Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok you guys out there. This is a serious question for you. For those men who are now divorced and were the ones who initiated the divorce. I would like to know how you felt when you did it. Especially you men out there who were married for 20 or more years or more than 10 who divorced their wives for whatever reason but especially because you were the unfaithful spouse. Did you still feel bad having to get divorced after so many years? Do you men feel what us women feel? Or do you just do it like nothing and move on? I am really curious to know if men feel just as bad as women when they hace to initiated the process even if its for another woman. Do you guys still feel a sense of loss but know you must move on?
im telling you why......
cause he's been an a-hole in 2011"
thats as far as my Xmas spirit can go this year....
2newadvntrs, you asked
"So I have a better question to be asked...How many cheated when it was over in the relationship but not legally, and if so why should it really be called cheating at that point?? Better yet ask yourself was the relationship really dead and gone when the cheating was done, so does that make someone a cheater just waiting for the legality to be over with??
I don't consider it cheating at that point."
Of course it's cheating. If you are in a monogamous relationship, whether you are happy or not, going outside of that relationship is cheating.
My stbx and I were terribly unhappy. Did that give him the right to go sleep with our neighbor? One partner may feel that a relationship is dead and over, but how about burying it (divorce) and dealing with ending that first, before "getting action" elsewhere.
According to my H, I was a terrible wife. I didn't abuse him, or even argue with him. I was always available to him intimately, I kept our house, raised our children and brought in some income as well. His issue is that I wasn't "happy and cheerful" enough. HE made me miserable. Kinda hard to be happy and cheerful trying to please a man that couldn't be pleased. Nothing I ever did was good enough and my friends commented that he was not very nice to me.
However, in his mind the relationship (11 years married) was dead and gone...problem is, he didn't tell me first!!! Here I was trying to engage him into going to MC to see what was going wrong and trying to fix it and honor my vows. But he, on the other hand, simply wanted to screw the neighbor.
So my answer is yes, it is cheating.
I only lasted 7 years...
Do you men feel what us women feel?
I think this is impossible, but i'd say both sides go thru some sort of pain..
do you just do it like nothing and move on?
I'm not sure this is possible either, unless the other person or persons involved never had any real feelings to begin with...
I have also read some post on here how the other person moved on "while still being with sig. other.... So when they actually did break-up they displayed no emotions, or moved on like nothing ever happen..
Do you guys still feel a sense of loss but know you must move on?
Yes, It's not as strong as it was... I have come along way..
I am female so my response probably doesn't matter but I will say that THIS is an incorrect statement.
I have been married for 17 years. I initiated and will file the divorce. There is NO infedelity involved.
Do not assume that those who left are not in their own hell also. You don't just walk away from half of your life and go on like nothing happened.