OK, I've thought about it, and I don't feel fear. Fear to me is trepidation, and its corollary, the dare to be courageous in the face of it.

But I don't feel those things, at least not today.

What i feel is "not wanting to". And that's it.

And it seems to me that's from not being ready, or it not being the right time, or that THIS is the right time to do what I'm doing now, and the rest...the dating, the racing bike, the solo travel will come...in its due time.

maybe, I'm not sure, just thinking out loud, maybe those times I was feeling fear in the last few years, it was my spirit's way of keeping me from doing anything rash, or reckless. Maybe we all need our time to pull into the shell, and heal.

(((hugs)))

I really do try not to be...but I'm afraid of myself, of what I'll come up with next. Look where it led me so far;)

....I took a day to response because I wanted to think through this a little more......What I realized is the one thing that is completely absent and has been silenced is that voice inside my head that would say things like,....."Get back up, everything is going to be ok" or "you're going to be alright".....the silence is deafening.

I know if I could shed this fear and doubt I will have come along way to recovering and bettering myself.....thanks everyone for your response.

I am afraid that my daughters will 'settle' and 'put up with' the wrong people in thier lives because it's all they know and learned of their own mother's marriage to their father.

I am petrified that they will hate me in the future, because he is soo good at semi-brainwashing you without you even knowing it.

I am terrified that my daughters will feel about me the way I feel about my own mother. I do not have a relationship with mine, nor do I want one. I am NOTHING like my mother, and I know this. I am just so afraid of not being everything they want me to be.

TML

what I found from my own experience is, we all get back up, when we've rested enough on our butts

you will too

the voice hasn't left you

it's just that your butt is grateful for the break

((hugs))

When I first started dating the woman that recently left me, I had a wall up and would not let her near my heart. After we had dated for a while she asked me why I always seemed so worried. I told her how I had been hurt before and I did want to feel that again. She assured me that I could trust her and that she loved me and would not hurt me.......how did that work out? Not too good. I must be really stupid to ever believe someone when they say they will not hurt you. She is quick to admit that I did nothing to cause her to leave, nor could I do anything to make her stay. I truly believe that this is my soulmate, until I met her I never even believed in the whole soulmate concept. I know she is gone and never coming back, where does that leave me? To add my part about fear, I fear that I will never find anyone I can or will love that much again.

Jazz

I had an almost identical experience, with even the soulmate tattoo

ugh

if there ever is a next time I'm going to be sure not to allow the pep talks, let alone dare to believe them

it's going to have to be built on other things, of which I'm not yet sure

My biggest fear was being alone and finding no one else that would love me ever again. But I did find someone that loved me and that was myself and I am not so alone. I have my dogs, my family and a few great friends. But I totally get this scared feeling you are consumed with. I believe we all experience it, go through it and have it come back every now and then. hang in there

I think the biggest thing I'm afraid of is never finding someone to connect with. With becoming so guarded, jaded and bitter that I won't be able to fall in love again. I'm afraid of not being accepted into university next year. I'm afraid of my life just stalling.

I'm afraid of going about finding a lawyer, finding childcare, doing my own financials, I'm afraid of how I'm going to manage handling three kids on my own, of always being crabby because I'm so tired and alienating them. When I first read this question, I didn't think I was afraid, but as I pour my heart out on this screen, I think I'm very afraid. I had my life planned out, it was yanked away from under me. I'm afraid of never being oriented enough to build a new one.

I'm afraid that this anguish won't end. I'm afraid of never finding another man whom I love(d) as fully, completely and deeply as I did (do) my stbx. I'm afraid that in losing my family now, I'll never have another one again. I'm afraid that my stepson will move on from this divorce and will let go of me as his parent. I'm afraid of trusting myself to pick the "right" man next time. I'm afraid that I'll be guarded and untrusting, which will run the "right" man off. I'm afraid that I'll be rejected again -- not good enough to keep. I'm afraid that at 40, I'm not as attractive and desirable as I used to be.

I'm afraid that I'll be alone forever.

I'm afraid that my children will be forced to move out of this house that they've grown accustomed to, and the neighborhood kids that have become their friends. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of losing the joint friends that we have because they were his first. I'm afraid that my family will feel sorry for me. I'm afraid of being judged as a divorcee.

When I'm faced with fear, I try to imagine the worst and structure a detailed plan. Right now, it's overwhelming trying to fight multiple battles on different fronts.

I feel you.

@TML57: Fear is just a chance to show what we can do when we put our mind to it. Don't listen to your head. Your head's job is to listen to you, picture what you want it to picture, and play your game not the other way around.

When in doubt, always lead with your heart. It is the only way to fly. :)

I think most of us in this process are simply afraid of the unknown: will I have enough money to make it, what will happen to my kids, where will I live, will I ever meet someone or do I even want to meet someone.

PLease try to relax. Most of us can relate stories of having these fears, but we can also say that most of those fears are unfounded.

Divorce will change your life and you will have to make some adjustments, but many times there are far more positives than we realize.

Hang in there.

just wondering

what did you have at Starbuck's?

You're too funny Joy! ...I had a Venti drip with a blueberry scone....I believe the blend was espresso.