As life changes, so might your marriage need to adjust to remain strong and loving. Please look into alternatives that engage your husband and work to evolve the marriage into something better for this new stage in your life. Increased communication requests delivered with sincere love, compassion, and absent blame and perhaps trying marriage counseling should be considered. I pray there is a path for you that does not end the marriage.

Take a trip away! with friends if they still are? Or find somebody like me who likes a laugh /fun/ easy going and into music more than anything! I hope you choose right or don't just sit and hope, I did that ..It doesn't work. Loads of music festivals..Good Luck...I Hope Happiness Comes Back :)

I feel bad for you, what a bad and evil husband, busy being successful and not reading his wife’s mind, go ahead and divorce the fool. It's totally his fault that your life is such a stasis after the kids moved out.

Besides you will get half of his ' success ' ,no child custody/support issues and alimony after divorce.

It's a myth that husbands live their wives for a younger woman : most divorces are initiated by women, and not because of the myth of abuse, her getting bored is more than enough.

No one is immune, even if you are a saint of a husband, women can find a convenient fault, notice how she insinuated that : hard work providing for your family = busy =bad and successful=bad as long as it justifies her narrative for the frivolous divorce.

Thanks guys.

@Idon. I am still praying for a happy ending, but. . . Been praying hard for a long time. Sometimes when God answers prayers, the answer is, "No." Taking it in itsy bitsy baby steps.

@DJ. I am currently in another state at the end of a 5 month road trip, unable to bring myself to go back. It has been a great trip, but the dialog with Hubs hasn't changed significantly.

@Jamess. Is this the James I'm married to? I love being "Women." Gives me that warm, split personality feel. Hope your money keeps you warm at night. You can keep it all to yourself, sweetie.

Arfie, do whats in your best interest. I know We
have talked in the past about recovery on PTSD
forum. You guys Are great on there and so very
supportive and kind.

I do Not like being divorced it was the last thing
I ever wanted but it takes two willing people not
One. After He checked out he became displeased
With me so the divorce was blessing as hard as it
was and it still Is to be honest.

I hope and pray for my own happy new life ahead
when it comes my way. I still have a lot of healing,
growing and changing to do on my own recovery
journey. HUGS

Thanks miranda. You are always wonderful in the PTSD forum. It is good to see your kindness here, as well.

I have never seen divorce as a good option, but neither is a life of suspended animation or the joy of continually having the plug pulled on my projects, etc. I am far from decided, but considering all options.

Be gentle, good Ashley. Everyone is entitled to their point of view. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

That would be Sunday.

As wonderful as love is, it is not always enough. Just ask Romeo and Juliet, among many others.

It was mean spirited and spiteful and I don't like it. And you are my friend. And such a good friend you are. I don't like anyone to be mean to you.

Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.

When you married your husband 37 years ago, his being busy aka hard work and successful was a good thing, it was attractive, in fact you wouldn't have married him otherwise : women value a man's provision ability when considering marriage. ( success, career, potential, net worth, education level etc. ).

You didn't marry a driven and successful man by mistake, you chose him for that : 37 years ago and while the kids were home, you wanted a good provider you depend on 'security'.

That's why the type of men a woman dates when she is considering marriage ( early 30's to late 20's ) are different from the guys she dated in her early 20's even during her college days ( the fun attractive ' bad boys ' ). It's really not that your husband has changed, it's you who has changed, your needs have, and you don't need him for your current needs, so you dispose of him.(fair enough ) but lets not sell it as if his hard work and success have always being a bad thing.

@wombat2 said, "the lack of love for your husband should be the main factor as to the legitimate consideration of divorce ." and your reply was, "As wonderful as love is, it is not always enough" so what was and is good enough ? You don't love him and never did, you are not divorcing him because you no longer love him since you never did. You no longer have the need of provisioning and security that he met the last 37 yrs., a divorce can get you enough ' provisioning and security' as you pursue your new needs.

In fact, you sound like a woman who is having an affair or intends to have one ( depending on how the divorce goes ). But you have probably had an affair before. ( not that you will admit it here ).

@Ash: Support without honesty and objectivity can be dangerous. You make that important decision after consulting your supportive friends only to realise after the fact that you made a big mistake you can't reverse. Then you wonder why no one warned you. If you seek advice and support and all the advice you get supports your narrative then you haven't gotten any support at all. They are telling you what you want to hear.

Pride is a powerful thing, some won't admit the mistake, but beyond the fake smile you can see the sadness regret brings, others do admit,' I should have listened to you James, I was angry at you, but you were actually the only one who was being honest with me, '

It's not your husband or marriage which is the problem, you need to work on yourself.

Healing hopes and/or prayers for all no exceptions is a concept arfie introduced me to this summer. it came at a time I needed to hear it, I was building on past resentment toward my 50 year old stepson that is/has always been down and out in my eyes, when my husband let him and his lady friend move into our small house. That phrase helped me look at my stepson and his lady as damaged people not as the low life trying to freeload. I had been wishing/praying for a geezer sitter to watch my 72 yr old husband and my near invalid 61 yr old sister that lives with us. When I heard you say healing prayers for all no exceptions I started seeing the two intruders as damaged people that could be helped by my offer to let them help me. they made very good geezer sitters while I took my granddaughters on a 2 week road trip and painted my daughter's house. and before I finished the paint job, my husband had helped his son get back to work and out of the house.

sometimes god sends us the answer to our prayers and we need a sister to come visit to point out the answer that has come

Dear Jamess, Thank you for sharing your many impersonal AssUmptions. May they serve YOU (singular) well with all the generic women in your life. For sure, I am NOT one of them. Strictly personal.

DOS2: The healing of one is the healing of us all. So glad healing happened here.

You are responsible for your own happiness. There are a lot of comments here and I stopped reading them all.

But, my suggestion would be that you launch a full frontal attack on what you want, what will fulfill you... and go for it. Your strengths, your lives, your growth ... and find the activities and the networks that feed that energy in you. Include your husband. If he is interested In What you are doing, awesome. May be the being of more connection with him. If he isn't, you know something more about him.

Regardless, you are taking control and responsibility of your own happiness. Because, divorce sucks. It really really does. And, because we can't actually rely on anyone else to make us happy, not sure what looking for a different guy will do for you if you haven't already done the hard work of taking care of yourself.

(All that goes out the window if husband is abusive... and eventually you may find he proactively limits your pursuit of fulfillment... and then you make more hard choices...)

Good luck!!'

Please, nobody get banned over this.

@James, there's backstory not put into the original post.

@arfie/ash, the original post really doesn't sound all that good. Remember this is the B&D board, this is the safe place for those whose spouse just dumped them can come to dump. Think about if someone came to the PTSD board to complain that their spouse was making it up....they probably wouldn't get a very good reception, even though none of us would know a thing about them.

Okay, I'm off the thread. Please no one get banned.