Thank you, S&S. That sounds like the very strategy I am attempting to work now. I have dreamt of rivers since I was old enough to read adventure novels. My greatest quarrel with hubby's home state, where I have headquartered since I was *just passing through* 40 years ago is that it has no navigable rivers. I sit now in the inland delta region where some of North America's mightiest rivers come together.

I fully agree that divorce sucks, but. . . Chew chew. . . Sort sort. . . Itsy bitsy baby steps. . .

Oh and I joined DS 10 years ago, when my ex walked out on me. I've joked the "22" in my name came from 22 tries to join here. No one will remember PKU but he talked me through my first night on here.

@Everyone, My divorce was hell. I cried for 3 months straight. Slept on the floor with my kids/ the couch for months. I was suicidal at times, which I felt horrible about until I read other people's journals where they felt suicidal too. This board literally saved my life.

There IS hope. There IS another side. My ex and I are even somewhat distant friends. I credit this board with that. They talked me down from doing/saying a lot of really horrible things that I was thinking about.

Healing hugs, Patti

Yea, Patti, I am deeply regretting this thread. I am contemplating divorce, but. . . Maybe better not here. Doesn't seem to fit the board you know me from, either.

More itsy, bitsy baby steps. Away from this forum?

You're probably okay here. Give people a chance to get used to you. I don't follow the board quite as much as I used to, but there are some really good people on here.

Thanks, Patti. The open forum spats do seem to be a pretty common phenom in on-line support groups. Ya gots to take the bad with the good. Healing is not always graceful.

Hope healing happens here.

I am very sorry. Thank you Patti for helping me understand.

I am sorry you are going through all of this Arfie, it is such a hard decision. I had pondered for almost a year and we did 3 years of marriage counselling but in the end, through counselling we decided to go our ways. I think what hit me is this is what it is , the marriage and so this is what it will be for the rest of your life. Is that okay? That helped me

Thank you, run2.

My spouse is extremely therapy resistant. So far, marriage counseling has looked like more trouble than it would be worth through that resistance. He has agreed to it a time or three, then proceeded to attack it in the next round of dialog. Each time I have left him to his own strictly personals and gone in search of counseling for myself.

I have been scouting divorce counselors. No lawyers yet. Just counselors.

Hi there. What kinds of things do you think you can achieve divorced that you don't feel you can achieve staying married?

Long story, Misred. Gots me a footlocker full of ideas. I've already typed allot of them in my journal and don't much feel like re-typing them just now.

Good luck Arfie. Sending good vibes.

Thank you, S&S. Good luck and vibes sorely needed.

I'm not sure why I was drawn to this question but feel compelled to answer.
You have time on your hands.
There are so many organizations that need volunteers you could be a full time volunteer by simply asking.
Go give of yourself, it may just lead to a part time job, which is what you really need. If the household doesn't need the money, start a savings acct. Things happen.

Thank you, Nina. That is, indeed, on the list of possibilities. I am scouting as I waffle. Community service was a big part of my recovery long before I married and has continued since. I have found great healing mojo in tithing time to nothing more than making the world a better place. The busier I am, the more truth there seems to be to that time donation. My last volunteer gig was a clean-up of Historic Highway 51 through Cairo, IL. Just finished last week.

There is more to it than *simply* asking, though. When an employee makes a mess of their job, it's *just* a job. When a volunteer delivers false promises, it hurts like a father fuck.

Happy anniversary and congratulations on making it for 37 years because you don’t get a chance to hear or celebrate marriages that have lasted that long too often anymore. You chose to stay home with your kids and raise them and for that I commend you. Staying at home and raising kids often requires a sacrifice of career, independence, etc. but now that they are all out of the house, you are able to dedicate this extra time to finding out what you want out of life. Its sad and unfortunate if your husband doesn’t acknowledge your sacrifice or show his appreciation for what you’ve done but that is not a reason to end a marriage. Have you taken the time to communicate your feelings to your husband or are you waiting for him to guess how you feel? There is a book that someone recently gave to me which I haven’t had a chance to read but it has received a lot of positive reviews. It’s called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Below is a link to the Wikipedia description of the book. After 37 years of marriage, its time to discover what you want to do and who you want to be in this next chapter of life. You mentioned your husband is busy and successful. That is what is very important to him and truth be told that is important to a lot of men so I don’t think the answer is finding another man. You can be happy no matter the state of your marriage as long as you don’t look to your marriage to “make” you happy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages