"Misery addiction"

Over the years I have come to expect the worst to happen, even subconsciuosly sabotaging things just to prove that I was "right". I've become so acclimated to depression that it has become sort of a comfort zone for me due to its familiarity. Happiness is a scary, foreign concept for me so I find ways to return to my familiar state.

Pretty messed up, huh? I was unaware that I even did that until recently.

Exercise, sleep, healthy eating, counseling finding only one job, participating more in my kids lives...just to name a few...

Aren't we supposed to make each other feel cheap?

yes, just had to dry out a week from drinking everyday...

I drank like a fish for six months and fucked like a whore for about a year.

shit happens. Just dont drive when drinking, and dont do hard drugs.

Also, just letting myself go in general -- not cleaning my apartment, not doing anything productive (or even genuinely enjoyable), just laying around like a lump in front of the boob tube...

...while eating.

UGH.

This is disgusting.

Good thread.

Putting my own behavior in words just now really turned me off. Hope it'll serve as a kick in the tushie to free myself from my zombie mode.

Skyy & V8

I do eat though.....already lost enough weight.

Nope. I am doing mine "au natural" and let me tell you, it ain't easy. But I am glad I don't have an addictive personality because I can sort of understand why people start doing stuff like that.
But, Rman, I think it is good that you are aware that you are doing these things and aware that you don't actually want to be doing them. That sounds like a good first step in moving towards more positive, healthy coping mechanisms. Baby steps though so you don't get overwhelmed.

oh and I took up smoking again after the divorce.


Dammit!

I am thinking about taking up sex after the divorce...Hmmm...I wonder...

No outside from the occasional smoke break...(I hate typing that down). I'm sure I was in denial for the first few days to some extent. But no. I hated the feeling...but I didn't want to hide from it with "other stuff"...bc I knew at the end of the day it would still be there and it would make it that much longer of a process to heal. I hated the feeling and who I had become as a result of it...I was in a bad place. I made a conscious decision to say F that...I don't want to feel this way anymore. I started with talking with my friends than went to counseling than going to divorce support groups and than found DS. All of the above and all at the same time...that's what helped me get to where I am today. Drinking could have been my go to....but I just couldn't...already felt like crap emotionally/physically...why add a hangover to it. I was literally scared away from it.

I have to work. That's what I do. Leave the house at 8am and get home at 11pm...no time to do anything about anything...
This is an example of a person putting everyone else first...not healthy, but all I know...
oh well, I guess there are always taco threads...

The Good and Evil Twins

so the good twin knows what it wants to be doing and why

but the evil twin chooses other things,
do you know why?

Dutch...you throw pottery? Like literally?

Cause I'm a Gemini?