I am hearing two things. First, I am curious if he told you "what it was" he realized 3 weeks ago.

Second, I am wondering what is/was happening that you are so surprised?

Your financial fears are legit. However fairly easy to solve, by changing our focus you are dependent on him, to "what do you really, seriously, inspiringly want?" if you learn to dig deep and really understand what you want, there is a very reliable process to get anything you want. This is a place of confidence. Totally rediculous to imagine feeling this way in your current state and situation. But it is not crazy hard to get there. Faith in yourself is what you need.

I really am curious about why you are totally surprised. That is worth asking him about.

Finally, I would not try to pour your heart out to him right now. I would check your amygdala at the door, and bravely probe to understand where he is coming from. This information will be a good reflection on the things you need to work on yourself. Noone is 100% responsible for a relationship ending. Weather you 1%, 10% 50% or 90%, at fault you have a part. The great thing about this is since something is your fault, you have something you can change that impacts the relationship.

I know it may feel like criticism in the midst of your bleeding marriage, I am hoping to plant seeds for your future self. Whether you stay or go, does not really change the tasks that you own.

Hi HOWELLGIRL, welcome to DS support groups!

I'm very sorry that you are experiencing such sad news, and on top of the pandemic and unemployment issues is just as horrible. I can see the image of how helpless and alone you feel.

Have you considered seeking professional counseling on your own? If your husband can't see the point of continuing your marriage, then clearly you have to do what's now in your own best interest. Setting goals to move on and forward with or without him is the next step, seemingly. Right now, your husband is in his own "privy-house," which means that he is slamming the door on you. He has told you what he thinks about you and your marriage, and there is nothing you can do to replace his feelings for you. You literally are on your own. Now is the time to seek something beyond him and leave expectations as the two of you staying as a couple is mute; he explains things very clearly. I'm so sad for you too. I understand your confusion and lonely feelings. This can be a drain on you unless you are willing to save the best of what you really have, which is your pride and self-worth.

Best of many hugs to you today! God is with you.

Hi- Have you tried individual counselling? It will help you to manage the things going on in your life right now. I hope you can also encourage your husband to seek counselling- individual and marriage.

You can also join a support group for women, it will help you to feel less lonely and alone. In my church, we have a women’s group and it’s very helpful. It encourages me especially when I hear life experiences from other women and how they handle problems.

I’m very sorry that you are going through a rough time. Please stay strong. We are here for you. Things may be difficult right now but I hope you will remain hopeful. I pray that you will be surrounded with God’s peace and strength and things will get better in your marriage. Please keep us posted,

@Choosethisday, @Remiah
@Eli_mom
Thank you all for your words. You don't know how much I needed and appreciate them.

Choosetheday, I am surprised because 2 weeks before this we were talking about opening another chapter to our business, we were intimate continuously, hadn't had an argument in months, talk to his mom daily with all 3 of us on the phone and he always gloating over me, just told me about 3 or 4 months ago that he was ok and we were good and going to be ok.

What it was?
He realized after 13 years why he is and has never been happy. He no longer is in love with me, but he loves me. We don't communicate right.....we don't get along. He doesn't see anything good that this marriage produced.

Can't believe I just that without tears.

As for counseling, I NEED it but again I am unemployed and since we started the business, we didn't have new insurance. Cobra ran out last month.

Thanks again everyone!

Howellgirl, it's always a blessing to help a special person overcome anything. I will tell you that although this support group does not claim to have professional counselors or therapists, many are well-trained in personal experiences, and you just might save a few bucks by logging in as often as you can, reading through the scripts of history posted here, and making a friend's list to carry you through the long trail of emotions this sort of breakup dumps on ya. Herein this support site and many groups of DS communities are a plethora of feedback, advice, and useful guidance. I promise if you use it well (as intended) you will reap the benefits of better emotional, mental, and physical strength. And my compliments to the site administrators and team leaders. Excellent work.

I've visited and used dailystrength support groups for my own healing for many years, and this is one of the best support sites online, really, I mean this sincerely. Showing up here is not expensive, it's confidential, you are not pressured to reveal anything, people are caring and supportive, you can communicate openly or privately, and if you are not getting enough strong support you may easily close out your account and come back when you feel like it. :-)

Thank you Remiah!

Hello HowellGirl. Your story if extremely similar to mine. Being blindsided when you thought things were great is so devastating. I have been in the same state of confusion as you for the past 4 years after the divorce. I continually asked myself what went wrong? Then, I recently got some news that explained it all to me and has basically destroyed me as a man. I just found out the reason my ex-wife told me she did not love me anymore is because she was having an affair with a younger man all along. Is it possible that your husband had found a girl friend behind your back and he finally dropped to bomb on you?

Hi Maddog,
People keep asking me that. It is possible. The parameters of that would be an old flame or someone in his past. Old FB high school friends have been an issue before but not major issue because it was conversation/ post. He would never admit it so that is even more pain. I just have to get me together. I have gone over that in my head hundreds of times though. I definitely feel compared to someone. Why else how could he all of a sudden know my love is different than .....what...
Oh this is killing me. How do I process all of this.

He claims that he just started think about why he wasn't happy with us......yeah that has to be part of it. So do I let him go or do I fight...waste my time?

HOWELLGIRL, your husband is lucky that you're still listening to this crap. And the thought did pass by me that he's with another person, or he's found interest in another relationship. And he didn't just all of a sudden start thinking; I agree with you that old FB behavior is still in his blood. And you really are being compared to someone or more people.

In reference to your questions: fight? Let him go? Waste time? At present, you can only make the call personally by observations of the present life and not the past. He has left the building on past relationships with you; new language is coming from his mouth, unfamiliar to you, so the past is dead at this point. You fight for what's fascinating you. Let go when you are clinging to bear threads. It is a waste of time when you are bored and sharing nothing in common.

All is just my personal opinion. You handle it to the extent that makes you comfortable at heart.

Hello HowellGirl.
I feel for you so much! I am in the exact same state of mind, even 4 years after the break-up. I am in a total state of hopelessness too. People keep telling me that it gets better. For me in gets worse every day. That is why I go to counseling to try to understand. That is why I joined this site. Sharing does help me cope, albeit just a little. The thoughts of being compared are brutal. I constantly picture my ex-wife in bed with this guy and . . . well you know! I just want you to know that there are people out there like me that understand what you are going through. for what it is worth.

Break ups are always painful, and I think you learn to live with the pain before healing can take place. You ask fight or let go? Only you can answer that but need you do either at present? He's closed a door, and you can either try and force it open or walk away from it, but I'm in a similar situation and I'm just standing near the door, not fighting nor walking away.

@Sherlock221, as much as I want to stand close to the door I walked away :( My exhusband and I were friends for almost 20 years. We got engaged in 2011 and were married in 2012. I lost my 13-year career during COVID-19 budget cuts. And after more than a year of walking my ex through stage 3 colon cancer he decided to go back to his first wife. What I didnt know is that I had been living in a lie for years. When writing my answer to his divorce complaint I found a contract that he and his 1st wife entered 5 months AFTER he had given me the engagement ring. Hindsight is great! I wouldn't have married him had he been truthful and told me he was very much entangled with the 1st wife he divorced in the late 90's. I value myself too much to live in the pain. Anyone listening, please know life is too short to hold onto pain. I've lost loved ones during this pandemic and life is too precious to dwell in hurt. Embrace what's left of this beautiful life, blue skies, fresh air, a free country, friends, new beginnings, LIFE itself. My love to all

@MelT2020
WOW! I can't imagine going through something like that. You seem to be ok though...better than ok. What a great place to be. I try to think like that but at times it seems so hard to come out of the darkness especially with my parents gone and no children. I think if I was employed I would feel better.. You are so right though. Too much to live for and look forward to. I want to be stronger, but it will take time. Blessings to you! Thanks for the encouraging words.

@Howellgirl: it's not easy. One day at a time. I have my moments, my divorce is less than 2 months old and I do feel pain, but I refuse to stay in the pain for too long. I redirect my mind with meditation, reading, talking with friends, searching for a better job, etc. After I lost my 13-year career I took a job making half the pay of my previous job and working 3 times as hard because I didnt want to ask my ex for one dime. I wanted a complete fresh start.
I'm praying for healing, peace and restoration to your heart. You are more than enough just as you are. Amen