always say get a lawyer?
deleted_user
deleted_user
anne, you're right. i apologize. my comment was too short and too generalized. some men are very quiet types because they have hidden agendas. maybe this guy is one of them.

good luck to you, radrm.
lance139169
lance139169
Excellent question galvatron. I guess we naturally seek out the advice of an attorney because we live in a very litigious society. In radrms case, she may have an obligation to provide reasonable care for this mans property while in her possession. Or it may be perfectly legal for her to drag his stuff to the curb in order to dispose of the things he left behind. If she were to do this without the legal right to do so, she might wind up on the wrong side of a civil suit.

In my previous post I also stated that consulting the police might also be an option for her. In my opinion that should be her first course of action if its available to her in order to avoid paying an attorney's fee..
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh ok. I get it.
radrm
radrm
Galvatron I am not intending to call you names but I see a lot of your comments seem to be geared at getting to vulnerable peoples emotional state of mind when they are in a time of crisis and I do appreciate your comment here today because you didn't try to demonize the american woman. I called you a Troll because that is what they call people on the internet who say whatever just to get a rise out of people not caring who they hurt and some of your comments have been a bit biased to say the least. But, today you surprised me with a supportive nice comment so I may just have to change my mind about you! Maybe you are not a Troll. Sorry if I offended you! If you could try not to put down a certain sector of people whether its about black or white, woman or man, Asian or Mexican, or American we all have blood running through our veins and were created in God's image so to me there is only the human race. I find that generalizing people based on where they live is just as offensive like we are all the same? There is good and bad everywhere. So anyhow sorry if you took offense to the Troll responses in other postings! And thanks for being supportive!!
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
silent treatment is emotional abuse! I sincerely hope you do not have cancer and thinking of you. As far as the relationship it may be hard but focus on you and your son. Its too stressful to live like that and to have your son in that environment. I would try to avoid all contact with him and in order for it to work to me you guys would need counseling or some type of effort of both working toward fixing it.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks for the feedback. The "American" thing was just an inside joke. It doesn't mean white black Asian Mexican or Canadian.

I was defining it as anyone who thought because they live in freedom, they can do whatever they want without consequences and basically screwing over anybody because they have a lawyer.

So what should we call them if we aren't calling them Americans. Lol idk. Jewish? Jk.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh forgot to say I was not offended.
deleted_user
deleted_user
So, Galvie, I guess I can safely assume that it will not offend you if I say now that you are an offensive asshole, who likely may have some redeeming qualities as a human being, but that those qualitis are not always very evident from your DS posts.
radrm
radrm
The "American thing" is a categorizing women in America and it doesn't see like any joke I know of. Are canadians not Americans who live in freedom also? Why not call free people Canadians? The legal system is there so we can maintain our freedom, yes I think the system is overused by gold diggers but in this forum people are going through divorce and other break up issues and your categorizing women at all in any way is not a joke. Try to be sensitive because you do not know everything in any one persons circumstance and most times in divorce or any legal issue you do need attorney's for legal advice to protect yourself against being sued since it is a free country (I served the U.S. for the sanctity of that freedom)! We here value our freedom as a priceless commodity. I know there are some people out there who are sue happy and I don't agree with that either but in this group those type of comments are not going to be funny to anyone it is very offensive. Both men and women in this group are going through very sensitive issues concerning their divorce. Think about how yo may be hurting people by what you say....that is not what these forums are for.
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