Am sorry man. Hurting over here too tonight. Hopefully we can both find some peace.

As I am in the process of divorce, I will soon be moving from my rather remote area in town into a rental townhouse right near the "downtown" area. While I am happy about the new access to various things, one side effect is that I will be right near the supermarket where stbx's new guy works. I believe I may see him regularly there. There are no other supermarkets nearby. This concerns me. I'm not sure how I will handle it - probably just ignore the guy, but it will surely affect my mood.

This shit is hard.

To be really honest, I didn't feel all that hurt, it was more like awkward. Also, I didn't want to put myself in a situation where I might kick his ass and go to jail, if for some odd and unlikely reason he makes a rude comment. Better to just walk away, and I feel good about doing that.

It's my birthday Friday and my plans fell through but I won't go back "home" because stbx is there. I don't ever want to see him again.

Tonight is my oldest step-daughter's dance recital. She texted me to let me know where it is, what time and said she'd love for me and my biological daughter to attend.

This is tough, because even though my wife is not bringing her loser BF, I personally don't think I can stomach the site of her. I'm not at that place where I can fake a smile and exchange pleasantries. I get that I don't have to chat with her or even sit near her, but the thought of just seeing her is making me sick.

I don't know how tell my step-daughter that I can't go, because of her mom. I made a promise to myself to never talk negatively about my step-daughters' mother, no matter what.

If you can stomach going for your step-daughter's sake, try to do it. You don't have to say one word to stbx or sit anywhere near here - I wouldn't!

If you can't stomach going, then make up an excuse unrelated to stbx and tell her how sorry you are that you can't be there. She'll probably figure out the truth anyway.

I'm pretty sure I won't go, unfortunately. Seeing my wife and her BF the other day at the store and how it really bothered me just confirmed I am not ready to even look at her.

What is it that makes you feel ill around her? I only ask specifics because you can't fix what you choose not to acknowledge and so avoiding someone isn't really going to help matters. I do get that you need to heal and be away from someone who caused you pain but what is it about her that specifically has you avoiding everyone else just for the sake of her. I have my own answers to this because I avoided lots of things and faced set backs but I want you to understand why you are letting her continue to have that power when she should just be a "whatever". What holds you there? The only way to get happy again is to do things that make you happy so if it makes you happy to see your step daughter dance then do it for the both of you. But if it really is too painful then maybe you can ask if you can take your step daughter to a celebration after her dance to make her feel important to you.

As hard as it might be I would try to go to the dance recital. The step daughter doesn't deserve to suffer because of your separation. I'm sure she is having a hard enough time. Not going will in no way hurt your ex either. So go, and don't even acknowledge the ex.

i would go for the girl, she invited you, that means to matter to her
AND mattering to kid is always a good thing

focus on the girls invite, you can't fool a kid, she wants you there because you are a good guy, focus in that to get through

While it would be nice for you to attend, don't go if you're not ready. This is not a situation of your making. You know how you felt seeing your ex from a distance last week. Don't set yourself up for an emotional setback. The sad reality is that there are going to be a number of events you'll likely missnow that you and your wife have separated. Your stepdaughter will have to make the adjustment just like you're learning to adjust. It's sad that she has to suffer but she has her mother to thank.

I agree with Missy. This was not your doing, and unfortunately it will profoundly affect the entire family. Maybe in a year or so you will be more comfortable but the reality is you have to heal. I saw my ex very briefly at our daughters graduation, no way I was missing that but after 15 months it was still uncomfortable. It sucks but again that wasn't my choice either. Do what makes YOU feel comfortable. Take care

I live about 50-60 miles away from the ex and it is a thing of beauty. We didn't go down the same career path either so the last time I saw him was our divorce court hearing on 1/31/14 and I couldn't be happier!

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I'm also with Missy and Coop on this. If your not ready, don't go. If you do want to go, sit away from her. You can always take your stepdaughter out for dinner and spend time with her that way. You can always tell her it was last minute and you were not able to attend, even though you wanted to, and that you love her very much.

Thanks everyone for all your input and advice. I understand that this night was about my step-daughter and not me or my feelings, but I decided not to attend as I truly will not feel comfortable being there. It would take all of my inner strength to not approach my wife and tell her off, which would not be ok. I texted my step-daughter, apologized and wished her luck and said I knew she'd do really great. My step-daughter replied back stating that she totally understood and that it was ok.

I told her I was proud of her and promised to take her and the other girls out for a fun time this week. She gladly accepted and we will go out on Thursday.

My biological daughter sensed I was upset and suggested we go out and watch a movie. We saw Jurassic World, which was a good distraction. Although I was cursed with a horrible wife, I am blessed with wonderful daughters, step and biological.