Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I would like to preface this post with a disclaimer that I truly realize not all men are the same and fit this stereotype. I apologize to anyone it may offend. I am asking for other perspectives and want to hear if you feel my point of view is skewed on this.
Question: I have many friends and my own sister that have gone through rough breakups/divorces. One thing I have observed is that the men tend to move on much faster into new relationships. I don't really understand that. I do understand this is not entirely the norm for everyone. What I am getting at is that these type of men rush into new relationships quickly, also seem to be the same men that aren't happy in relationships to begin with. I mean, why rush into another one if you didn't want the responsibility of caring for the other person you were with. If you couldn't be bothered with that relationship, why pursue another so quickly. It just feels like (in my case) as soon as I start to let go and reel myself back from calling/texting or trying to salvage this marriage, immediately my husband is off to the bars...almost trolling for his next wife. Paranoid and hurt. Yes, probably. But it just seems odd to me. Why put yourself out there so fast when you are just getting out of another relationship? My head is such a mess I cannot even imagine going to hang out with strangers at a bar and ham it up, meeting new folks, and enjoying my freedoms without a worry in the world.
All feedback is welcome. And again, for those good people out there that read this and think...that's not fair...I apologize. It's just my observation and experiences that I am drawing this question from. Just chalk this up to more of why I am discouraged and frustrated that I have invested so much into my husband and relationship, if I am that replaceable, easy to discard, and not worth the time, it seems. I'm just sad. I removed the Life360 app from my phone, because I honestly don't have the heart to know where and what he is doing. But one thing is for sure...he is at a bar somewhere...being his jovial, social, good-times-only self.... as I sit at home typing this.
This is especially true in dating situations. The guy sees that the relationship just isn't working, breaks things off and moves on the find someone with whom things do work. Maybe men are more pragmatic.
Women seem to idealize a man or a relationship and when things don't work -
because some things aren't meant to be - they redouble their efforts to make it work. Which only serves to reinforce the guys notion that the relationship just isn't the one for him.
While men are planning an exit strategy, women are doubling-down on happily ever after.
ETA: After reading sad4tolong's response, I'm going to amend my opinion to say that with such relationships, one party (male or female) overlooks the writing on the wall or the red flags, blindly clinging to their idea of "relationship", ever trying to analyze and figure out what THEY should do to make it work. It is my FIRM belief that relationships shouldn't be so difficult or require so much effort to be successful. And if a relationship requires so much stress, drama and effort to "fix", the relationship is defective from the get-go.
You should really really really consider leaving.
You should put your conscience to bed. You've more than honored your vows
you gotta do what keeps you healthiest and pulled together to be their level headed mom, there is nothing selfish in that