Money.

When did it first start going bad?

Do you remember back when you were dating? What did you do that was fun together? Do the two of you ever have time when both of you are awake, not tired, or stressed, and to BE together?

From what you've said, you're working non-stop. I think it's pretty hard to love (or hate) someone that's never really around. Perhaps it's being alone that she hates?

And I can say from personal experience, that the HARDEST time by FAR to be alone....is when someone else is in the room.

Well then maybe your wife needs to vent her feelings of hatred too?

I dunno.

But Faithful is right, you both seem to be making the continued decision to "not decide", so whatever the pay off is, its worth more to either of you than not going crazy on the rollercoaster.

I remember she said she wanted you guys to work on the marriage, and her family had an intervention with you. Did the things you worked on then, all fall through, or was there any improvement, even a little bit?

There are solutions to money problems, but both people have to want it.

I think if someone says " I hate you " it is over. I believe at times people are like puppy dogs. No matter how much you push them away they keep coming back. There are so many reasons to love someone and so many reasons to hate someone.

With me it started because of lying, not being loyal, and not respecting me as a husband. I know we are not buddies but take it from someone who has been through it. If she is acting like this she is doing it to get you mad to leave. If she did sleep with someone else it really is done.

JMO

Oh G I wish it were that simple...you are very black and white...too bad the rest of the world is grey.

I don't know if this belongs here but I feel the need to say it.

I had a friend tell me once that she believed that you cannot hate someone that you don't love. Meaning, love and hate are similar in that the person directed towards has a hold on you. Regardless whether it is good or bad.

She told me that the moment you become indifferent about that person is when you KNOW that the relationship is over.

I know for me personally that was very powerful and probably the moment I knew in my heart my marriage was over. Because I didn't hate him anymore, I just simply didnt and still today DO NOT CARE!!

Any of that make sense to you guys?

That makes perfect sense, whiskey...thanks for sharing it...

There is a fine line between love and hate. I loved my STBX intensely...I now hate him. Perhaps, in the future, when I forgive him for everything he has done, the hate will turn to indifference. HUGS

I'm very definitely angry with mine now--I don't know that I actually hate him yet, but probably will before it is all said and done. I hope I can get past the hate if/when it comes, though--I don't want to carry it.
Ugh.

Well I think I had to just stop. Loving and Hating him. It was tearing me up, mentally, emotionally and physically. There was no forgiveness or forgetting. I just reached a point that I had to decide I was going to save myself...from HIM!

I cannot allow myself to care anymore, it was too toxic for me.

Or maybe I'm just weak and took the easy out. Because I couldn't handle the pain anymore.

When it gets to that point Whiskey, I wonder about the impact on the kdis.

My ex had a childhood friend whose parents never divorced (old style Catholic), they just didn't live with each other for 40 years...since the boy was around 5. Well my ex's friend got married and his wife's child had a first communion. Both of his parents wanted to come, and his dad sat outside, his mom inside and they both made everyone else feel very uncomfortable.....

*like* #21

Don Henley wrote a great line in the song "Hole in the World" that the Eagles sat down and wrote the evening of 9-11-2001:

"They say that anger is just love disappointed."

I absolutely love my ex more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, yet there is seldom a day goes by that I dont curse her. I have never said anything bad to her, I just do it when I am alone. I think I am not truly cursing her, but what she has done, and how I have hurt over it. The term "crime of passion" comes to mind when I think of the connection between love and hate. I believe love and hate are two extremes that are nearer to each other and any other two extremes that I can think of.

I never hated my ex, I just was disappointed with him and his lack of trying to be a part of our lives. Even when he turned my daughter against me before and during the divorce, and after, I still can't hate him. He's still working on son, but he's still 50/50, while daughter moved away for college.

Once I filed, my ex never spoke to me, only through e-mails, and that hurt.

Everyone, including his mother, claimed he didn't want the divorce, but when you just go along, and never speak, what was I to think?

Rman ~ I'm sure she masks her feelings. Unless there is abuse, I can't see hating someone you loved. Take care.