When she started making racist comments at my expense then that pretty much sealed the deal.

I felt so sorry for my husband. He was going to work everyday at 3am and working until 5 or so. He told me he was so backed up and could catch up on paperwork then. It turns out that he was taking the afternoon off to spend with the OW. He almost tanked our business. The work hours changed. Everything I have read since says that's a red flag. I trusted too much.

This is a good topic Che. I have a few:

1) She completely changed the day after we were married. Affection dropped off sharply, she started becoming annoyed with every little thing I did, and we never slept in the same room.

2) She lied to her coworkers that she needed to take every friday off for dialysis treatment for her diabetes - she doesn't have diabetes and I had no idea she was lying to her boss.

3) Early in our marriage, she would call into the voicemail of the person who took over her last job (the new person didn't change the pass number). She would maliciously delete voicemails to make her look bad and then say that this woman deserved it for being so stupid.

4) She started needing to travel for our business. On the last trip during our marriage she made sure to stop at the pharmacy on the way to buy condoms and KY jelly (I'm sterile) but she fogot to dispose of the receipt properly.

5) She actually said that she was better than other people.

Once I started seeing the warning signs, I tried to mellow her a bit but it was too late I guess. Some people are vicious and can hide for periods of time but not forever.

Hum, the signs. Could it have been when my husband started accusing ME of cheating, when I was home every minute of every day. Or when made up stories about me, that I was a drug addict, and tried telling them to my friends and family. Too bad they all just laughed at him and knew who I really was - none of those ugly things. I have to say that the sign was in the fact that he tried to destroy me emotionally and mentally, break my spirit and hurt my soul. Those are certainly signs that someone does NOT love you anymore. Too bad it took me so long to understand that, but I do understand it now. GOD is good.

When he began incessantly talking about how great his female boss was at EVERYTHING, and began telling me where I fell short in comparison to her!!

Very few warning signs..kind of happened all of a sudden. What a loser!

When you get two phone calls in one night from the OW, asking to talk to him that night of his birthday. After I hung up on the tramp, instead of wanting to spend his birthday with me and our kids, he suddenly was anxious to leave and made up some lame excuse to go work out at the gym on the Air Base at 9pm that night. The gym was going to close in half an hour at 9:30pm. Definitely a dead give away!!! This is just one instance though among one other red flag, which was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

My ex was sig. overweight, (although I have to say- the man carried it very well.) He always told me, (115 lbs,) that if I became overweight he might not be as attracted to me. (His ex was 300 lbs.)

..that should have said it. He was in love with what I offered. Not who I was. I loved everything about him.. even his weight. Sick.. I know.

When he told me that he would never be with a smart woman again, this was after just a couple years of marriage.
He proves that now, the ow is 7th grade educated and she thinks he's brilliant...dumb beyond belief, he feels smart compared to her.

Mysteriously expensive gifts being brought home by her from work and clothes that I'd never seen on her before in my life showing up in the laundry.

Oh and when I walked into the living room holding my week old child and he was shoving something under the sofa, it was his coke and razor blade and mirror. I should have left then but I thought he would change. He did he went from being a coke addict to a lying, cheating crackhead...not all change is for the better.

Finding a liter of whiskey empty on the floor and getting backhanded when I wouldn't let him drive to get more.

Always criticizing me. Cell phone calls that only happen when I'm not around.

In the last month before the split, he suddenly took a big interest in doing laundry.

Yes, the signs are usually there. We are usually too trusting and don't want to see them for what they are.

in 12 years we had lunch together twice as he was just "too busy". never went on a vacation anywhere. he slept in a separate room for 3 years. got mad at me on our wedding night and wouldn't speak to me. there may have been a "few" more, but those seem to jump out at the moment.

My red flags...
I should have known the first time a man came to my door telling me my house was in foreclosure.

I should have known the SECOND time another man came to the door to tell me the house was in foreclosure.

I should have known the THIRD time yet another man came to the door telling me the house was in foreclosure.

Three seperate times, different months, same year.

I KNEW when there was no heat in the house because he didnt pay the gas bill and told me it was the gas company's fault because they didnt deliver any gas.
They didnt deliver any gas because he didnt pay the bill.

Another red flag was when I couldnt get out of bed because I threw my back out and he told me to call his dad (Picture Archie Bunker x's 10) to come help out with the baby.

Many more red flags I chose to ignore until I couldnt ignore them any more.