Hi! First post here.
I'm a 50 year old male who is really struggling lately. Less than 10 days ago a 20 month long relationship came to an end and I didn't see it coming.
At the start of our relationship she told me that she struggled with the idea as to whether she had the time and if she wanted to commit to a relationship. She figured she'd give it a go though.
We started out real slow as she stated that this was what she needed.
We had great chemistry, never had even a single fight. Very honest relationship with lots of laughs and good memories.
She told me I was everything she was looking for in a man.
A year into the relationship she told me she felt like she was starting to pull away. She felt torn between focusing on herself (she's extremely independent which is very important to her) and also focusing on her 2 kids ages 9 and 14 and also giving enough to a relationship.
We talked about this but decided to continue dating. Things seemed pretty good at least to me. The last month or so I started to hear from her a little less.
Then 3 or 4 weeks ago we went out to dinner and she told me that moving forward didn't feel natural to her. She said she didn't have romantic feelings for me anymore.
She says she cares for me and wants to be in my life but not the way my heart wants.
A lot of her messages were confusing and I saught clarity 9 days ago and basically it's over but wants to keep in touch.
I feel blindsided and I'm still in shock that it has ended. The last 11 years of my life have been very hard. My wife of 12 years and the mother of our 2 teen sons left me.
That was followed by a 2.5 year toxic relationship I had with a woman I met two years after my marriage ended and that relationship really messed with my head.
I took 4 years away from dating and only decided to put myself out there because of the urging of my youngest son and my ex wife.
This is when I met my most recent ex. After my marriage ended i suffered a severe major depressive episode that lasted 9 months and I had to get professional help for.
I can't make any sence of my life anymore. So much heartache and loss and pain. I feel so lost and alone. I have no friends and I've been off work for 5 weeks because of a serious spinal issue.
I miss my last girlfriend terribly but I told her I couldn't continue to corospond with her because it hurt too much. I said I loved her but had to say goodbye.
She told me that if and when in the future I wanted to talk that she would be there for me.
Too much time on my hands. Cant get her out of my head. Emotions all over the place. Even cried 3 times lately and I'm not someone who cries.