Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I would like to preface this post with a disclaimer that I truly realize not all men are the same and fit this stereotype. I apologize to anyone it may offend. I am asking for other perspectives and want to hear if you feel my point of view is skewed on this.
Question: I have many friends and my own sister that have gone through rough breakups/divorces. One thing I have observed is that the men tend to move on much faster into new relationships. I don't really understand that. I do understand this is not entirely the norm for everyone. What I am getting at is that these type of men rush into new relationships quickly, also seem to be the same men that aren't happy in relationships to begin with. I mean, why rush into another one if you didn't want the responsibility of caring for the other person you were with. If you couldn't be bothered with that relationship, why pursue another so quickly. It just feels like (in my case) as soon as I start to let go and reel myself back from calling/texting or trying to salvage this marriage, immediately my husband is off to the bars...almost trolling for his next wife. Paranoid and hurt. Yes, probably. But it just seems odd to me. Why put yourself out there so fast when you are just getting out of another relationship? My head is such a mess I cannot even imagine going to hang out with strangers at a bar and ham it up, meeting new folks, and enjoying my freedoms without a worry in the world.
All feedback is welcome. And again, for those good people out there that read this and think...that's not fair...I apologize. It's just my observation and experiences that I am drawing this question from. Just chalk this up to more of why I am discouraged and frustrated that I have invested so much into my husband and relationship, if I am that replaceable, easy to discard, and not worth the time, it seems. I'm just sad. I removed the Life360 app from my phone, because I honestly don't have the heart to know where and what he is doing. But one thing is for sure...he is at a bar somewhere...being his jovial, social, good-times-only self.... as I sit at home typing this.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
i type this i'm at home waiting for my teenager to come home
i'm the parent that didn't burn the nest down unlike momma bird
So is it a "personality type" that can, maybe?
me
i was married to a female turd
and when i come across posts like yours, well it frosts me, because my experience is different than yours
and I am a man, not a piece of shit phony like your husband
and I am genuine, not a piece of shit phony like the woman to whom i was formerly married to
it isn't gender, i think it is comes down to who was all in and who wasn't
if someone can cheat, they weren't all in
easy to move on from something "you" were never 100%
hard, hard, hard when "you" were 100% all in
your husband & my ex, weren't all in
1. He IS hurting. But, guys get lonely, don't want to wallow in their pain (yes, they do feel pain when things are breaking up), so they go out with the guys, bars, maybe talk to a girl here and there, trying to ease their pain. They miss the parts about having a girl around, and go out thinking they can find that part that they miss, even if it's temporary. Girls are more inclined to want to be alone, cry, be sad, talk to friends about their hurt. We can't even think about going out and finding a new guy, and certainly not right away!
2. Sometimes the guy has been mentally "checked out" of the relationship for months or even years, long before his girl had any idea he was so unhappy and not as invested in the relationship as she was, and therefore he is that much further along in his grieving and getting-over-it process. Whereas, it is all new for the unsuspecting girl, who had no idea he might have been thinking about wanting out.
3. It's hard to accept that guys and girls are just... different. Even in the animal kingdom. There are hardly any animals that mate for life. It is just part of nature.
i think you should keep on keeping on and continue to raise them to be genuine & hopefully they'll pair up with the same
as for your H, i think he knew all along and that it came down to something not being "fun" anymore is his mind, so...
he could of not done so, but only because of circumstance
look at him & see the mask he used to wear, it is not that he's replaced you, he's just changed his mask, you'll be much better of in the long run, you'll come to see that the mask was better than what it concealed
I really understand how you feel. My girlfriend broke up with me 4 years ago now. I can't explain... I can't rationalize it... But I still think of her every day. I know she has moved on. She was seeing someone not even a month after I left the house. It makes me very sad, mad, frustrated that I can't get to the place she is, which is to move on! Things just haven't been right with me since then. I feel like I am in quicksand. Before the break up, if I felt things weren't going my way, I would just "work" harder or put more effort into something and I felt and saw changes for the best. For the past 4 years, I just feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into this hole that I can't get out of. I try and look happy... But it's all fake. I seem to be fooling most people but inside I am just sad all the time. I wish I could do what she did, just forget about me and move on.
I am sorry for writing all this. I just haven't been able to talk about this in any shape or form to anyone for the past 3 years and when I saw your question OvercomingFear, it just hit home hard...
You original question is a good one. The only thing I can think of as an answer is that, for some reason, they checked out of the relationship at some point and never had the guts to tell us... But just went on with thier life preparing their exit strategy... Which was what happened to me.