I didn't start feeling comfortable being alone until maybe 8-12 months. 3 1/2 months is very early. Give it plenty of time believe me it does get better and you really will start feeling better and comfortable and actually enjoying your alone time without someone else's bullshit and drama :)

I don't want to be comfortable alone, This wasn't my idea. I understand your point. We must find happiness and being alone isn't for most people the way to be happy. I wish you the best and hope you find someone to share your life with soon. We all deserve a full life.

I think it's important to feel comfortable being alone before launching into another relationship. Otherwise there's a risk of "settling" for whoever comes along and also molding oneself to fit the others wants and needs...I don't know that's just me. I was in my relationship for a long time, over 20 years, so I'm just in no hurry to get back into one but if I was younger I would probably feel differently. Good luck to you whichever way you choose..the breakup pain will get easier though it does just take time :)

you also have to do what is right for you

i went on dates and made new friends

i think it all helped take some of the focus away from what was happening

and gave me hope

Thanks for the replies. I guess I should add I can't see myself actually meeting someone else. I just wish I wasn't alone. I miss being with him after 23 years it is over and here I am alone....

Mine was 24 years isn't it strange how many stories we see at this same juncture? 22-24 years it's like the 25 year mark was coming up and they decide to bail. She told me she had been thinking about it for years (thanks for the heads up bitch) and then later went on to tell me it never felt right ever ...so I'm like why in the hell did you have kids with me then, so lame..so much better not to even talk to them anymore they aren't who they were and their heads are way too far gone to reason with anymore. I am sorry for your pain I know exactly how you feel it's a hell of an adjustment.

Yeah, mine was 30 years. No arguments or any heads up; just came home one day, and she said she was leaving. She packed up and was gone in 5 days; and nothing after 30 years. No explanation, nothing. Then I find a bank statement for an account she opened for herself 5 months before. using our money. Yeah; thanks for the heads up!!! I am beginning to believe there is not a woman left that believes in commitment; and that I have some kind of anti-magnetism to all women.

jstcyn, I feel the same way and I hear everyone saying we should be comfortable being alone or with ourselves, but seriously I miss having someone to talk to and the house not being empty aside from me. I am all good with being by myself but I also miss having someone to hang out with, to talk to, enjoy tv programs with and so on. It feels oppressive go home and be utterly alone. I feel VERY bored with no way to relieve it (if that makes sense).

kbbcoop77,

All your posts are amazing, especially this one:

"She told me she had been thinking about it for years (thanks for the heads up bitch) and then later went on to tell me it never felt right ever."

Anyways, back to the O/T for me.

Being alone is the best way to be... before being with someone! During that time you will learn who you are and what makes you tick.

Plugging someone into the old wound after three months isn't really going to help the healing process. It may infact aggrivate it. I'm preaching to myself here as well. I've basically been split with her for 1.5 years but I'm gettin the hang of it and it's AMAZING.

JBuck, have you dated at all during that 1.5 years? Just curious because I am also on the same path to recovery; divorce still ongoing.

Take care. Sounds like you have a lot of healing to do. I takes time.

I appreciate all the replies.

Christorrt - I don't want to be comfortable alone either but it is scary to think of being with anyone else...It is really hard dealing with it...I wish you a full life too.

kbbcoop - I love the feeling behind this - She told me she had been thinking about it for years (thanks for the heads up bitch) and then later went on to tell me it never felt right ever ...Thanks for your words and I am sorry for your pain!

Thanks Murphy - I need something else to focus on. I need to force myself to pack more and of course cleaning is always there...lol

Classicarman - Sorry that really sucks! I wish I had a trace of everything he did, every money transaction. All his 401k, pension, savings, and retirements. He as worked at the same place make good money and he is saying he only has $3500 in 401k! I have found statements and that is what it is showing but how can this be? I hope it comes out in court!

dclaus - I feel ever word you said. It makes all the sense in the world!

JBuck - Yes kbbcoop post are amazing! I know I know but it doesn't feel like the best way! And I also worry I will never be with someone else again if I wait to long...

Aries -Yes lots of healing and it has only been 3.5 months but that is a lot of alone time! Take care

Loneliness is such a bitch. All I can say is take things a day at a time. It eventually gets better. Instead of looking at it as loneliness because you don't have another person to be involved with, think of it as me time to get to know yourself, find yourself, love yourself again.

Thanks sja - I don't feel like I know much anymore. I think I am still in shock and denial. I am stressed out with this legal, divorce, and lawyer crap! We have court again on Monday...ugh!! I have so much doubt. I very very rarely remember my dreams. I had dreams/nightmares not sure which one that he was back. I know I seemed really happy that he was back then I would realize I was dreaming within my dream and be sad again it went back and forth like that a few times. ugh...Sorry for the long reply/post. Thanks again... Take care al.

PS
I miss my ring...is that ridiculous or what?

No, not ridiculous. I filed for my divorce from a dysfunctional marriage, that no matter how hard we tried it was just not working. I felt naked without my ring for a very long time. That ring was such an important symbol, not just a sign that you were married but all the promises it carried. An unbroken circle. It is heartbreaking when that circle breaks.