Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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One day, I clicked on the dropdown menu of AOL to revisit a website and I saw the history of my husband's websites instead of my own. It was some sort of a computer glitch. I was shocked by what I saw.
There was a predominance of sex websites. Not porn pictures, but sex advice, erotic literature. For the most part, I can overlook those sites - although the number of visits troubles me a little. However, the real problem for me is that there was a visit to AOL singles, and a google search for a "MILF" with the name of the city in which we live.
I told my husband what happened and asked him if he had an explanation. First, he said that sometimes a person clicks on a website and opens it accidentally. Then he tried to blame me for invading his privacy. It is a shared family computer. I didn't go looking for this information. I couldn't find it again if I tried.
Later, he gave me an elaborate story for the MILF search that is a complete load of BS. How do I even trust him? He is more upset that I found out than remorseful for what he did.
I haven't actually caught him having an affair, but it sure seems like he's looking. At one point, I flat out asked him if he had a girlfriend. His response was that he was flattered that I thought he could get a girlfriend. And, no, he doesn't have one.
Flattered? What the hell?
There was a predominance of sex websites. Not porn pictures, but sex advice, erotic literature. For the most part, I can overlook those sites - although the number of visits troubles me a little. However, the real problem for me is that there was a visit to AOL singles, and a google search for a "MILF" with the name of the city in which we live.
I told my husband what happened and asked him if he had an explanation. First, he said that sometimes a person clicks on a website and opens it accidentally. Then he tried to blame me for invading his privacy. It is a shared family computer. I didn't go looking for this information. I couldn't find it again if I tried.
Later, he gave me an elaborate story for the MILF search that is a complete load of BS. How do I even trust him? He is more upset that I found out than remorseful for what he did.
I haven't actually caught him having an affair, but it sure seems like he's looking. At one point, I flat out asked him if he had a girlfriend. His response was that he was flattered that I thought he could get a girlfriend. And, no, he doesn't have one.
Flattered? What the hell?
Really, GSCH????? Sexual addiction does not have ANYTHING to do with men "not getting any at home!" I am so irritated at you for saying this!
I have done way more research than I ever wanted to into sexual addiction--it is a complex physiological, emotional, and spiritual problem that cannot be simply reduced to "not getting any at home!"
Sex is NOT a commodity--it is part of a relationship, and this "not getting any" mentality, like sex is a serving of pie or something, is absolutely archaic!
Give me a break!
I want to elaborate on my earlier post--I have been married for 13 years to a man who has masturbated daily with porn since around the age of 16. I did not know this before we got married.
Early in our marriage, I accidentally found porn on our computer. He tried to explain it away. This happened several times in our marriage. He gave me the stories about opening things "accidentally" as well.
Three years ago, he confessed infidelity to me, telling me that he had had sex with five prostitutes and a stripper while traveling for business.
He subsequently told me that he had lied to me before about his use of porn, and that he had engaged in phone sex and gone into chat rooms for sex.
He told me that all of it--the porn, the erotic stories (and he is REALLY into erotic stories) was part of the same thing--that the more "harmless" stuff was just some of the first steps on the road to infidelity--like what TD said.
Why don't you think he's having an affair? When my husband and I were separated three years ago, I swore to an attorney that there was no way he would be unfaithful to me....although at that time he already had been.
I am not a pessimistic person....When my husband said that he wanted me, I stayed with him and tried to work things out....tried to love him, tried to have exciting, dramatic sex at least once or twice a day, tried to grow "porn star" hair, got fragrances that smelled like "stripper smell," tried to cook more, tried to help him explore his deep-seeded issues more, tried so hard....but in the end it didn't matter....he continued to be cruel and seek out masturbation and porn as relief for stress....the pressures of having a relationship with an actual person, rather than a two-dimensional object, were too much for him. He began to be cruel to me and my daughter, moved to California, and is a real jerk to us now.
Is your husband going to change? I invested three more years of my life into a marriage that was not working, all in the name of hope. It didn't work--he didn't want to change. Your husband's denial of his behavior, trying to cover up what he has done online or minimize it, makes me think that he probably doesn't want to change.
Think long and hard....this is your life, and you need to decide what you want out of it and what you don't. Life is short. Don't put up with this garbage from someone who is supposed to love you. I have "been there," and I see big red flags from your husband's behavior.
Also, my STBX has something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder--google it just to see if your husband matches any of the characteristics--the best stuff I've found on it is by a guy named Sam Vaknin.
Best wishes.