Need a bit more info to help. What was her reason for leaving (in her words)? And, does she see your kids?

Have her habits changed? My experience the only time a partner completely does a 180 like that and goes from planning your future to not wanting one is if there's another person involved somehow. Most people don't put themselves on the outs with their family unless there is another. IMHO. I am by no means an expert. But I have had my husband pull away and we separated for 10 months only to get back together and waste more time on a marriage that is failing again. Save your sanity!

I feel your pain. My husband of 21 years suddenly wanted out of our marriage on Mothers Day this year. A month later, as I was prepared to divorce him, he contacted me saying he made a mistake. Now, he's not sure what he feels. I need to figure out how to let go, but it's really hard. I'm sorry you're going through this. Stay true to yourself.

Well I'm not claiming to be the perfect man. I've never cheated or anything but I got addicted to pills 5 years ago and have been clean for 3 and a half years now. She helped me with that and then we got married(after all the drugs and problems) so I figured everything was moving forward. Now she says that she can't get past what happened 5 years ago which just doesn't make sense to me and sounds like a convenient excuse.

And yes her habits changed. She started drinking a little more in the last 6 months and she has had a new job for the past year which is adding to the stress. I supported her and my kids the whole time (8 years) when she wasn't bringing in money, which is fine but I just feel semi used now.

Have you guys been having alot of arguments?This and the impact of
anew job can bring on alot of stress. She may- and I mean may as in dont
get your hopes up -she may just need a little space to settle her thoughts.
Use this time to re-evaluate the relationship- not just from your perspective
but take into considerations all the statements/feelings she expressed as well.

We recognize internal knots and latent tendencies
so we can transform them.
When our habit energies dissipate,
transformation at the base is there.

You need to be truly honest as a lot of times there are signs that we
decide not to pay attention to and then just think people one day just
up and walk out.

No I really do not think her intentions were to use you.Somewhere things
fell apart-or the communication just dissolved.
Either way I feel that she does not need to drag you along- just be up front with what she wants to do.

That's really all I ask is to be up front about it. I have admitted that I wasn't always the best husband/boyfriend because I worked so much. Since we got married I felt a new sense of responsibility with my sons and her. I felt like the last over 3 years I've gotten 100% better than who I used to be. I told her I was willing to change whatever small things she had problems with but that I couldn't do anything about my actions in the past except apologize. But why go through with building the house if she knew then she wasn't happy. I had a bad feeling about it when I went to sign but ignored it. I still hope she will come back and we can rebuild but if not it's going to be super difficult for me to let go.

Does she see your kids? 3 months away seems like a long time. Sorry you have been going through this. Might have to put your foot down and say - "Hey, what is the deal, are you gone for good or what? Because I want to work this out and I am willing to go to counseling or whatever it takes. But it seems you have given up on us and saying now it is because of my past addiction, but then why did we buy this house? I deserve to know what your intentions are."

She's probably seeing someone and you're the backup plan. I hate to be blunt, but that is usually the reality of these situations. I would not let her string you along forever. Start cultivating a mindset of moving on without her. Also tell her you are not willing to wait around in limbo forever, and that you would like to see some commitment to your marriage/family. If she can't give you that, then choose how long you are willing to wait (not too long, for your own sake) and then pull the plug.

Sorry for your situation. It is somewhat similar to mine in 2015 (now divorced). In my experience and many of the stories I've read here and elsewhere, it usually indicates an affair and the damage done is usually too much to overcome. Best wishes to you and your kids.

By the way, if she has taken the kids, you have a right to see them! Get a free consult from a lawyer. Don't let her establish a new "status quo" with the kids being with her 90% or more of the time or you will never get equal custody in a divorce. Start protecting yourself now!

You know listening to everyone- I just cannot get the amount of divorces
compared to 10 twenty years ago- people walk out at the drop of a dime.
People just do not care. I agree too with GirlinCalif and Stepping OverThe Bridge-why should you be strung along. It is not fair.At least and I know it is no
consolation but at least your situation isnt like someone I know where they
methodically and systematically hurt you on purpose-please though and
with everyone here-you know out here in this world it is like innocent people(and no one is perfect) are like sheep for the slaughter- I mean check this out- your married right? jb2010- and you literally have to beg? beg the
person to sit and talk like an adult?- You have to be in limbo suspended in air
I mean seriously I read so much unbelievable stories on this site and people
have no respect for one another. I mean you people have children together
I do not get it really I dont I mean it is not even necessary for me to get it.
Honestly its always best not to try to make sense out of nonsense.Her doing
what she is doing is delaying your life and if she is going to move on-it is delaying your healing process. Stay positive, hey stay strong,vent and be truthful to yourself always remembering that the Most profound relationship
that you will ever have in this world is with your self.Take care

Thanks for all the support. Yes we are still married technically, and we have the kids 50/50 although I tend to have them 75% of the time. Which is okay with me. Idk what else to try, We were high school sweethearts and best friends I thought. I'm gonna give it 2 weeks and if there is no answer then I'm just going to have to settle. I'm now stuck with this big ass house payment by myself on land my grandmother gifted me so selling is not an option. If I hadve known I wouldn't have built one this size.

Hi jb2010,

I’m sorry for this predicament that you’ve found yourself in. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions as to why your wife has made her choice. I think the most important thing for you to do is to continue to treat her as your wife, (forsaking all others) and giving her the space she needs. In the meantime, I would focus on yourself, and your spirituality if you have something like that in your life. I will pray that you and your wife find some resolution to your circumstances.

Outlook2018

So sorry you are going through this. Maybe you two got together too young, and one or both of you grew up and changed what they wanted out of life, who knows? It is a shame because of you two having kids. I wouldn't focus on her saying it was your past pill addiction, because that sounds like BS. Maybe her new job, new drinking patterns.... she thinks she has found some "new fun life" now. Maybe being a wife and mother is not so "fun" anymore to her. She is being immature. And irresponsible. So sorry that she is doing this to you, and she is doing this to her kids. Not a lot you can do to change someone else's mind. Suggest couples counseling to her. Say it's for the kids' sake. Does she know you are going through with a divorce in 2 weeks? Let her know you are serious about divorcing.