So, 2 years ago I had a really bad 6 months. During that time my father died of cancer, my grandmother died of cancer, and I was diagnosed with cancer. I had been married for 16 years to the same man. He was supposed to be my rock, to help me through this; he didn't. I went to my fanther's funeral alone. It was a three hour drive from where we lived with my children, hubby couldn't handle a funeral, even in I was young and had lost my mother years before. I forgave him, kinda. I was pissed. I was grieving. Imagine my surprise three weeks later when grandma passed. She was the last adult relative in our family, she was sudden, undiagnosed cancer. My husband gave me the same excuse, did not come to the funeral, sent me with all the kids (We have 5). I did the drive again, alone. I cried on the way home, alone. This was the first time I felt this profound aloneness in this world. four weeks after grandma passed, my doctor ordered a test to see what was happenening with my thyroid. I went to the biopsy alone, it was pointless for him to come, because he hates hospitals too. I wasn't worried, I wouldn't get results.

On the day I had to go in for the results of the biopsy. I was scared, I felt alone, I begged hubby to come. He did. He got to the doctor's office and he was bored. He wanted to wait in the car. He threw attitude until I agreed. I was scared and I wanted support. I agreed. I told myself if the diagnosis was cancer, I was leaving. Guess what? It was cancer. I waited a week to see what he would say. He asked but did not press when I told him I had to have surgery. He asked why, I told him because my thyroid was bad, he asked if he had to come to the hospital the day of the surgery, I said yes. A whole bunch of grief followed. Mostly about how he had been deployed three times and didn't want to be in hospitals. He had earned that. He shouldn't have to go, can my sister come. I told him it was non-negotiable. 

For a week, I endured the bitching and complaining that comes along with holding his feet to the fire, he was pissed. One night, after a praticularly rough day, he was complaining about the hospital and asking why he had to go. I finally just yelled, "Because I have cancer and that is your job, to be a god damned man and suck it up and be there for me." 

It shut him up for a few days because I added, I want a divorce to the end of that sentence. After that, it is a blur of activity, I would have surgery two weeks later, he would go to the hospital, but would leave as soon as I opened my eyes and got to the room. My arm had been pinned funny for the six hour surgery so my arm was numb, he left anyways. The next day, without calling me or anything he was three hours late picking me up. He slept in.

I followed through, I kept pushing for the divorce, I wanted out but we couldn't get divorced right away. I was still really sick and he was the sole insurance carrier. We have been together apart for these past 18 months. I made the right decision, why do I want him back? I don't need an answer, I just needed to say it.