I'm not sure if it's fear, or aversion. I'm going to think on this and get back to you.

I reflected on this question for about an hour and I think I'm just not afraid. I think, back when we first separated I was afraid, but that was a year and a half ago. Now, four months postdivorce, I am and have been financially stable, I got the house, (which he didn't want anyway) and I have primary custody of our son, so even though I don't have him every day, 365, I have him 80-85 percent of the time, plus I get summers off with him because I'm a teacher.
I'm also not afraid of getting out there and trying new things. I think there's a certain amount of apprehension, and when I get to the point where i actually want a long term relationship I will feel differently, but right now, I'm just enjoying me, my son, my friends, and my freedom without the suffocation of marriage tied around my neck.
I thought, too, that I might be apprehension this weekend because the ex in-laws are in town (we live out of state from both families) and I haven't seen or heard from them since November. I thought it might be weird, and it wasn't. Truth be told, I'm VERY happy my son got to spend the weekend with them. It makes me superhappy, actually, because I know it's right and I know he is happy.
I was a little apprehensive at work about my end of year evaluation, and I passed with flying colors. I got my tenure.
I just don't think I'm afraid anymore. I think I'm coming into my own, I'm enjoying who I am and what I will be, and I'm looking forward to starting my life over, new, and moving on.

Also, TML, I was always a planner. Always. I went to college, then got married, then moved in with him, then had a kid after a few years. Then we bought a house. Everything was wrapped tight in a neat, little package. I always pay bills on time, I always make sure my kid has what he needs.
But...
There is something refreshing about letting loose. I understand having your plan ripped out...saying to yourself, like I said to myself, "Wow, this isn't where I thought I would at 31." But you know what? If I take a long, honest look at my marriage...including his affair, I realize I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy, before we separated, with HIM and, honestly, I didn't make him happy, either. We get along so well right now because there's an inherent resepct and love we have for one another but, really, was the "plan" you had truly how you wanted it?
I think being planned is great. But, let loose a little...there's a life out there waiting for you to take, and you need to be ready to jump on board.

I was afraid of the unknown. I felt like I was standing on the edge of the earth with terra firma behind me and nothing was in front of me but a giant dark void. I was also afraid that I might never find love again and that if I did, that there was no guarantee that it would last and that I would just be wasting more of my precious life on someone who wasn't going to spend the rest of their life with me and that I wasn't worth it because my marriage had failed. I felt isolated and lonely. But I did something about it. I went back to school. I did date and decided to lighten up and simply enjoy the moment. I still feel like our days here are numbered and my heart's desire is to share them with someone in a healthy relationship. But every day is a new day and I am an optimist...I continue to hope that someday I will find that special someone or that they will find me.I'm worth it. I no longer feel as insecure as I did because I now know that it wasn't my fault the marriage failed and that no matter what I did, it would have failed anyway. I'm going to spend time on myself in the meantime and find things that bring out my inner smile. :) Good question, TML67.

I'm afraid of trusting my judgement in people. In men. I, like you, prefer to have a plan for tomorrow. I never understood taking one day at a time, until now. Now I wake up and tell myself that I can get through the day and I will be ok. Not great but ok. You will get your confidence back. I know I am actually more confident then ever because I don't have someone telling me hurtful things. Be strong and hugs to you!

I'm afraid, that I won't get over all these emotional issues and relationship issues that i've developed so that i'll be able to actually enjoy a relationship and thrive in one. I don't want to feel empty and dead. I want to be able to find the person i'm going to spend the rest of my life with and not miss out on it.

: )

xoxo

I agree with rainbowsloveme. those are all the fears right now that I have. I'm scared of trying again and getting hurt, but I'm also afraid of being single forever. How's that for an oxymoron. I'm also afraid I won't become a mom.
I'm scared that I won't ever get over these fears enough to fully trust someone again.
It sucks. I hate living in fear.

i cannot specify all of what i am afraid of right now. so much is still swirling around inside of me. so mabe i will get some insight to this soon and get back to you an share some fears. thanks for making me think.

I am also a planner and I feel like I followed the project plan I had for my life, and now it's all going away. Everything I have built is falling apart and all the effort, emotion and money I have put into building my perfect family had disintegrated into a thin air. When I think about my future I get completely overwhelmed. There is so much to plan if I want to get my life back to where I think I should be at my age.

The secret is to put all the plans in a pretty little box for now and take it one day at a time. We all could handle one day. Worrying and planning one day is not nearly as hard as planning your next five years. This helps me... one day... slowly... like taking baby steps towards the life I will one day re-build.

I'm afraid I won't find the woman I thought I was or want to be. I'm afraid when I get into my 80's, I may regret not doing more. I fear, FEAR.

i'm afraid of opening myself up and then being abandoned. so i continue to date numerous people.. and keep my wall up so i remain in charge, without getting too close to anyone.

i get so scared to become vulnerable. when i really have some feelings involved and do not have full control of the situation, i feel scared of being hurt. someone breaking promises and leaving.

Life is not about not being afraid. It's about doing it afraid anyways. Freedom comes at the end of 'just doing it". I'm not afraid of looking inward and experienceing the discomfort. I encourage the solution which looking inward the solutions are found. Getting understanding is getting answers and protection. I'm so good, why don't I acredit myself then?

I am afraid of the unknown, afraid of not moving forward, afraid of moving forward, afraid of everything really. What if I can't move forward? What if I move forward and make all the same mistakes? What if I can't learn anything from any of this? What if I can't stop crying? So many fears that I just don't know where to begin.

I'm afraid of complete failure - financially, emotionally and physically.