Have you applied for benefits or look into that? I left while in school very hard. But my kids were older too. But best thing is find resources and utilize them. Also can any family help?

Hi mom,

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I found this link and I hope that you may further obtain positive choices. Serenity has a good point about using family & finding other resources to help you. That is what this group is for, helping you with tips & useful support. Here is the link:

https://www.thespruce.com/assistance-for-single-moms-4123660

Much love & tender hugs to you. I imagine how scary things are for you, especially considering that you have very young children to plan for. Bless each of you!

Remiah <3

My heart goes out to you and breaks for you at the same time. Here's a list of resources that I found helpful when I was in a similar situation. Two titles on the list popped out at me for you, one was about making a safety plan and another was about dealing with domestic violence and abuse. What I do know is that you will escape, and that you are doing the most courageous thing for you and your children. Keeping you and your littles in my prayers.

https://list.ly/list/1ezh-finding-your-voice-and-healing-from-abuse

He will have to financially help support the children, which sometimes is easier said than done. In my state, the Probation Department handles payment/non-payment of alimony and child support. Moms are also encouraged to complete their degree so that they can do just as you plan, get a good paying job. Have you considered working in a daycare facility until your kids are in regular school full time? You might be able to have them enrolled for free, and you could attend weekend/night classes. I wish you all the strength in the world for finding safety & happiness for yourself and your children.

Thank you so much for your advice and support. I created this timeline today after thinking some more. Thoughts?

1. Catch up on dr visits including my wisdom teeth removal and fixing cycle issues
2. Wean from breastfeeding and potty train
3. Find a preschool job
-full time
-minimum of $2.6 per hour profit
-lots of outside time
4. Divorce
5. Apply for financial aid, wic, chip, etc
6. Find an apt or house to rent
7. Keep working at preschool until all kids start school (fall 2021)
8. Go to school full time while kids are in school
9. Get my dream job

Great job! I'd also add that now is the time to get a hold of all financial papers - wills, bank statements, credit card statements, tax records (3 years back), deeds, mortgage statements, life insurance policies, annuities, car titles or loans, auto insurance stuff, etc etc. Copies of his pay stubs too. Make copies of everything and keep in a safe place, even if that means outside of the house. Password protect your computer, without being obvious about it but if you can't do this without raising suspicion, clear your browser history and make sure to sign out of apps manually otherwise going back to browser history pages can bring him right smack dab into places like THIS page. Phone too. If you're reaching out for help from an abuser, you don't want to tip him off.


You can also use this time to make a budget - in the divorce you'll have to write up a list of your current family income and bills so that support payments can be calculated. I hope you're the one handling the family finances, that way you're already aware of much of this stuff. You can google CIS - case information statement - this is the (horrendous IMO) worksheet many courts use to detail a family's finances. You have to fill this or something very similar out eventually.

He doesn't know of your intentions, I hope?

I just looked at your profile and you're 25? This is so much to handle at such a young age. I'm not sure how to put this delicately, but as you've said your husband has sexually abused you, so make sure you are on birth control. The last thing you need is a pregnancy to keep you tied to him. Hugs.

Thank you so much. Yes, 25, yes, it’s so overwhelming. Yes, he was doing things to me in my sleep. I’m safe now though because I’m in a different bedroom at night with door alarm installed. He’s also had a vacsectomy so pregnancy is not a concern unless I were to get raped by someone else. He is locked out of my phone, email, fb, and my phone is all I use for stuff like this.

I’ve told him I want to separate but he’s determined to win me back and doesn’t know I’m doing so much planning and researching.

He does mainly handle the finances unfortunately but I do have a list of income and bills and I’m working on gathering more info.

Sorry to hear and there is no way to make it easier. You have 4 kids and no income of your own. Where do you plane to live with your kids? Who is going to support you while you are in school?
If your husband is a rich man, you can file for divorce, alimony and child support.
If your husband is so manipulative and abusive how did you end up having 4 kids?