Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Leave Me the hell alone!

HeaveToo
HeaveToo
I am sailing along and trying to manage the boat. It is blowing about 15 at the time and I am having to steer the boat because the wind is really shifty and I have to constantly watch my course.

The phone rings and I just can't let it ring. I always answer my phone. The stbx calls and asks what I am doing. Okay...I am off for a few days...the weather is nice...what the heck do you think that I am doing. I don't say this...I just tell her I am on the boat.

She replies and says that she needs to get some trash hauled off to the dump and askes if I can do it.

Okay...You left me...you got the house. It is your damn problem. I don't say this either. I bite my tounge and tell her that I am really busy and I don't know when I can do it (try never).

She then says....Well..I will have to borrow your truck sometime and take care of this.

In the back of my mind I am thinking....Yeah...and it will be a cold day in hell before that happens. I bite my tounge and say...I am really busy right now...I will have to talk with you later on.

How much longer to I have to keep myself from telling her to go to hell. I guess that I will wait until it is final. Holly crap! I am not your God Damn Friend...I am your friggin ex! Leave me alone!

Does anyone have problems like this?
HeaveToo
HeaveToo
Tact is keeping my wallet fat. If I end up having to hire a lawyer I will get a blood drink vampire of a lawyer that will make her wish that she was never born....but I don't want to pay the mone for that.

I will just bite my tounge and keep that evil voice silent until the day the court says okay.....then I will pull the Lee Ermey on her!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tell her she better get used to figuring out how to get these things done on her own. AND tell her to stop calling you about things like this. You're getting divorced. That means you're on you own sister.
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
I think we all say the same thing that we dont want to sya this or that cus of the repercussions of what they will do either personally to us or through the courts.

I have found though that the sooner you tell her to find her own way to get it done, in a nice way that is, the better you will feel regardless of her feelings about it.

You did good by just not saying anything and telling her you are busy, next you can practice on telling her, she will just have to find another way to get it done as you two are no longer together and it is no longer your responsibility.
HeaveToo
HeaveToo
I just realized how stupid I have been. If I had been smart I would have made her governor of one of the small islands around the Chesapeake Bay while she was still with me and going out on the boat and I would have to put up with her crap! Damnnation!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Heave, you have to let her know that she can no longer have the parts of you that she misses. She decided she did not want to be married to the whole man, she just wants parts of you! You are no longer responsible for her and you need to let her know in a gentle way that you cannot run to her aide everytime she needs something.

I understand about not wanting to pay an attorney,, but it will be easier on her and you if you just tell her that she cannot call on you to do everything for her.

I hope this helps! Stay safe out there!
HeaveToo
HeaveToo
Ah...crap on her....I will just keep on being busy and blowing her off. It may piss her off but it will make her have to fend for herself and not be able to count on me like she use to. Besides...she won't get what she wants and that will piss her off even more! Okay....I am a spiteful bastard if it means makeing her deal with shit on her own and not bothering me all of the time. I can keep on being busy and hold off until I don't have a Horse in the race and then tell her to leave me alone because she is the one who chose this path. I was always willing to put up with her crap and be the peace maker. Now I will be the hell raiser and make her wait for me...but I won't do it so she will be waiting for nothing! Tehehaha!!!!!!! That is so evil but turn about is fair play!
deleted_user
deleted_user
The first time I went sailing I was shocked at the silence. Just the sound of the wind and of the water. It was wonderful. If shes on your mind that much, and she wants you, maybe you should go home, or put a cork in that rum.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHdKuu9482A&feature=related
kate52
kate52
Just wondering Heaveto...you are toooo nice to be feeling the way she is making you feel. You have so much to offer someone who will appreciate it. Why dont you just send her a respectful email telling her you are no longer responsible for jobs around that house. Short and sweet. I do not see what she can do with a nice note..take it to a lawyer? That is if you don't want to see her again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Heave, Is it possible that when she calls that it can go to voice mail. Then if it is something important you can call her back. But if it's something that does not involve you and she needs to do it herself then call her after the fact. Also, I do agree with you od not go off on her yet because of the divorce and attornies involved. But once it's over you must do or say what you feel comforable with!
Good luck and stay strong.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Not to play devils advocate here, but this "so called junk" she needs hauled...is it her junk or your junk? I know when my stbx left, he also left behind a lot of junk for me to get rid of. If it is not your junk, I would certainly tell her to leave you alone. If it is your junk, I would offer to pay for a truck rental.
deleted_user
deleted_user
after a year and a half I think it she might have finally given up on using me for a safe place to land. I recently ask her all the questions about the subject. I think she knows its easier for her to find another smuck boy.
It sure was a long ride to this point though.
Hang in there, no contact is one thing I always had trouble with. For along time she couldn't go three days without calling...even when she was with two different guys.
Try not answering the phone I think it will actually make you feel better with practice.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Haha oh yeah I hear you man. My STBX and I are also handling our own divorce civilly. I think I had a journal entry a few weeks back about being caled to go fix her car. I don't even mind I just smile and say, "Oh you know I am always happy to be there for you." When we are divorced and I am 3,000 miles away it's going to be, "Lo siento senora numero equivocado." It will be worth it in the end man.
happywannab
happywannab
At a certain point well after the divorce and pain. It may be possible to help one another out as people on a mutual level. Like friendly humans should do but I agree at this point she needs to "deal" on her own using her own resources (you not being one of them), just like you have to do. If there are kids and the kids need something, I think is is right to ask the "other parent" for help. We should not divorce our kids or their needs as so many seem to do! Just be unavailable, sorry for her!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I didn't have the same problem, but I had problems with getting him (at that time he was still my husband..there was no ex to it) to help me with anything. He didn't take care of his responsibilities. He was treating me like an ex a month into the seperation.
mkcoleman
mkcoleman
I wish I could solve my divorce civil, but my ex is playing dirty too! After 23 years he wants the OW, did pay me any support and I just sold the house. He just wants it all his way. He (not all guys) is the biggest jerk ever! I can wait to sign the papers. You hang in there HeaveToo.

Are you still sailing? How's the weather?

MK