stepping,

She told me one night to "go find someone else." So I drank two beers with a chick, not really a date. I was quite hurt. I have not dated anyone. We would become friendly and try to reconcile (really just continued crazy cycle) then she would go avoidant again. It was not good for either of us.

I haven't dated... but I kind of want to. I'm thinking when it's final I will just to talk to someone for an hour. :)

I have started dating although divorce is still pending. I didn't think I would or want to, but it's helping me learn about myself as well. It's kind of rewarding to see that I have grown since I was married and I am not willing to sacrifice myself for someone else. If they put me down or judge me or try to tell me what say or how to function, I move on. I enjoy meeting people and have made some great friends too. I am having fun and it feels like me. It has helped me see what a full life I can have and the freedom from constantly thinking about another person is intoxicating. I do what I want, when I want.

Thanks - sja - ring - heartbreaking when the circle breaks, so so true!

JBuck - I hope you get that hour talk and then some.

Kkbon - Sounds good! I want to get where you are at.

Take care all

Do you have any pets? They can help with the loneliness. My dog is the only loyal being I have anymore. Going to a dog park could help you get out, and talk with others. Walking your dog is an excuse to exercise which is good for depression too. Just a thought.

kkbon19, thanks for posting what you did. I really like this part:

"freedom from constantly thinking about another person is intoxicating. I do what I want, when I want."

Yes, this is something for me/us to emphasize as a positive result of all this. Getting the toxic stbx out of my head will be very freeing! I'll never have to care at all about her opinions, desires, needs ever again. I just need to get to that place and it's going to be tough with a kid involved.

Loneliness.. its a painful transition.. i think we're all having to deal with that.. when I left my ex, I took the kids with me and that helps.. having them around, but this first year of our 'parenting plan' is just horrible.. I moved 6 hours away from my ex, so gratefully I have 90% custody of them, he gets them for spring break, and 6 weeks in the summer.. spring break was the worst week of my life! the first time it was just me in the house, the longest I've ever been away from my kids.. I seriously hit rock bottom that week..when they came home it was pure heaven to hold them in my arms.. now I see summer looming.. and I know I have to let them go for 6 weeks.. I'm truly terrified of that..

but that's being 'alone'.. the only one in my home.. theres more to my loneliness then that, its the relationship I miss too..

as so many of you are feeling, its that loss of a partner, a friend, a companion.. I freely admit I'm so thankful for moving as far away from my ex as I did, so he's not in my space anymore.. so I can learn to be without him..

when I moved here a friend of mine just hit the wall learning that his 5 yr relationship was ending because his girl was cheating.. admittedly we clung to each other for about a month or so.. no sex, just talking things through.. drinking, and just venting.. he really helped me alot in the beginning of all this, that person I could text on breaks, talk to on the way home.. filling in those blanks where my husband used to be.. but in a short time he decided to go back to his girl.. (WHY?! I still can't wrap my head around.. but thats his battle not mine..) ..I used to hang out with them back when I was married.. both my exhusband and I, they were great friends and neighbors.. but I told him I can't, I just dont want to see her.. seeing her brings back all my own pain of a cheating spouse.. how he was able to overlook that and take her back is something I'll honestly never understand.. I could never do it, ..so even though he's no longer in my daily life.. just txts and phone calls to check in with me now and then.. his initial role as a crutch for my transition from married to single was really great.. it really helped alot..

its a hard road we're all one.. one we never saw for ourselves.. I think of kissing someone else, sleeping with someone else.. I just can't imagine it!! I'd been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years.. I KNOW I need to give myself time to find ME again.. to discover who I really am alone.. I knew who I was as 'Mrs..'.. but I'm no longer that person.. its been almost a year for me, and I'm very much not ready to add someone else to my life.. but I know I will get there..

this Journey of ours is just that a journey.. we have a destination.. finding ourselves and our happiness again.. we'll get there.. just take it easy on yourself.. you've been through alot, give yourself time to heal.. you dont want to go into a new relationship still hurting.. you want to start fresh.. everyones time line is different, but our goal is the same.. and we'll get there, when we're ready.. keeping you all in my prayers

after few years being alone, having someone to talk and to be with is something i missed, it is so sad being alone every time.

I, too hate being alone. I find that when I am with friends it doesn't hurt so bad, but let's be realistic, theyhave their own lives and I have to learn how to live mine. Only been divorced two weeks and separated 4 months so maybe it is too soon to date, but hell it would give me something to think about instead of thinking about being alone. what do you think? I am truly sorry for your pain and I truly feel it also.

Mynewnormal - I like your profile name. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I agree with this -I think of kissing someone else, sleeping with someone else... I just can't imagine it!!

Its been 24 years with the same man. I didn't plan on starting over with someone new. This isn't what I want but it is what it is. I don't feel right really meeting another man until we are actually divorced and I don't know how it will go after that.
I am sorry for you pain when you children are away. My two sons are adults so I don't have that to deal with and I am thankful for that. I dealt with this from my first marriage with my oldest son and I didn't really like sharing... My two sons actually still live with me. The oldest is disable. So I am really not alone however I am really alone and lonely.

Vdorp - yes being alone is sad. This sure wasn't what I thought was in the cards for me but here I am....

Nal - It is a short time for you. Sorry for your pain. When I am with my family it is better but it is always in my mind it never goes away. If it isn't what will happen at court, what is he doing, thinking back over things and all the questions that I that will never be answered. I am always on verge of feelings of sadness, anger, at loss, and loneliness. I hate it!

Well take care all.