Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've really had to re-evaluate my life, surroundings, relationships, etc this past weekend.
It seems as though I am in the midst of yet another break-up although there has been no closure. I have accepted the fact that a conversation of closure may not happen, and Im ok with that.
What I am finding strange and somewhat unsettling, is that I am not heartbroken, hurt, angry, etc. Its a feeling of borderline apathy mixed with a complete feeling of trust in the universe. Its not that I dont care, or that I didnt love him...because I sure did. Im wondering if this is healthy, or not so healthy. I have learned over this past weekend that it is not even remotely possible to hurt the way I did with my ex husband.
So..is this a good thing, or is "bad"?? I cant figure that part of it out.
The man i was involved with just suddenly cut off communication and "disappeared" Yes, he is currently in Afghanistan and has so much going on. I am and was prepared for that. I have been through so many deployments and can handle it.
He decided to go to Germany on leave rather than come home. I was ok with that, I supported his decision and was happy that he was doing what he needed to do to take care of himself.
And then..I never heard back from him again. He hasnt responded to my emails WHILE on vacation or even since he has been back. Its been weeks. I know this is my cue to let go. I just wish there were some integrity involved.
I remember after my divorce was final..having a conversation with my ex husband. He said that I was "capable" of love. He was right. I am capable, and he was not. I was made to go the distance, I held on when I shouldnt have and lived on hope for so many years.
My best froend said something to me this weekend that really struck a chord. She said that I "hold myself hostage to people" And you know what...she is right. My word is everything. When I say something, I mean it. When I commit to someone, I hold on..even when it is being shown to me that it is time to let go. These inner contracts that I have with myself are causing me more harm.
Time to rewrite the rule books, I suppose. But this is very difficult for me to do. I need to learn how to adapt and change when situations change. Guess its time to get that chameleon suit out.
Im grateful for my experiences. And while I have to let go, I know that I AM capable of love again after so much pain with my ex husband. I was brave enough to give my heart away..and I will be brave enough to do it yet again, should the opportunity arise once more. I will no settle for coldness or lack of communication. I will continue to be true to myself.
I have some good memories of him...his beautiful face, his kindness, the chance of experiencing love again, the connection that I found to myself through him to my "goddess" energy and sexuality. All good lessons... I will continue to honor those.
Looking for the blessings and good in things....more lessons I had to learn and now its time to rewire. I will no longer hold myself hostage...
Namaste-
It seems as though I am in the midst of yet another break-up although there has been no closure. I have accepted the fact that a conversation of closure may not happen, and Im ok with that.
What I am finding strange and somewhat unsettling, is that I am not heartbroken, hurt, angry, etc. Its a feeling of borderline apathy mixed with a complete feeling of trust in the universe. Its not that I dont care, or that I didnt love him...because I sure did. Im wondering if this is healthy, or not so healthy. I have learned over this past weekend that it is not even remotely possible to hurt the way I did with my ex husband.
So..is this a good thing, or is "bad"?? I cant figure that part of it out.
The man i was involved with just suddenly cut off communication and "disappeared" Yes, he is currently in Afghanistan and has so much going on. I am and was prepared for that. I have been through so many deployments and can handle it.
He decided to go to Germany on leave rather than come home. I was ok with that, I supported his decision and was happy that he was doing what he needed to do to take care of himself.
And then..I never heard back from him again. He hasnt responded to my emails WHILE on vacation or even since he has been back. Its been weeks. I know this is my cue to let go. I just wish there were some integrity involved.
I remember after my divorce was final..having a conversation with my ex husband. He said that I was "capable" of love. He was right. I am capable, and he was not. I was made to go the distance, I held on when I shouldnt have and lived on hope for so many years.
My best froend said something to me this weekend that really struck a chord. She said that I "hold myself hostage to people" And you know what...she is right. My word is everything. When I say something, I mean it. When I commit to someone, I hold on..even when it is being shown to me that it is time to let go. These inner contracts that I have with myself are causing me more harm.
Time to rewrite the rule books, I suppose. But this is very difficult for me to do. I need to learn how to adapt and change when situations change. Guess its time to get that chameleon suit out.
Im grateful for my experiences. And while I have to let go, I know that I AM capable of love again after so much pain with my ex husband. I was brave enough to give my heart away..and I will be brave enough to do it yet again, should the opportunity arise once more. I will no settle for coldness or lack of communication. I will continue to be true to myself.
I have some good memories of him...his beautiful face, his kindness, the chance of experiencing love again, the connection that I found to myself through him to my "goddess" energy and sexuality. All good lessons... I will continue to honor those.
Looking for the blessings and good in things....more lessons I had to learn and now its time to rewire. I will no longer hold myself hostage...
Namaste-
The other thing that stands out to me here.... the greatest test of relationships is to see how people handle adversity. One may be willing to support and trudge through..but if the other is an escape artists... that kind of imbalance is a recipe for disaster. Thats not to say that we cant be patient as we are all learning and growing.... I guess Im just a long haul kind of girl.
I have asked for nothing from this man other than complete honesty from the beginning.
AND
I did ask if he could pick up the phone to call me when he got to Germany after not hearing his voice for 6 months. I guess that was too much to ask for.
And I need to be ok with that.
sorry it didn't work out, or even work out honestly...you made a cute couple.
But then you're cute, and a cool chick to boot. I don't imagine you'll have to be alone much longer than you want to.
MrLastGuy is missing out, I think.
i admire how well you know yourself, and how honest you are being with yourself with this. i dont think that it is unhealthy to feel how you are feeling. they are your feelings, they are real and valid. perhaps they will change over time and you will mourn in a different way, maybe not. it just seems that no matter what comes of it, you will be facing it head on and dealing with it realistically - and i do not see that as unhealthy.
the capable of love phrase - that resonated with me in my past relationship. thank you for that.
i hope to be in a place of strength like this one day - i think it is wonderful that you opened yourself up to this opportunity and are learning from the experience. thats all we can do isnt it?
sending some peace your way. xoxo
but, there is a lot of information that you don't have to make solid conclusions about the situation. anything could have happened to him and that is why you have not heard from him. sometimes, we just have to let blank pieces of information be blank.
if he really is the type of person to just stop communicating, then he obviously was not anywhere near your caliber of person. this is not a reflection on you at all.
i do agree that active duty military types are a long shot to bet on. his personality type might have been a step in the right direction for you though.
Maybe he is missing out, maybe he isnt. Who knows. But his silence is deafening and speaks volumes to me. I guess he made his decision, just didnt bother to tell me..and I have to accept that. Obviously he doesnt feel as if he is missing out, and with this behavior, neither do I :)
I dont have the desire to isolate like I did with my ex husband, yet I dont have the desire to rush back out there. Im just going to trust in the universe, and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, at this very moment in time.
I dont want to jump to jump to conclusions or project... but...
here is/was the situation... please feel free to tell me your perspective as you always know that I value your thoughts and opinions.
Mid September he was scheduled for 2 weeks of leave. We had discussed leave prior to deployment. He decided he wanted to come back here for a week, then visit his mother for a week.
As leave approached, he didnt say anything about plans or arrangements. I simply asked if he was still slotted for leave in one of our emails back and forth. He said that he was, but was considering going to Germany for his 2 weeks. He said that he didnt want to do a lot of traveling. I COMPLETELY understand that. I supported his decision. He was afraid that I would be upset with him for choosing to go there instead of coming back here to the US. I told him, and meant it when I said that I wanted him to get the rest he needed and deserved and that I was totally fine with that.
I did however, ask if he could please call me when he arrived in Germany to let me know he was safe. At that point, we hadnt talked on the phone in almost 6 months. He chooses to contact me via email..and this has been the way we have been communicating all of this time. I understand the phone situation there and what a pain in the ass it is... he has to stand in line for ungodly amounts of time to use the phone. I accepted this and understand. Emails would come in every chance he got..every few days or so. Once again, I am fine with this too.
When he got to Germany I got a quick email saying he arrived. I was happy he was safe and appreciated letting me know he got there ok. For the 2 WEEKS he was there on a vacation, I heard from him once, via email. His email was general, just about his enjoyment of the country, the beer, etc. I wrote him back..and he never responded. At the end of the 2 weeks after getting back to Afghanistan I sent him another email asking if he was ok. He wrote a one liner that said yes he was back and the weather has cooled off. Period.
and that was now, weeks ago. The email didnt end with the usual love and miss you, etc....nothing.
Its been almost a month. And i know for a FACT that the computers there havent been in a blackout for that long through email updates from his chain of command.
So..why wouldnt I think he bailed?? No phone calls or contact really while on vacation..and not even now that he is back. What should I think??
Obviously, I wasnt worth a 5minute phone call during the weeks of vacation time.
Im NOT a high maintenance girl. I dont ask for or expect much. Even if he were in an emotional state of struggling... all he had to do was say... hey..im struggling right now, I need some time. I can respect that. But blatant break down in communication...thats something different.