People can love each other but they can also be unhappy together.
I m so sorry that your are divorced. It is so hard to begin a new life, but you will gain your ground again. Hugs

I have just started the road and I totally know how you feel. I have read plenty of posts on here in the last couple of weeks from people that have been through the whole process and they are happier now than they have ever been. We are going to survive this. One day at a time. Hugs to you!!

I'm divorced 2 months now, told him I wanted a divorce over 2 years ago. Before the (long drawn out frustrating) divorce was over, somehow I got over the self-pity I had, the regret of having wasted more than half my life with someone who was never really there for the marriage (met him at 21, divorced at 55). I'm not sure how I was able to let that go, but I did. I'm able to look forward much more easily. But I see that he's still stuck, lamenting the past, all the "wrongs" I did to him, how I ruined his life, etc, etc. He's a person who is not able to accept any personal responsibility for his actions, while I always do. Part of our problem in the marriage was that I was taking on his personal responsibility, enabling him to live without consequences. My bad. I hope you can realize that you are your first priority, and can treat yourself as well as, or better, than you treat others. It's a long process, for sure, but everyday you can move a little closer to well-being.

Sad to be where you currrently are
If you add in my partner cheating with on of my kids instructors ...
That's pretty much my story

You give 2 and half decades of your life
And they just take and then take off

It is crushing, you'll go through hell

Remember the operative word is through

You'll get through and o the other side you won't be stuck with a taker creep that you were married to

The sun does shine on the other side and you'll be able to feel it

I am at the two month mark literally one fight day before I love you then fight dont talk for 4 days and then I want a separation with out reconciling. moving out signing divorce paperwork. And then the loss of it all it can be overwhelming at times specially with her moving on at the time of announcing she wanted a divorce and that 8 of the 10 years she was miserable.

I was the same way. I found a group here called "divorce after 20 years" they have been great in helping me. I can relate to the same issue after being together for so long vs relations that have only been together 2 or more years. Breakups are tough. So much involved when you're together so long.

I am currently separated for about a month. we have 14 years together (10 dating and 4 married) and after marriage and a child he now realizes that he might not be able to handle the expectations of the married life. He is literally my first real and serious relationship (i was 18 at the time he 19) and no matter all of the f-up stuff he to me i never retaliated in the same matter. he now claims he is unhappy with the constant fighting mind you its pretty much based of his behavior. Our son is 3 1/2 and he misses his father terribly. Everyday i feel a different emotion. Today i literally feel that my heart is breaking in my chest and i want to rip it out as to not feel the pain anymore. I think that it best to take it one day at time. try to talk or write down what you are feeling to try and purge it out. it definitely is going to take time and i think the major thing is PATIENCE. I tell myself that all these feelings are temporary they will stop at one point. these feelings aren't permanent even though the situation is.

last night was terrible! I am in so much pain, I seriously considered suicide to stop the pain and rejection and feelings of no self worth. However, I reached out to a crisis hotline and made it through the night. Everyone keeps saying you'll get through it and be better but what if I don;t want to get through it? What if I want my husband back and never wanted the divorce in the first place? I just want to wake up without a feeling of dread and knowing I have to plaster this smile on my face until I can come home again and lay in my bed and cry the rest of the night.

@camp, Glad you reached out for help and support
and called the hotline. Get on meds If you need to,
thats serious to feel that way and if you can not get
out Of bed and do what you have to do like work or
take Care of the children.

I don't take any meds they just numb you up and This
is something you need to walk thru to Get to the other
side. There are lots of uncomfortable feelings and
Emotions and endless grief. Its the death of a marriage
And of your dreams.

Www.divorcecare.org and therapy do help A lot with
the grieving and support. Keep Posting on here it helps
to vent. I would sometimes feel Like i was crawling out
of my own skin with anxiety, stress, overwhelm and
overload. The divorce will be something to get thru and
To Survive. Try to stay as mature as possible.

It does get better after the divorce is final. Its Legally over
and the decisions have been made on how things will go
Legally and financially.

Be kind and gentle with yourself, this is a long hard road and
Journey with All the rejection, pain and hurt. The betrayal Is
something that will take a long time to just move thru.

When newly separated the rejection is your go to emotion
And it hits you upon waking. Eventually it wanes as you Face
it and cope with it. The first 4 months were pretty Brutal.

What i did with the rejection was redirect it whenever Possible.
Knowing that it was coming then redirect it with something else
eventually it stopped being my first go to emotion i felt. HUGS

There is a book called Second Firsts...she has a web site and a Facbook page. I found it helpful. You will be and are just fine...more than you know.

I am so very sorry you are going through this. I have been divorced twice and am on my third marriage, it is not an easy thing to go through, but you will get through it in time and be back on top., Don't let your circumstances dictate your happiness, you will be ok. Good luck!

I have been there but now I am on the other side. My relationship with God is how I got there. God loves us so much and is always available to help us with all of our struggles. He took me on a road of healing that allowed me to do some introspection which led to forgiveness. Now I am ready to move forward. My prayers are with you.

" I just dont understand how someone can go from telling you they love you to just acting like you dont exist in a matter of days." Because a lie perhaps?

For as long as you love him your pain will persist for as long as too, sad but, true. Personally I loved for 13 miserable years and, grieved for seven miserable years more. She is now a figment of my imagination and, without her in my life I have never been happier, something I have no doubt you also have to look forward too, I suggest you make it your next goal in life then, yes?

This week has been horrible and right now I just want to drive my car into a tree and be done with it! I don't appreciate the games he is playing but do not know how to stop being a part of it. I have lost half of myself, half my family; my kids even live with him (they are adults) so its difficult to even see my kids. That tree is looking pretty inviting right now

I wake up this morning to a text message from a 'friend' that says "I see all your posts on FB that are so negative. Do you really think they are helping you heal? I'm just asking as I don't think they would me. I hope you don't get upset because I don't respond to them but I also think you know I never will. I love you and an here for you but don't like those kind of posts that seem to be asking for responses".....WTF was that all about!!! I have no idea what she is talking about but I did delete my FB and also blocked her on my phone. I don't need friends like that. Just broke my heart more than it was. I'm sorry but not everyone has the perfect marriage and the perfect life.