I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago and I'm not dealing well at all.  We were together for 5 years but it was very toxic!  I feel so stupid for staying so long and letting someone treat me so bad.  He had lived with me for most of the relationship and didnt start helping with rent until 6 months ago and when he did it was only $200 a month.  For 5 years I paid for rent, provided food, paid utilitues and gave him rides.  He refused to go shopping with me, barely took me anywhere, sat in his room and played video games, drank beer and smoked weed.  He rarely helped with chores and only did stuff when it was convenient to him or when he knew I was upset.  He threatened to leave when I brought up smoking in the house or if it had anything to do with him.  I couldn't talk to him about anything. I was so afraid to approach him cause he'd threaten to leave. I have codependacy issues big time.  He barely kept a job and any money he made after my $200 was for beer and weed.  He didn't drive, couldn't cook or clean. Never did his taxes or even had a bank account.  I mean he was basically a child.  And yet through all of this, I felt he loved me.  How dumb am I?  I had enough of his mistreatment and his drinking problem.  He was coming home drunk everyday.  I feel like he had mental issues as well as alcoholism and that his family and me too had enabled his behavior. I feel he had a good heart but didn't have the skills to properly navigate life.  So Im just full of emotion. I miss him a lot yet Im very disappointed in myself for being so stupid.  Im not sure why im writing this. Im so embarrassed.