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Need opinions

ElizaSc
ElizaSc

Should a spouse who has had an affair in the past have friends of the opposite sex?  This friendship includes outings in group settings without the other spouse.  Should this spouse also be able to call or text this friend?



Does a past affair cause such behavior to be unacceptable?

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
That is a hard question. Do you trust them enough to let it happen. Have you both moved on from the past. Hugs.
lb7268
lb7268
No. No. Yes.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Depends on a lot of things. Would you care to share more details?

How long ago was the affair? Who was it with (one of these group of friends?) How has the relationship been since the end of the affair? Do you have friends of the opposite sex?

No two situations are the same. More info would be helpful.
defdean343
defdean343
I think it greatly depends on the individual that has cheated to make their partner comfortable and feel loved and secure.

But no, I don’t think it is appropriate to build new friendships with single available females. That’s still kind of hedging
Penguins1984
Penguins1984
My advice would be to get out of the situation. I have forgiven after betrayal 3 times. Someone who doesn't respect you doesn't deserve you.
ElizaSc
ElizaSc
Affair was 6 years ago with a coworker. Affair was discovered by seeing text messages between the two. He ended the A and we went to therapy. Told my husband that I would stay but he couldn't have female friendships unless I was always present and part of the group. I do not have friendships with men unless their gay.
Newest friendship involves texting that I can't see. He says they are never alone together but in a group doing outdoor activities with kids around. I am not part of these activities.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Why can't you be part of this, especially if it involves your kids? Does this woman have her kids in this outdoor activity?

Go along one time. Ask to be introduced to this new "friend".

You should be able to see all of his text messages, should you want to. You are his wife. He can't keep some girl's text messages secret from you. Especially after he had an affair. What is he hiding? You need to find out.
ElizaSc
ElizaSc
Girl in Calif- I have been on a few of the outings but the majority of them I can't participate in because I do not have the physical stamina they do. For example I can do a 10 mile hike but not a 20. He refuses to show me texts because he says he has a right as an adult to privacy.
I called a lawyer. I think he is gaslighting.
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