thank you murphy. You are one of the few that agrees with me. Everyone is telling me to move on. I am stuck right now. I cannot move on. I still have hope. Is it unrealistic??? Probably. He still lives with girl friend and 5 kids. makes me sick every day I think about it.

I cry if I think too hard.

He did something very upsetting with our 12 year old grandson this past weekend. He took grandson to girl friends house to 'play' with her kids. Sick!!! My daughter and I both got very angry over this. He said it was none of our business what he does with grandson. WRONG!!!! Daughter was extremely upset. Her husband yelled at grandson and told him he won't go with grandpa again if he can't abide by their rules. So much drama and all he really needed to do is play with grandson on his own or take him to my house and play outside. Grandson doesn't need to be put in a position to see grandpa with girl friend.

Am I trying to control????

No way. I think that he was out of line taking your grandson to the OW house. Not without checking with your daughter first. No way is that acceptable. I would have been the same way. Kids don't need that confusion. I would be livid if my husband introduces the OW to my kids. They would be so confused and hurt. I would be livid. Your husband can't just do what ever he wants with his grandson. Those are not his rights to have.
Hang in there!! Hopefully it will get better soon.

thank you broken234.
I know. What an idiot!!! I'm still upset over this and it happened Saturday. Last night is when we confronted grandson. Poor little guy. He got blasted from his dad. I felt so awful. Still do. its not his fault he wants to be with grandpa. its grandpa's fault to put him in this position. What was he thinking??? Drunk!! Not thinking logically.

oh I want to just hug you. my heart really a hes for all your going through. I hope with time it will be easier. I would definantly want to get divorce going. I really despise cheaters. its so not fair!

Hello Hullibee
I just created a new title group, wont you join it bacause it seems we are going through the same thing right now. I'm married 40 years
and he now decides he wants a divorce mainly because hes been
living with another women for a long time now and probably wants to marry her. I'm very sad about this and need someone else to talk to whose going through this same sadness as i am.
I dont know how to get in touch with you on this sight, so i am hoping that you respond to my new group called "My Husband Wants to Divorce but I Don't"
I dont want to cry anymore either, but it hurts so much losing him forever and he doesnt even care after all this time of mine and his life! it just doesnt seem right.....

Hey there! Time is your friend! I have been through this..I move on and just broke up with a cheater..It hurts..But since I made it through a terrible divorce with a cheater, this guy is a cake walk...I cried but I know now what to do to make me feel better..Friends and family...Go out and laugh...Go do things that make you happy..I went to the beach..I like to go to Barnes and Noble and pick up a coffee there and just walk around. Enjoy your me time without having to worry about making someone else happy...It's really pretty nice once you learn how to do that. Don't give up living your life because other people are inconsiderate unfaithful buttholes...Get Pandora on your phones, buy some headphones and blare some good tunes up in your head! This helps me! ;}

@ happyfree......where is the page/group you created, "My husband wants a divorce and I don't"? I would be interested in participating.

HI, Its been a year and a half, and I still have crying moments. My husband of 15 yrs left our family(2 teen boys and I) for another woman in another state with 3 kids from 3 different men. He tells me she has a house and a bachelors degree and that makes her an upgrade. REALLY?? 15 yrs of marriage with me supporting us through the pregnant yrs without a degree while he didn't work, and her house and degree is an upgrade? It boggles the mind how that is suppose to be a mature choice. He asked me to quit work in '09 for his career opportunities, so in the 4 years after he asked me to quit work, his salary goes up from 86000 to 140000 with me as the homemaker, fast forward now with minimal job skills after being unemployed for all these years, I am left financially ruined while he skips off into the sunset with his 140000 financially secure job to lavish it on her and her 3 kids. which my 15 yr old says she does with designer handbags, shoes...while the shopping 99cent store penny saving wife is struggling to keep the utilities on. more ugliness to the scenario but suffice to say when he abandoned the family, he didn't send a penny for his family till he was found by the private investigator and served papers to appear for court, only then did we receive financial relief.
I keep trying to reason out why a human would do this to another human, its soo callous, cold, void of empathy of those in direct living contact. I mean bragging on FB with her friends with pics of them in a relationship 4 months before he left, talking/joking about leaving us the day before on FB(I didn't find the AlternateLife FB till after he abandoned us), I have been trying to pick up the pieces of my self, trying to find the self sufficient independent confident person that I was before he came into my life.
The NO CONTACT rule applied helps me find my in peace. It gives me the reprieve I need to rebuild my inner self. Its still hard and I still have moments, There are days that I cant go without tearing or having a little cry. Its getting better, but it is a SLOW SLOW process. I have been taking classes to get job skills but at 50 yrs old, I don't have a sunset retirement for my future that I had worked for and envisioned for us. Its the lost dreams, promises, growing old together future that were taken.

Thank you everyone.

Time is my friend?? I feel time is my enemy. I hate all the time that this is taking in my mind. I cannot stop the time. it ticks on and on. Each day brings him further from me. I know I need to face it. Right now I am in the denial stage again.

I am afraid of the abandonment. I really can't believe he would leave all of our family for her dysfunctional kids. He tells me all the time that he cannot stand her kids. But, he has chosen to be with her and that includes her 5 kids dysfunctional or not. He tells me every time I see him what he doesn't like with her. I don't know why he talks to me like this other than we have always talked pretty straight forward to each other. Crazy huh??? he still treats me like his best friend that he can talk to.

I know NC is suppose to be the way to go. I am still pretty codependent. I try to do NC every day. Some days its works some days it doesn't. I have given him a time line. I told him yesterday that he has until spring break is over to decide. If he can't then I am going through with the divorce. I am going to Cocoa Beach for spring break. That gives him 2 weeks to come to a conclusion. I cannot take it any more.
thanks.