Per the advice of my friend and some on this site, I am tolerating her crap to avoid a nasty divorce if it comes to that point (seems very likely right now). She told me that she respects what I've done for her and her kids the past 10 years and is very appreciative. She just doesn't want to be married to me anymore. She said once she moves out, she doesn't want anything from me. I can keep the house, she will not ask for spousal support, she wants nothing but the furniture she got from her aunt and her clothes. She said I did so much for her that she doesn't want to screw me over with alimony and splitting assets.
I am not kicking her out and flying off the handle, because that might make her change her mind and go after me financially.
Yes, it's tough, but I am also looking at the possible consequences if I rock the boat too much.

I like the advice that you don't want to rock the boat maybe you should get as much as you can in writing because right now she is getting what she wants. Who knows what will happen if the divorce starts and things could turn nasty, Hope they dont but as she is willing to leave everything to you right now get it writing otherwise she could go back on her word. Just a suggestion. I am sorry you are going though this. Good luck stay strong.

Do you consider her "trustworthy?" Do you think she is truthful about her trip, etc.?

She seems very adept at manipulation. If you were a neutral observer and had assess who is getting what needs met right now, what would your findings be? It seems she has expertly put herself in complete control, with you afraid to rock the boat by enforcing any boundaries or looking after your needs. This is just my outside observation. It is also how my own situation played out.

So, what makes you think she will keep her word about any of the divorce terms?

Hmm. Free daycare while she is out with her "friend." Free housing. A "default" guy at her beck and call to do anything she asks...

Another thought...What if she has another guy and is ultimately planning to move in with him, so she "doesn't want to take any stuff?" What if that falls through for her?

If you think you can continue to tolerate this, then as @Juneday says - get it in writing now, and notarized. Even so, it may not be worth the prolonged agony she is putting you through.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I feel for you. I know when I decided to leave my husband, my daughter got so mad at me. I went into counseling and it helped both her and me. You may want to put the children into counseling, as well as you (I got lucky, we have a sliding scale for payment) But, it was worth it. It helped her and I and all our relationship. She's learned, not only was she not to blame, but that what is going wrong in our relationship is nothing for her to worry with, she has to remain a child. That this was no one persons fault. A lot of good things.. Good luck to you, I hope for the best!!!

As of 10:30 this morning she isn't home yet. She texted me at 1AM saying she's been trying to go home but keeps throwing up and has a migraine. She ended the text with "I will be home in the morning, let the girls know."

I'm going out of town all week for business, leaving at noon. So, either she's waiting for me to leave before coming back home or she's REALLY REALLY sick. Either way, it is what it is and I can't control her. I just want some respect and her be totally honest whether she's seeing someone or not. She already made it clear she wants to separate, so if she is seeing someone, why lie about it?

Why lie about it? Because she needs your house, your money and your time so you can watch the kids. She doesn't know how you would react to her seeing someone else. Maybe you will throw her out or confront the other guy. Right now she is in control and doesn't want to lose that control by being in the wrong. Don't get me wrong, I know what it is like to have a migraine and if she truly gets them then you already would know her pain because this wouldn't be the first one. If she showed up before you had to leave you would be able to tell with one look if she was suffering with a migraine all night. I am finding that I too need to be careful about my separation turning ugly so I put up with a lot too. You have to ask yourself if it's worth getting an answer to the question you want to ask her. If you know the truth will it turn ugly. I like the idea of getting her to commit to the terms of the separation in writing now while she thinks you are still being nice.

Exactly what Broken234 said...damn its eerie how these scenarios are the same, this crap must have been going on in the stone age.

And my last post was incorrect, it shouldve read:
Even a monkey has a firm grip on the next vine BEFORE letting go of the old one...I think thats the case here. When I first heard that after learning what my ex wife was up to it was an AH HA moment for me.

So...... I'm on a week long business trip and got this text from my wife, "Can you please transfer some $ to my account, I need gas money and we are out of coffee?"

Just mind boggling.....

Yeah ... Like I said...the last week my ex was in the house I got an email from her..."hey can you transfer 400-500 into my account"...that was the one and only email in 24 years I totally ignored. Any other time I was there at the bank. This time I just ignored it. She gave me no choice. Can't have your cake and eat it too...no way.

It sounds like she is hung over honestly. ...but i dint know if she drinks but sudden illness on a ski trip and cant drive equals drinking too much and needing coffe lol. Whatever else she did i wouldn't know but i cant pretty much bet she has a hangover.

Can pretty much bet.

Rediculous excuses

She is an extreme liar.....although you want to believe...You know the truth
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But none of it matters as she is done and is leaving you