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More Disgusting Actions from Wife

tailspin916
tailspin916
My oldest step-daughter (17 years old) was helping my biological daughter and me move this weekend. She clearly acted and looked upset. I asked what was wrong and she said, "My mom and (name of loser baby daddy) are gross, they are telling people that they just met that they're married." I said that's ok, they can be whatever they want to be, I really shouldn't care anymore. Maybe when our divorce is final, they might actually get married and be a 'real' family to (name of youngest step-daughter)," who is loser BF's biological daughter.
She then replied, "But my mom is wearing the wedding ring she wore when YOU guys were married!"
I was taken aback but not entirely surprised. That loser either can't afford to buy her a ring or just figured "Why spend money on a ring when she's already got a nice one?"
Oh well, my wife's disgusting behavior continues...

For those confused about biological vs. step-daughters, quick summary:
She has 3 daughters from 2 different men. 1 is the father of 2, who she was married to and the other is just a baby daddy, who she never married because she said he was a loser, didn't have a job, smoked and sold weed and at 35, still lived with his parents. Fast forward to today, he's still the same way, but now he's 44 (still living with parents).
As for me, I have 1 biological daughter (16 years old) from a previous marriage.
steppingovertheedge
steppingovertheedge
Wow. It's got to be easier to let them go when they act like that! Focus on how awful she is. It also probably helps that the guy she's with is such a pathetic loser. It's not like she traded up!

Be strong.
mynewnormal
mynewnormal
ugh!.. thats deplorable.. tarnishing your wedding ring with someone else's name??.. just sickens me..

obviously stbx isn't thinking of ANYONE but herself.. and your daughters are feeling this too.. I'm so sorry your having to pick up these pieces for her.. stay focused on moving forward, and keep any and all conversations as minimal as you can.. it sounds like if you haven't already, a good lawyer is probably a good idea.. she's not thinking clearly.. and your best interests are NOT in her plans..

stand strong.. and find support in your girls, sounds like they need you as much as you need them right now..
sja
sja
Wow. Just WOW. I have no idea what to say.

Stay strong. You will get through this and come out on the other side a better person than her. Thank the lord above the trash took herself out of your life. You deserve better.
Missy73
Missy73
Your stepdaughter is right. They are gross. It's unrealistic to expect class from a liar and a cheat. Though this has been a painful ordeal, consider yourself lucky to be rid of someone so lacking in character.
tailspin916
tailspin916
Yes, I agree I need to thank my lucky stars she's out of my life, but it still bothers me A LOT. Shes become a whole different person. It just doesn't seem like the same woman I've been married to all these years. Perhaps this is the "real" her and the whole time we were married she was pretending to be someone else. Now, I wonder if they've been banging each other the whole time she and I were married??? This is just not right.
steppingovertheedge
steppingovertheedge
Tailspin wrote:
"Perhaps this is the "real" her and the whole time we were married she was pretending to be someone else."

Oh man, I ask myself the same question every day. There are no good answers. The way I think about it, there are two possibilities:
1) She was like this all along, and hiding it, or
2) She had the *potential* to be like this, and when things got difficult she bailed on the "good person" effort and fulfilled her nasty potential

I suppose a third possibility is that she just went batshit crazy. But that kind of folds into option 2 above.

As with so much of this stuff, it seems that the truth - the reality - doesn't really matter. It's probably unknowable to us, and it won't make a difference either way.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
I am sure it does bother you...however she deserves him so she can support him! You commited yourself to her and her kids. I am happy to see how you still are so awesome with them:) She doesn't seem to appreciate you at all. Even if she didn't want to stay married she can still be respectful. But for some that's too much.
milliejay
milliejay
Interesting story - all these kids and daddys. Well, we choose the people we get involved with - so I am not sure we can later say their actions are disgusting. Sounds like she had all these kids before you came into the pix? and had a weed head EX BF? So I am not sure I follow the point of your story. At some point you thought she was all that I am sure.

My recommendation to most - is - live and let live. If this is your ex and you are divorcing soon? - That's great b/c she's disgusting and I am sure you are an upstanding citizen. Best wishes to you.
tailspin916
tailspin916
Yeah, I must embarrassingly admit there were red flags that I chose to ignore. We were introduced to each other by a mutual friend at a get together, not to be in a relationship, but to be friends with daughters about the same age. Our relationship started out with the intention of just being friends and scheduling play dates for our daughters. During these play dates we shared horror stories of previous relationships and mistakes that were made along the way. It just progressed from there.
She never claimed responsibility for the ending of her previous relationships, stating her first ex-husband was an angry, verbally abusive individual and the other baby daddy as a person who lied to her about who he was and did for a living. Now I see that maybe she's the problem of the previous relationships and I wonder if she's telling other people that our marriage ended because of me... She's obviously a liar and probably capable of spreading lies about me to protect her reputation.
Sick thing is, she went back to the man she claimed to be a loser, a liar and a pothead/pot dealer. They deserve each other, I just feel bad for my youngest step-daughter for having them as parents.
milliejay
milliejay
A relationship is of two people - both imperfect. If it makes it or fails, both participate. Who cares what she tells others - if you know it's not true, why even sweat it. Just move on with your life and don't ignore red flags next time around - no one is pefect though, we all have our demonds, some just cover it up better. Best wishes.
LostNFound3
LostNFound3
As much as it hurts you, you will get through it. The harder part is how it affects the children. At least the your step-daughter knows what her mom is doing is wrong. The best you can do is continue to be an island of stability and kindness for all the kids. I know just when you think you are detached, stuff like this comes up and it hurts like hell, and is much easier said than done to be stable and clam and detached. Sending best wished and prayers to you that you may be protected, have the strength you need and continue to get through this.
TiredLittleTanager
TiredLittleTanager
its like... i want to laugh... because its just so fucking absurd and pathetic and ... fucking crazy

but it hurts

it hurts to know you have to deal with that, that her kids have to deal with that... 'cause that kind of crazy doesn't stay in a box
cynthiacooley
cynthiacooley
I can understand how difficult it is for you to deal with all this stressful issues with your daughter's only support. I would say you are strong women and definitely deserves someone better so don't lose your faith and still if you need some counselling or help over this family issues take help of professional experts, for more information check this out http://www.pbclegal.com/family-law/ .
charliegirl29
charliegirl29
It just sounds really odd she didnt take her ring off but thats just me. People do really odd things to compensate for their own decisions sometimes. But i know if if the ring had no value to me it wouldn't be on my damn finger. I have watched people go through divorce and hating each other to going back and being best of friends. Once anger subsides some people all of a sudden have a different tune. But it just sounds to me like she is trying to "make her relationship look good to the public eye". One of those things people do when they want to hide the fact of how their relationship started in the first place. Hugs to you
kristinch1
kristinch1
I'd ask for it back. Say you promised it to Step daughter 17
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