Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm brand new on here and am looking for an ear and friendly advice. I just started seeing a therapist, but could use some friends to talk to as well. Here's my deal in a nutshell...
I'm 40 and have been married to my husband now for almost 5 years. We have three kiddos, one together and two I had from a previous relationship. Two years ago I very unexpectantly lost my job. I was having medical issues and was told my missing work and autoimmunne issues were "inconvenient" for the manager. I loved that job and was absolutely devastated. I went to eat lunch that same day with a friend. When I told my husband what happened, he got irate that I went out to eat since I had just lost my income, and went and took all but about $150 out of our joint bank account. He said he was sorry I lost my job, but said over and over how stressed HE was about it regarding the finances. I was absolutely shaken. I felt like in my worst, darkest hour, the one person who was supposed to be there for me cared only about the money I brought to the realtionship. We kept our finances seperate until I got a new job (one where I now make more money than him) about 2 months later. Then he wanted to put our finances back together.
Durring this time, a male friend from high school friended me on social media and we began to chat. He was a very welcome distraction from the unhappiness and anger I was feeling towards my husband. We began a romantic relationship though I was married and he was in a serious relationship.
Since then his relationship ended and mine hangs on by threads. He's trying to "figure things out" which I understand, but feel like he's constantly pulling me in then pushing me away. I don't know what to do. I ended things with him 2 months ago and thought about him every single day. He ended up texting me yesterday, asking how I am, etc. then wanted to Facetime with me. He said he was so happy to see my face and how he missed me. Today, though, he's telling me he can't promise me how he's going to feel in the future because of everything he has going on and all he needs to focus on right now. I don't know how to take that. I feel almost used by one person and like a paycheck to another.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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How is your marriage otherwise? Before your job loss?
If things were good before, then maybe your husband was stressed about losing the second income. I am NOT taking his side.... only saying that he got stressed and that was how he handles stress. Not saying it was right of him to not be more supportive of you. Did you ask him for support? Sometimes we have to ask for what it is that we need and want.
That's great that you are in therapy. It helps to talk to an outside person like that. Have you considered doing couples counseling with your husband? Maybe your marriage needs a tune-up.
And lastly, while I get that it felt good to get some attention from an old friend, having any kind of affair (emotional like that, or otherwise) will only drive you further away from your marriage. I would advise you to stop all contact with the old friend. He is muddling up your thinking and your emotions. Tell him you can not talk to him again and to not contact you. Then, block his number. Block him on all of your social media. Don't be tempted to watch what he's doing on Facebook. Stop every bit of contact... like he doesn't even exist.
If you feel you have a good marriage, besides what happened with the job loss, I would first drop the other guy immediately (Zero contact), and put 100% into your marriage.
It is very soothing to have a man tell us how wonderful we are, pay attention to us when our spouse doesn't, and not have to clean his bathroom mess up.
In other words, the person who has to rescue you and rescue your life is yourself. We have to do our own hard work to understand ourself emotionally and learn to see a wider and healthier perspective. Therapy can help do this with the right therapist.
If your husband is very negative and anxious, then my guess is he is "difficult" to be around. Him taking out $150 cash to punish you for losing your job and then going out to eat that day sounds petty and controlling. You are perhaps now noticing his true personality. It's easy to blame husband as all bad and affair guy as the white knight to rescue you but this is not reality.