Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Minnie72
Minnie72

Hi everyone my husband recently left, we had been having problems for the past few months. He had tried to leave once before but we talked but l always said if he indicated it  again l would let him go. We have been married for 5years and together 9 I love him so much but I knew something was emotionally going on with him. I have asked is it someone else he says no because l am willing to accept and divorce him. After he said he was leaving that day l packed his things up and had my son meet him with his stuff that night, I didnt want to see him l was so hurt l even blocked him for a while. Once l calm some and unblocked he was calling/texting and saying he had really wanted to come back that night but he will stay with his brother and take  some time to think. He says he is loves me and still in love with me he checks on me daily, I miss him so much, l just feel its more to this which l would be hurt but willing to accept and move on l just want to know. My husband says this has nothing to do with a woman its about him soul searching  and thinking about the wrongs he has done during this marriage. He said this is a  temporary space, just a little time is all. I am so up and down l cry alot but l also let my mind wonder often, l want to go spy and so much more. Please any advice

GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It is a tough time, for sure.

Can you explain a little more what kind of problems there were in your marriage? I am not clear what the issues were that led to a separation.

You're going to be okay! Writing helps to get the feelings out.
Minnie72
Minnie72
Thank you my husband and l did not have major issues it was he money habits and bill paying. He would help pay bills but what was left he would spend in a day or two. That always meant l had to help him until he got paid again, he also would lie and said he paid something and did not. So we argued and alot l felt like he would flip it and say l am all about money l am not l just wanted us to be okay and succeed. My husband has a great heart is loving and did anything for me l never thought l get married at 44, with him doing all this l was stressed. I admit romance was slipping but l was working extra hours to make up for things, he works hard but l make more money. This had been going on for a few years really and kept telling him to do better and he kept saying l blamed him for everything. Really I wasnt blaming him just wanted him to do better, he couldnt understand the money was stressing me along with working extra hours and a part time job
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Why do you think he left? It sounds like you were the one that was unhappy. So why would he leave? And now he sounds like he wants to come back?

What is it that YOU really want. This is your life, after all. You deserve to be happy and to be with someone who is on the same page as far as financial goals and spending habits. Finances are one of the top reasons people get divorced.

Try this. If you can step back and take emotion out of it for just one minute, think about do you really want to stay married to this man. Not staying because you are lonely, or "used to" him, or feel familiar being with him.... do you really really WANT to be married to this particular man.

Trust me, you will definitely find someone else. You are not old at all! You would be a catch to any man. You have a good paying job, you seem very nice. I wouldn't base your decision on thinking that you couldn't find anyone else. Because you definitely would find someone else, and probably someone better, who is on the same page as you are about life goals, busy work schedules, and everything else.
Minnie72
Minnie72
I could tell he was unhappy but l felt like he was acting like a little boy and trying to blame me for it when he was miserable inside about all the dumb stuff he was doing. He told me it seems like he blamed me but it was him hurting inside because he says I am good woman and he feels like a worthless low life man. To answer your question l do want to be with my husband, I love him so much and he has qualities that made me feel this way. I do not care about being alone or finding another man, because to be honest if we divorce l rather be single for a while.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
My suggestion is to give this some time. Maybe he moved out on an impulse, but he needs some time to get himself together. If/when he comes back, there obviously will be things the two of you need to discuss. And tell him that in the future he can't just run away any time there is a problem in the marriage.

So for now, try your best to keep busy, go to work, exercise, get sleep, take good care of yourself. It's hard, while you're hurting emotionally. Write in a journal., it helps to get the feelings out. Talk to your girl friends. Spend time with family.

I think this just needs some time. My experience has been that sometimes guys need time completely apart from their partner, to get themselves together. No contact would be best, but at least try to keep contact to a bare minimum. If he came back right away, nothing will have changed. He needs to figure himself out and his financial situation. He needs to figure out how to be a better man than he has been.

Let us know how it's going. You're going to be okay!
Minnie72
Minnie72
Thank you so much just your few replies made me feel better and really step back and think about myself more really. I agree you cant just run away. Yes l have read articles to keep busy and take care of myself, its been hard sleeping though. I did purchase a journal to start writing about my feelings and l have do have a good support system. I am glad l found this forum and I will post any updates, thanks again you give good advice.
joejoe23
joejoe23
I am sorry for your pain. You have made it clear to him how you feel that you still love him...it is up to him to sort out what he is feeling and unfortunately it is his timeline and on his terms. Hopefully he figures out how much he still loves and wants you sooner rather than later. Give him the space and time that he needs, as I think that demonstrates your love, kindness and understanding for what is troubling him. In the meantime, give your self esteem a boost by going out and visiting friends, starting a new hobby, new diet, exercise....do the things that make you happy. Best wishes to the both of you.
FOF9303
FOF9303
@Minnie72 I feel your pain and so sorry that you are in this position right now. Have you asked your husband about going to counseling? You love him and he loves you, let someone help you figure out some things together so that you can move forward together in a healthier relationship. With that being said, be sure there is not another woman. I am sorry that I am suspicious when it comes to husbands just leaving like that,.. only because I have been down this road and do not want to see you get hurt even more. Ask him if he would be interested in counseling, some are online and can give you homework and techniques to work on that you do in between sessions. I hope things turn around for you quickly. God Bless.
Minnie72
Minnie72
Thanks everyone, and yes l already suspected another woman he says no but you know some people lie. I appreciate you guys comments and kind words but l think the divorce is soon. Now all of sudden he is talking about how much he hurts people that loves him and all the mistakes he made before me, I keep telling him we can work on this together with counsel. I love my husband but l cant be played along so he can do whatever he wants, I just want answers to move on with my life. Our talk has him now acting even more strangely towards me l have no idea what is wrong with him. I am good woman that loved this man unconditionally when no one would. l want this to be over l deserve better and respect.
Minnie72
Minnie72
Hello everyone he was lying the whole time and playing games. He didnt want the marriage the divorce papers are being filed soon. I feel defeated a man that was put down and ignored by so many and l looked past and loved him. Oh well l am taking it day by day and my friends/family has rally around me.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Thanks for the update. Please don't be hard on yourself. You are a nice and kind person, and that's the type of person that abusers like to target.

No shame in being a good person! You are destined to be with another good person. I am sorry this man took advantage of your good heart.

I'm glad you have support around you. And look into therapy, too, because that can help to get an outside perspective from an objective person.

You are going to be okay. Better than okay. You'll probably feel a lot better once he is out of your life. Like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

Best wishes for a fantastic life ahead of you :)
Longlife12
Longlife12
you have to get your walls up for him coz now you know has has the option of leaving you long time before he did coz he had to put a lot into consideration before he decided to leave, if you let him in there will be no doubt he won't do this again or maybe worse. Give yourself time to think about what is best for you, life is too short.
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