the ones who intiated the break up probably not on here because they will be happy in their own lives. they have left the devastation behind them. The ones on here are probably the ones living the devastation. thats just my opinion

Interesing question. I'd like to know the same answer with the genders reversed. Since statistically speaking, women file for divore more than men.

I can't provide feedback because my (now ex) wife is the one that filed for divorce, she is the one that was unfaithful and was sleeping with a new guy (the first of many) just 2 months after the divorce.

yes I would like to know the reply. But i bet they are not here

I initiated the divorce but for the reasons you mentioned. I have been not given any space, handling 80% of the family responsibility (earning, all my son's activities, house chores, financial responsibilities and you n are it) and still called names for hours everyday. It has been 3.5 months and I still cry. It was a extremely hard decision but I know if I would have stayed I would be dead in few years. I understand she is also feeling the loss and I understand she is ALSO devastated. But I can't take any more shit and if someone want to call it selfishness then I am OK with that. I know it is going to be hard for my son but it is better than he seeing us fighting for hours everyday. But she believes I am coward. Yes I get upset over this but I have no control on other and they are free to say anything they want. I was maried to her for 8.5 years when I filed.

I meant NOT for the reasons you mentioned.

I'm a guy - but on your side. I agree that people who do the leaving rarely look for solace and answers on any site. For the most part they are in new relationships - if they cheated many are in the relationship they cheated with.

I would guess my ex felt nothing - except anger toward the person they are leaving. Because they blame them for letting them down for so many years (whether they did or not).

I would say that trying to figure out how they feel might be a waste of your time. If they left, filed, have a new person - we shouldn't care anymore. We need to get our life going, right?

any more responses? I am just wondering if you guys who did the cheating on the spouse can actually still miss the ex once in a while even though you moved on with the OW and filed for divorce. Still waiting for more responses.

Like a couple of posts have said.....if they cheated, initiated the divorce....they aren't on this site. They're living their life and not looking back. If they cared in any way shape or form they wouldn't have done what they did!

I'm not a man, but men do have feelings and do reminisce about good times just like women...us women don't have the market cornered. A relationship can become unhealthy but it doesn't mean nothing good ever happened. Especially when the couple had been together for so long and through so many life changing events. I don't know if there are any men on here fitting the criteria you listed, but I have read from those who left long term marriages and they do have guilt to live with. They struggle and agonize as well.

oh brother......

No one can tell you if your ex misses you which, I suspect, is the motivation for this question. But the gender specific parts of questions about cheating or leaving are irrelevant in that statistics show that the numbers are relatively equal between the sexes.

http://infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html

There is even a study which says that women are genetically programmed to cheat.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=1469078

I don't suscribe just showing you the study ( although it happened to me twice). Personally I think infidelity is human rather than gender based.

Mandamoo I think you are right...
My hubby after married 12 yrs told his wife at the time If she was going to her mothers tonight, He's going out and getting some action...He was tired of her controlling sex to get what she wanted in the marriage, they even went w/o for a yr or so at a time, he was tired of everything being a beg and mercy..She always had to go to her mothers house every weekend, never went to his mothers house for any holidays , she wouldn't have it...His mother only saw her gkids like 3 ocasions as the family went there..From day one wedding night she didn't sleep with him because he just danced with his best mans fiance...He got tired of it all!!! He went out got some action and she filed the divorce...
He has no regrets of leaving that woman, other than how he did, he said if had to change anything he would have not cheated he would have just filed...He claims he saw no future as there was no real time spent together to try to keep a marriage alive..He saw himself as an old man and losing everything at a later time in life when he could not regain..So he left at an age that he could rebuild his life over..And truelly be happy with the person he was meant to be from the begining before bad choices were made...He's now with the wife whom God had for him from the begining....I know I hear you guys complaining already...How do I know God had made this man for me??? Because when we got engaged and all our lives we thought we didn't know each other,, we happened to pull out our childhood pics and there was this little girl and boy playing on a beach half way around the world, and I pulled out a picture of me wearing the same bikini on the same beach taken the same day..I had realized I had went to his moto cross races and seen him race. Just recently we found a picture of both our dads in the same pic fighting in the korean war together...
He's not here on this site today cause he is working hard to pay cs and to support our true loving family....And hasn't looked back once!!!

I initiated the divorce, but not because I had cheated or had someone else in my life.
It was just because I could not take any more of the mental and verbal abuse, his numerous addictions (and some infidelity I am pretty sure of but didn't even bother to investigate) which had gone on for most of our 28 year marriage.

I did not feel a sense of loss from doing the actual deed of ending the marriage. I felt really relieved, because I had done so many years of the agonizing, hurting and crying for at least the last 10 to 15 years leading up to finally saying enough was enough. I think I had done a lot of the mourning pre separation and divorce.
I joined this support group more for help, encouragement and advice on how to get my life back together and back on track.

you and your hubby sounds like me and my estranged hubby. We met 5 years ago and realised we had been in same places at same times for years. because he is 9 yearsolder our paths never crossed.
and now he s left

BTW , She claimed he cheated first...told his kids how dirty rotten he was for cheating...But then I found out she had went to this pastor confided in him that she had cheated..When we started to put the dates of conception together for the last child as to when sex occured it didn't match..When confronted she confessed but didn't want the kids to know...Because she wanted to still call him the dirty dog..But the paternity test showed it wasn't his son , the last child..So who really cheated first?? She did..Almost didn't get caught...
He just openly did it when it was over..before it was over legally...But people don't think that way...
So I have a better question to be asked...How many cheated when it was over in the relationship but not legally, and if so why should it really be called cheating at that point?? Better yet ask yourself was the relationship really dead and gone when the cheating was done, so does that make someone a cheater just waiting for the legality to be over with??
I don't consider it cheating at that point...Just don't call the kettle black..