Wait a minute. How is it right that,

WE Both decide that it is a good thing for you to stay home.
WE both work on raising the kids
WE both have a job you stay at home I go to work
WE both work around the house
WE both make it a family

Then how come I have to compensate you for doing so?

@Gsch: I like your argument. You make a great point.

In a legal sense, it appears that stay at home spouses are employees of the other. Payment is due after the marriage ends.

It's not about being compensated for it. It's about being supported until you can support yourself. And with so many people getting divorced I certainly hope that no judge would sign off on that type of support without a time line attached to it. I would hate to think that a mother or father would forgo staying at home to raise childen just in case he or she might get divorced down the road.

I'm not saying I disagree that his W or STBX needs to gain employment, I just was turned off by the wording people were using with regard to stay at home parents. Like there was no value in it at all and she was free loading. I don't know her, or Rman or anyone elses STBX's or EX's so I guess I am making assumptions. Having a spouse at home with your children before they are school aged is priceless. My compensation for it is how my kids turned out. My EX benefitted from that too. He was equally invested. And no I did not get any spousal support in my settlement.

I kept my X working so I would not have to pay for it. She would take a year off now and then but nothing permanent. I knew it was just a mater of time.

@GSCH I just find that sad G.....the part of being a matter of time.

IDK..l guess I just find the whole situtation to be sad.

It is my hope that if these two people go their separate ways, they can do it with kindness. That Rman can go to a regular 40 hour work week and have his own place where his kids can visit him stress free and that his W can manage to get herself in a postion to do the same without being poverty stricken. I would assume she would have primary custody and it would be good if the children would have a home that is in a safe area. The children are what's most important.

Well when you notice that the goals you both started out wanting is not what you want now, it is over. Plus crap from inlaws did not help maters. But you stay for the kids.

You kept your ex working... sweet man G

I DIDN'T WORK, I HAVE NO CHILDREN AND I TOOK HALF HIS PENSION. Because that was the deal. Period.

Well, I'm thinking that any woman who agrees to stay at home has to have in the back of her mind, that she'll be in a harder position than most women if a divorce takes place...

and that the husband who works while his wife stays home has to have in the back of his mind, that he'll be in a harder position than most men if a divorce takes place.

If that's a 'given" then there isn't really a problem is there, when the working husband is always nearly broke because of support payments, and the wife has difficulty entering the work force when she has to.

We're the captains of our own ships. We make our choices, as valid as they are for us, but then that means we live with the consequences, right?

and p.s. I have nothing against SAHM/D's. I only, on a personal level, never trusted the future enough to allow myself to be that vulnerable. It scared the crap out of me.

Doesn't sound like you or your wife is happy with how things are now, and it doesn't sound like anything's getting any better.

I know that you don't think that you can afford a divorce, but can you really afford to keep going the way that you are?

Hugs Rman.

You have to, because you were married to her. She was the homemaker. I don't know what kind of homemaker (or homewrecker) she was, but in the eyes of the courts, she has no means to support herself.

You need to consult an attorney to have your back. Do you have one? What did they say?

I don't know your whole story, but I can tell your pissed.

Didn't she raise your kids while she was sitting at home doing nothing??? That is a job, although most men don't recognize it. If you didn't have kids than it would be a different story.

Hi, Rman. It's been a long time coming. You've been in a limbo ever since I joined DS. You've been on here so long, given great advice that you could write a book. YEs, it isn't fair. I totally agree. So very sorry....I hope that the divorce ends with some real closure...closure can be worth the money because then you can truly move on. The sooner you get this over with, the sooner you will be done paying her and the younger you will be.