I really feel for you. My situation was her mother lives about 3-4 miles away so I was able to tell her get some stuff together and go stay there, and when you get your place figured out we can discuss what you're taking from the house. It royally pissed her off but oh well, 3 weeks of her leaving every weekend after she dumped me (she was doing this for a couple months before she dropped the hammer also) but I trusted she was with friends (haha) ...
As hard as it was to have her leave it was totally necessary and we talked that night about it and basically wished each other well ..our daughter is now 18 so it's much easier as she can make her own mind up whether she wants to see her mother. Our 27 year old son doesn't talk to her any more. His choice too.

It is impossible to get over someone and having to see them all the time. Does she work?? is she able to move out soon? has she given you an idea as to when that will happen?

I
Am so sorry. I've been there and can feel your pain :( time really does make a difference in things and once she's moved out you'll be able to start healing, you'll become accustomed to another way of living and you'll adjust., Promise.. I'm sorry :( hugs

I totally understand what you are going thru. I went thru the same exact thing as you. As soon as she moves out, life will immediately get better, stress levels will decrease and you can truly start the healing process. BTW. Once she moves out, try to minimize contact with her unless you absolutely have to.

Thanks everyone for your replies.
@Pinkrose, she hasn't worked the entire time we were married (10 years). I supported her and my step-daughters the entire time. In December, she said she wanted to return to work full-time. I got her a job at my company (she starts in mid March, as they had to create a position for her), I thought she would finally help out financially. In January she said she wants to separate and get a divorce. She said she will move out as soon as she can afford. Basically, I feel used... I supported her while she stayed at home, now that she finally got a job THAT I GOT FOR HER, she decided to move out instead of help. She has nowhere to go as her family doesn't support her decision to destroy our marriage and don't want to enable her. Her friends are mutual friends of ours and she doesn't want to make them feel uncomfortable by asking to stay with them.

I feel the fact that you have supported her all these years and despite her choices you still are trying to get her a job she is doing nothing but showing disrespect. I don't have any children but I am assuming if I did the priority would be to get financially stable to take care of them. I think the problem is she knows you will always be the good guy. if there are bills to b paid then she knows you will handle it. If something needs to get done she understands she may not HAVE to do it because she hasn't had to take on that type of responsibility. you have taken care of her a large portion of the time so I think it hasn't clicked that these are all things she will have to do now. I hope she works hard at the job you have helped provided her with and that gets her in a financial position to be able to move out soon! I don't think you will be able to totally begin the healing process for yourself totally in the way you need to until you can have a normal routine without her in it on daily basis. I think in the meantime there will be many nights of anger frustration sadness and a roller coaster of emotions. Hang in there!

I would feel as you do. You honestly should of made her work to find a job like a normal person. She sounds very selfish. I understand not wanting to just kick her out. Now what happens with kids when you seperate have you discussed that. ? I am sorry for your pain, it's hard to have those feelings and her kinda act like she doesn't even care. I sated home when kids were small just a few years and he resents me for that. I have worked over half the relationship but he always acted like I didn't. Yet I provide mostly for our kids and we have our own place. I am frankly tired of the pain of a breakup. It's so draining:(

She could rent a room and give you space. Is this possible in any way?

I feel the same as you. The hard thing is she really shouldn't shouldn't rely on you for a job or position even if it gets her started in a direction she needs to go.

I was out of work for a long time because every job i had i either endured sexual harassment from management or harassment from co workers. The rules for women and men are so different in this world. But if she truly wants to seperate and divorce she needs to be able to care for herself so she can care for her family. That is the way it works.

Could you suggest that she stay with the friend(s) that she is going skiing with? If they are close enough to vacation together then I would think they could let her stay with them until she got on her feet.

Might be worth suggesting to her!

So when she goes away on the weekend ski trip does she take get kids or leAve them with you

Well, just got a text from her saying that she got sick suddenly and have been vomiting since this afternoon and may not be able to make it home tonight. She said she just needs to lay down and rest until she feels better. Isn't that strange??? The snow is just 2 hours away from our house so skiing is usually just a day trip. She told me last night she'll be back the same day. Looks like a change of plans perhaps?

@ refurb... The kids stayed with me today, since it was supposed to be just a day trip.

@ALD13072 - I will definitely suggest she stays with her "friend(s)" since apparently she's staying with them tonight.

Either she thinks I'm stupid as hell to believe her story or perhaps she's telling the truth....

Funny how the excuses just aren't that original...my ex always said her and her friends were drinking and no one wanted to drive so it was easier to just pack a bag and spend the night ... Of course for 24 years it had never been a problem..but for the last 2-3 months of our "relationship" it was a necessity to pack the bag for the weekend drinking with the "gals"...

My honest opinion is it's a lie and she's seeing someone ..I confronted my ex about this nonsense obviously and she completely denied it but all the pieces fell into place once I had her move out. She was in a relationship 10 minutes later ...literally...with some on we both knew. So my advice is face reality because a even a monkey has a firm grip on the next vine after letting go of the old one...

You can't kick her out because she has no place to go...yet she seems to find plenty of places to go when she "meets her friends." You say it's no longer your business...but, she is still under your roof, living off of your income. She doesn't want to stay with friends, because she doesn't want to make them uncomfortable...yet she has no problems making you feel like a hotel. She can't stay with family, because they don't want to enable her...so you hang in there...I don't know what your threshold is...but at some point, she may come home to find the locks have been changed.