First, take a breath, you are a good person. Your husband has a Mental Condition, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a Mental Illness. Its not an excuse but it is what it is, and its something for him to own, you don't owe anyone any excuses.

2nd as someone who's bee divorced only 6 or so years now and had an 11 yr old in a home with a step mom that was the total opposite of everything good, moral and right that I ever taught my son, I learned that looking at my Ex's facebook page could drive me insane. I am not one who believes in living my life on Facebook, never have and never will. I encourage you to stay away from your Ex's Social Media. You guys are done, you don't need to know what he's doing all the time anymore, just live your life with your kids.

Housing, there is no shame in going to Social Services and applying for Housing assistance or SNAP (food assistance) so that you can take care of your kids while your trying to get on your feet and work up to a higher paying job. You may only need it for a while, and that's what its for, people who use it only while they need it and don't abuse it.

Lastly, your a good person and a good mom but you've got a lot of anger and frustration inside, who wouldn't? It would probably serve you very well to see a Counselor or Therapist, even if its just once a month. Also remember, talking about your Ex or grown up things in front of your children serves no good purpose except to screw up your children and guarantee them a life of Therapy down the line. You and your ex need to figure out your Divorce outside of their presence. If you can do it amicably you can file it yourself at the Courthouse, you just download the forms from the Internet or pick them up at any Staples or Office Depot. If there are contentious items like Child Support or Visitation, Mediation is always a good alternative to Court.

I hope that your able to let some of this past misery go, it wasn't in any way your fault, your responsibility or your failure, hanging on to that baggage will do nothing for you except make you unhappy.

Take care and I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
Kat

Thanks for your reply.

My relatives are 123 miles away and they sided with my ex so they disowned me when the divorce came through. My daughter are pretty much on our own except for a small few that are trying to help us now.

Awww the start can always be rough. Take it one day at a time and yes apply for benefits to help u get on your feet. I struggle with 3 on a ok salary but know how it is.

Status, what status? Please don't worry about what he is doing, because YOU won the lottery when he left, because NPD cannot be cured! WHY? Because they will never admit they have it, so not many are diagnosed. Stay the H away. Most places have attorneys who practice free for low income...call the courthouse, look in the phonebook yellow pages for " social services". Get back in school....things like LPN and Surgical tech programs are one year! Then you can make it by yourself, meet quality friends, and leave the past behind. DO NOT RECONCILE. If you have researched NPD ( look up Joe Navarro articles) you will see why.

I agree with Joconna. Even though I am still yearning to reconcile with my Borderline Personalty wife. We have two kids, ages 8 and 10 who live with her about 10 minutes away. It's my insecurity or codependence that makes me want to go back. And I miss being with my children 24/7. The whole thing is just hard.....

People with no responsibility, will continue to have no responsibility. Thus yeah, he'll be "single" as soon as he wants a date. Forget him.

There really IS a better life out there.

You've survived 9 years of this, you can get through to the divorce and get back on your feet.

Big Supportive Hugs, Patti

I actually spent nine months with a group of people being "treated" for personality disorder

I think the government were basically just observing how abusive and crazy they were so that they knew how to "manage" them for the rest of their lives as they were probably going to be in mental health care forever

I've never been so badly treated in my entire life

Every day first thing the tirade of anger and scathing attacks would start v then the rest of the day spent with people coping with their pain from those attacks with self harm and suicidal distress

It made no sense to me how they expected as a group to recover by attacking each other and not supporting each other....

But um.... That was their treatment???

Gosh dunno...

I mean it's the nhs specialist treatment centre surely they know the wisdom ???

(Doubt it)

Classic examples was a girl sharing her suicidal distress and the others responding that she should kill herself now

A boy telling a nurse that he was going to smash her in the face with a bag of coins and when confronted by staff they were bad for making him feel suicidal and all his pd friends said how lovely he was and respectful of women

:\

Needless to say

Difficult people to love without being hurt by

I know its crazy! He has so remorse or feelings about how he treated us. He only got happy when putting us down. I am very thankful I was able to get away when we did. I'm not sure I would've survived too much longer there. Who knows what would've happened to my daughter. I'm glad we both got out strong and alive.