I am a 42 yr old mother of 5. I have been married to the same man for 23 yrs. Nothing is right in my world It has ben a miserable marriage for most of the time. I have swallowed my self worth, dignity and pride for most of it. I did such a great job hiding my sadness and disappointment that my children didnt know anything was wrong. Now 23 yrs into the marriage the reality of a girlfriend for my husband has rocked our worlds. The man that I have given my whole life to has disrespected me in the worst possible way. After much soul searching I have decided to divorce him. He believes because he has found the lord that I must forgive and stay with him. I already forgive him, but I dont think forgiving should have to mean staying together. I dont agree with him and am moving forward with the divorce. He is having such a horrible time coming to terms with this. He has managed to turn all five of my children against me. He speaks like a slimy snack filling their heads with lies and exaggerations, of course always to make me look bad. He always paints himself as the hero, the one who found the lord and has changed, he deserves to be treated so much better then this, ohh poor him. I have not treated him badly, I have simply demanded my own private space and independence and some form of respect about my decisions. I am doing everything I can to try to rebuild my life, not his but mine. My future does not have him in it and he just cant handle it. In my attempt to start a new life I started dating. I wanted something in my days that I could enjoy, look forward to and that would help me keep focused on my new future. I found someone who I really enjoyed talking to and spending time with. He of course was someone who filled all the gaps that were missing, attention, respect, appreciation, acceptance. He respected my thoughts, laughed at my corny humor, and always had time for me. My daily life is filled with misery and sadness. Constantly being yelled at to my face and through texts to my phone. I have been told by my own children to rot in hell for what I have done to their dad. No one cared how distraught I was when his girlfriend was revealed. No one cares about the sadness in my heart. I dont understand this, these are my children and they dont want me or care about me in any way. Because I have decided to stand my ground about the divorce, my future and demanding respect from my children now they are screaming that they want the courts to order me on meds and therapy. I have never stood up for myself before so now that I am I must be nuts. I dont have a problem with seeing a therapist. I get to go to the one that they choose, not someone of my choice. This doesnt seem right to me. They go to their appointments first and prep the therapist for their crazy mom who is coming in next. This just doesnt seem appropriate to me. All of these troubles started last July so it has been 6 months of absolute hell. I am fighting for my kids, my home, alimony and child support. All of the kids have said that they will not stay with me, so I wonder what really am I fighting for. Because I have demanded respect from a man who disrespected me, because I am demanding a future on my terms and not his, because I want a future that I might enjoy and not despise, because I have chosen self respect, dignity and honor I will lose my children. If I swallow my pride and give into my husbands demands of meds and his therapists. If I accept the other womans existence and a future on his terms and conditions. Then I am a horrible example to my children of how to be treated and how to treat others. If I continue to stand up for my future happiness, and myself I get to lose my children. Either way because of all of this ugliness our relationships will forever be changed and forever be damaged. Im damned if I do and damned if I dont. I hate the fact I feel like Im pushed in a corner. Once again my thoughts, opinions and pain dont mean anything to anyone.