Ditto on everything!!! Man this is a good topic - good job TSand. I agree on all counts - I'm very touchy-feely and emotional, and I have strong sexual desires. I love it, but I love just the general intimacy - sitting close, kissing, etc. My stbx was totally NOT into that, and it's very important to me.

Sex for its own sake doesn't interest me. I have to like the person a lot... love talking to them, being close, feeling intimate without even touching. You have a connection or you don't. I would settle for just that, and to have it lead to holding each other close, holding hands, kissing passionately... that would be enough. Of course, if you had all that with someone you really connected with and felt close to, I suspect that sex would follow and be both easy and wonderful. But without all the "other stuff" sex itself is worthless. At least in the relatively fragile state I'm in.

Yep - when we were young and unmarried, you could just go for the one-nighter. Not anymore..... I guess that's called growing up huh? lol Thanks again for the awesome topic. I'm at work, so no cold shower for me. I had a pretty nice hot bath this morning though. :) Good for a cold rainy day like today. Learning to appreciate the little things in life.......

I realized when I hugged a nice guy at church that I do miss the intimacy.

Y'all... the touching, closeness, hand holding, talking, sitting with an arm around you, hugging... it's out there. Just look at all the people on DS that claim they want that. Go on a date. It doesn't have to "lead" to anything.

When y'all figure out how to snuggle without intimacy with a platonic friend, let me know. I can't imagine having the will power of going where no man shouldn't after a little too much touching. :(

Yes, I'm weak... very weak and know that if I put a piece of chocolate in my hand, I won't be able to resist taking a bite. Which basically means I need to stay out of the candy store.

Ah, weak human nature...

Mark

it is really hard. i, too, have never been in a casual relationship and don't want to now, either. of course, I don't really want to be in a serious relationship now either, so it is a bit of a conundrum for me. i do accept where my life is, but i can also realize that what my life is is not what i hope that it will become.

I think we all miss the touching, hugging and partnerships we had. Having sex with someone other than your spouse after a long marriage is really kind of freaky! ...but freaky in a good way! Kind of feel like a teenager again.

looking forward to being freaky... ;) but with the right person.

I don't really know. It is a toss up. The male side of me says "lets rip our clothes off and go for it", but on the other hand, my heart just wants the touch. I want to be able to just sneak a kiss, or hold hands. Talk on the couch with my head in her lap. You know? It is hard to tell someone new, this is all you really want from them. The female automatically assumes that thats all a guy wants from them, so I guess thats why they play the FRIENDS card so often. Cool, I just answered my own question!!

Just my thoughts on the subject.

I guess my story is different then most of the others here. When I married my spouse the intimacy was gone. It was like i was just there to meet his needs but mine were never met.About a month after our marriage he started sleeping on the couch. He had many different excuses. Then when I would touch him he would tell me to leave him alone. Iwas married for 4 years and have never felt so alone.

When I moved out I moved into a apartment and there was a young man who lives upstairs who helped me. 3 days later his girlfriend left him. Somehow and i can't really remember how it started but we became friends. He is 9 years younger then me he is only 24. We have become very close and spend a part of everyday together. He treats me the way I always dreamed of my husband treating me. If I come home with Laundry he comes right out and takes it in for me. He cooks dinner for me and my kids. He has actually gone grocery shopping for me. He always cleans off my car when it snows.
The thing is he dosen't believe in rushing into relationships and his ex is playing the head games with him that she still loves him yet she is living with his ex best friend that she left him for.
I guess I'm confussed because I care about him I know that I wouldn't have made it through the last few months without him but i'm not in Love with him and yet we have found comfort in each others arms. I didn't think I would ever want to be intimate with someone again and i definately wouldn't go looking for a 1 night stand but this is something that just came natural and nature took over.

I agree with Mike.... It is very scarry and extremely exciting at the same time :) Nothing like knowing you can actually please someone else and enjoy it.

ditto Mike and Kim.

The right situation and you remember the "wow" factor.

And..I was divorced and didn't even have to feel guilty about it.

Made me wonder what was so "wow" about doing it in the backseat of a car with another married person with your WHOLE LIFE flashing in front of you. Sounds kind of "anti-wow" to me..

I doubt this is going to come up for me anytime soon. I'm usually relegated to "friend" or "like a sister" early on.

*sigh*

I'm with you and have felt the same way lately. Is that a good sign? I'm not ready for a relationship and quite honestly am more than a little afraid of one. I'd mostly just like some guy friends to talk with hang out with and bounce ideas off of. I want to be sure I'm healed from this divorce before I bring anyone else into this mess my life has become.

I miss it all...I miss the simple things the most..I always had that in my relationship, so I miss it dearly now.

And I also agree with mike40 ...it is a bit freaky...gives me butterflies to even think about the future.