At the very least, he's fantasizing about cheating on you. The fact that he's concocting elaborate lies to cover for himself now bodes poorly. Instead of trying to figure out whether he's already cheated or whether he will cheat, I'd suggest counseling for both of you to find out what his dissatisfaction with your marriage stems from.

He's lying.

I am sorry and ya I think he was caught red handed. I have to say when I saw your title I thought that it was from Soon trying to hook up with someone. LOL Love you Soon.
I do wish you the best and I would take Frank's suggestion. Big hugs to you.

I have to agree with Frank's comment and suggestion.

geez that story sounds familiar. He's sick.

Sounds like he's in stage one of the escalation process.

well as a wife of a very well seasoned porn addict. I can tell you from my experience....he's LYING! The fact that he feels more compelled to explain it more gives him away. AOL was one of the very first venues for online chat and swing singles/ porn portholes. Since then the internet has exploded. My ex started out on AOL.

Trust has been seriously ruptured. If I were you I'd secretly install spyware but he'll be suspicious about it and may take his business underground. An iphone can do suffice. I'd also place some recording devices in places and then leave the house. Look for extra cell phones too. Start socking away money and research lawyers just in case and get a solid grip on all expenses and pensions and retirement funds and investments. Definitely try the counseling route....it didn't work for me but my conscious is clear.

In most states you don't have to prove infidelity...the law doesn't care most divorces are no fault. So the only reason to do any checking or spying is to see if he cleans up his act.

in my case there was an extra cell phone, and extra portable hard drive, and several extra woman, ......I so hope your situation is salvageable.

I'm with zippid.

The prognosis isnt great, but you might be able to find out for sure what is going on. Maybe, just maybe (and I'm being very optimistic here) he is telling the truth.

Google: keylogger

These programs will run silently on any computer and email you (or save for later) screenshots of what was viewed, anything that was typed, or read, including passwords, etc. It sucks that you have to spy, but that may be the only way you get the truth.

I suggest you go to a counselor too. Maybe he did not know what a MILF was. it was brought up on here a little while ago and some people did not know what it was. Some sites when you open them up do pop up with your town on them. Some adult sites I have been on pop up with my small town. Some men have a problem with seeing porn but than others go there because they are not getting any at home.

IEHV = Internet History View (utility program)

http://www.nirsoft.net/utils/iehv.html

Free utility program that may be used to review Internet surfing history. I heard about this as being used by parents to monitor children's surfing history.

Also there exists a program that will monitor for PORN surfing and send emails to "accountability partners" when PORN sites are visited. I heard about this in a Christian Men's Meeting some years ago to help men recover from PORN addiction.

May I suggest that you review the DivorceCare DVD module on "single sex" and see if that might apply to your situation. This might give your husband a new way to think about sex inside of marriage and appreciate more what he has versus what the separation/divorce alternative might be for him. It could be an eye opener.

Also, marriage encounter might help if both parties are willing.

Counseling has been suggested.

I wish you Godspeed to a successful outcome.

I appreciate everyone taking the time to reply. Sometimes, it helps me to have someone else's perspective because my husband tends to behave as though I am making something out of nothing.

We have been to counseling multiple times during our marriage. Recently, I asked him about going again because this is just one of many unresolved issues. His response was that he was afraid that the counselor would side with me. (I didn't realize counselors are there to take sides.) And that he would be really mad if the answer came back that we should just get a divorce. (Again, not sure that is it's the counselor's job to give us an answer.)

those are interesting responses from him. hes already assuming the worst and somehow hes going to "lose". arent therapists supposed to be supportive of you and not put one spouse against the other?

hed rather lie to you than come clean.thats a big red flag.

If it's the same situation as mine, he's a liar and thinks you're an idiot.

He may have already left you in his mind. Soon he will be testing the cheating waters.
However.
I did go and look at sex sites on the computer. It was kinda fun to get advice on how to do sex better.
Milf is a acronym for, Mother I would like to Fock.
There are some pretty milfs out there.
It was kinda fun to look around and see what types of sex activities are out there and milfs. Who is playing with who and where they meet. How they meet. Will I see anyone I know.
My friends and I go to single sites and the ashley madison site ( that is a site dedicated to cheaters) to see if there was any one we knew so we could bust them.
Its hard to judge motive. And know why he is looking. Should you even look into his private affairs is a question you might ask yourself are you strong enough to not have to worry about what he is thinking.
Doing so can harm you. And him.
People here are sensitive to those places on the internet because most of us have been cheated on.
The knee jerk reaction here is, he is cheating. Maybe maybe not.
Counseling is good.
It is very easy to slam men that look at those websites. Sex can be a very powerful tool to control men. Not just by giving it or taking it away. But rather by judging him by what he looks at. You cant control his urges and what he likes to look at. It may or may not be bad. Doing so my bring up resentment.
I bet it isnt what you think.
You cant control what he thinks.
My point is,,,,,,,,,
I liked to look at that stuff. It was a extension of my private thoughts and curiosities. You invaded his private space and judged him on is inner most thoughts and desires. Don'T jump to conclusions and don't put to much stock in the advice you get here.
Be flexible and if this still bugs you in month or so consider counseling. Don'T drag to much drama into it. Its not worth your heartache. Most men know they have a good thing women at home and if he looked its not that he is looking to replace you it just means he looked thats all.
Matt

Just a funny anecdote.
Maybe he was searching for
Man I would like to f---------