Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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My ex wants me back again!

radrm
radrm
I feel so much anxiety. He text me at work yesterday saying "I still love you" this is not unusual because he does it every time. Usually he is the one who packs his bags when I don't agree with him. His way or the highway is what I call it now. So my plan was to get him to get all of his stuff out so I can stop all contact and he has no reason to contact me. I think he leaves stuff here to make sure he can contact me. I don't think it I know it. Now he had taken my bbq to work in January saying he would get me a new one. So yesterday he brought me a grill because my son text him saying we should be bbq-ing on the 4th of July! My son said hell no he is getting us a bbq!! So he showed up with the bbq last evening and I was talking to a couple friends who decided to leave because he got there. Then he talked about if we could work things out and he knows he loves me and I am the one who messed it up this time because I should have let him give me the silent treatment all day and let him come home drunk and flop in my bed? Why should I??? He is at that thing all day with his X wife and when he left he is staying at her house (he says they don't even talk but she went to Mexico for a vacation and I found out he drove her 100 miles to the airport). ... but they don't interact from what he tells me. I picture them kissing as she grabs her suitcases to leave, I'm sure there was a kiss and hug are you???? Then today he goes from we can work it out to he will get his own place and we will see what happens because his daughter is upset. his daughter doesn't care about anything but her ipod and having wi fi....... yet he is going to see if i should drive her to school in the morning. (she has summer school and he works nights in LA and cant be here in time to take her). I don't mind taking her but if she is so upset like he says then why would she want me to? Her and I always got along fine...of course she sides with Dad and thinks he does no wrong I don't expect anything else from her... or my son for that matter..He is thinking we can wait 4 years and then be together (that is when his daughter finishes high school. I think I may not sit here 4 years waiting for that slight possibility!! I'm just thinking what the hell? He is trying to put guilt on me..... I am going to go bbq my son and I dinner and set off some illegal fireworks after dark and put him to the side....maybe its time to give him the silent treatment! I think so!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
WOW. It seems like the only question here is the one about his ex-wife, and while I don't *know* whether they're doing anything any more than you do, I'd definitely say it's inappropriate behavior. BUT that also depends on what boundaries you two have set concerning the relationship with his ex, and if you guys are married or in a committed relationship then a conversation about the ex is in order.

As far as the comment about waiting for years until the daughter is out of school and then maybe you guys can be together: RUN FOR THE HILLS!! Red Flag. This sounds like a guy that's stringing you along, IMO.

Of course I don't know any of this, bc I don't know him. But based on what you're saying, that's my two cents. I wish you the best! Happy 4th!
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
Your allowing this contact... If it were me I would give him a date to get his crap then throw it out and I would not be taking his daughter to school or even listening to him at this point. Your making yourself miserable by allowing this to go on and on. He isn't going to change those silent treatments or just picking up and leaving,,,,, I would not want that for my child its not stable or a good role model for him to see.
radrm
radrm
In counseling a year ago we set the boundary's about him staying with his ex wife and the counselor even agreed no woman is going to do that! But here he is again living with her, taking her to the airport, etc.. when I first dated him she relied on him for rides daily to the store and pick her up at the mall all of a sudden calls for a ride like he is a taxi service. She has lived here since she was 12 and never learned English, never learned to drive, and relies on everyone else to take care of her using the kids as an excuse. She used to come to his house and tell him (in spanish) Tell her to leave I don't want her here when I"m here! He never told her to leave which is what I think he should have done because of how she behaved towards me. He says its different now because now he loves me back then cared about me but didn't love me. How is that supposed to make me feel? They are cousins too which is why I was upset when he took me and there she was getting out of their daughters car when I told him all week before that I do not want to go if she will be there. There have been crazy drama yelling fights because one time my son and I went to his house when she was there (my son said we should so I can see he doesn't care about me) so we went in as we would if she wasn't there all the time and her and their grown daughter were screaming at me and him and you know what he did? He broke up with me because I caused the drama by coming over. ????? His grown daughter told my son she is sorry that he has a F'ed up mother! My son hate her since and says she is not allowed at our house ever. Now she is a mother of two and her son has so many problems he was supposed to start school last year but she was too busy to take him and pick him up so she waited another year. Her son is five and cusses at her saying F you ,, I hate you. Her husband left and doesn't want anything to do with her now. That is why I say be careful how you treat people because God will dish out yours. My son is smart, doing well in school, and has a very good head on his shoulders. I love her kids they are my ex's grandsons. its all crazy
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