From what you have written, from the outside looking in, you seem to have a good chance of reconciling. You are acknowledging your shortcomings, which means you can make the changes necessary to revive your relationship. That both of you are agreeable to counseling is also a plus. I would however caution the "free to date" agreement; I don't see the benefit of pursuing, even on a very causal basis, a relationship with another women when your aim to the strengthening your existing relationship.

Separation may give you both a chance to reflect on your relationship and on yourself as an individual. If you take action in nurturing the better version of yourself for your own sake and if you both comit to enhance each other's lives and continue to grow your bond as couple, parents, friends, you may have a chance.

Also, what have you got to loose except a chance at knowing if you both have it in you to continue your journey either together or separate. The temporary separation allow you both to have a choice without presssure. Even if it hurts you much rather her choose to be with you rather than settle. If you both love each other you have a chance.

Read articles about separation to save a divorce and you can find helpful tips. Please share how if you go through it. I don't know if that was an option for me, but if I did I would have taken it so that I wouldn't no regrets. Good luck and I am rooting for you.

Thanks Cora! I honestly don't see the benefit of dating during separation either. Her idea is that we (she more than me) may come to realize that dating scene sucks, whic would draw us closer together. However, after talking to her brother (who has an open relationship), that is something she may want to do in the future. Why am i putting myself through this? Does she not respect me??

We are exactly in the same boat my friend... Except for a few details.
My husband left about 1 1/2 months because he needed time to think about what he wanted. A few things he told me when we first talk about it, he was unsure about everything pretty much... Didn't know if he loved me anymore, didn't know where he wanted to be. etc...
At first, it was SO EXTREMELY painful for me, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I was crying all day...
But after two weeks I started to see with a lot more clarity everything and I started to look in the mirror and it was actually pretty shocking... I didn't like what bit what I saw...
I became a really controlling person, I have been trying to control my husband and everyone around for a very long time. I always thought: 'All women are somehow controlling, so it's ok''... But actually is not...
All I'm saying is try to use this time to ''fix'' yourself because if you guys work things out and get back together, you really don't want things to be the same otherwise you are gonna end up in the same place a few months or years down the road...

I still don't know if my husband and I are gonna go back together, I love him. But if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, it's his decision. Don't get me wrong, it's gonna hurt like hell and back. But I know I'll be ok...

If I can do it, you can do it...

I have a 2-year-old daughter, it terrifies just thinking about raising her by myself, but one of the things that I have realised in this time apart from my husband is that I don't need him... I want to be with him, but I can do it by myself too...

All the best.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. I was almost about to just give up bc I don't know (or maybe I'm scared) of what the future will bring. Since there is still love there on both ends, I think we owe it to ourselves to keep it going, no matter how hard it will be or what end result is.

Just to add a little bit if I may. My wife just asked me for a full-blown divorce out of the blue. A month before we were talking about having kids and buying cars... anyhow, she didn't say time, she just went straight to divorce, and has not hesitated for one second since. Not one email, not one text, not one wavering of her voice, nothing whatsoever.
This has obviously wrecked me (which explains why I'm on this forum in the first place), and finding closure still feels unattainable because of the suddenness and unexpectedness. However, there is one thing I think may help you: it has been good to go cold turkey, and I appreciate that she has been so solid about her intention, leaving me no doubts except the empty ones I make for myself which I know are nothing more than houses of cards.
But in this process of kicking me out of my own house within just days of discussing babies, she shocked me so much that I realized why she was so unhappy at me in the first place. I obviously panicked and sped up all my changes, made all sorts of promises (which I honestly intend to keep, I was actually earnestly working on my flaws before she left me), but as I say she still left making it pretty clear that she won't come back. This drove me deeper and deeper into myself; my past, my weaknesses, their causes, my traumas... I rediscovered a lot of things I had forgotten about my childhood and upbringing and, in the end, I got at the root of my flaws. Although initially this was obviously motivated by my wanting to get her back, it has now become the greatest gift I have had in my adult life: I did lose her, but I got myself.
The lesson I think you can take from here is that you should use this time to find yourself; who are you? What doesn't she like in you? Do you dislike it too? How much? Are you willing to change that for her? For you? For your kids? And if it's not for you, is it really worth changing? Are your virtues outweighed by your flaws? Well, maybe they are, but that's your decision, not hers. Take control of yourself, this is your moment.
P.S.: I think a proper cold-turkey separation may be good for both of you, but this is something to be done with care. But if you think the risk of losing her would be too great, then you've already lost. I mean you've lost *yourself* (and likely also her down the line).

It seems you two are in a good place to reconcile your relationship, you both seem willing and wanting to build your marriage, counseling is a great way to do that but I am not sure seeing other people is very healthy while you are trying to work things out. Investing in a romantic relationship with a stranger while trying to rekindle one with your wife seems really strange. I will be praying for you both and your girls, you can do this stay strong and positive for them as well as yourself. Best of luck.

Based on what I read, it seems like your wife is going through cross roads. Does she wants you as a safety net in case the "dating scene" didn't work out? Or, she's being honest that she really want to figure things out..either way, she doing something for herself. And maybe you should do the same. Concentrate on what you can do for yourself.. be "the guy" to date. It's like the movie Crazy Stupid Love. Just my two cents. Best of luck.

I don't think the FREE TO DATE agreement will help at all. Looks like she wants to have her fun then comeback to you.

Cheating is a choice. It's not your fault she decided to cheat. She is using your short comings as an excuse. Instead of sleeping with other people...which is only going to make it worse...you two should both be going to counseling to see if things can be worked out.

If she is wanting to date while you are going to counseling and repairing yourself. Sounds like she is not takeing any responsibility for her own actions and this will never work. It takes 2 people to keep the relationship alive, not one. I wish you well, I hope all works out for you.

I really do believe she wants to work things out. She's very bright and problem solver. She thinks things through and she's done some things to indicate she wants this to work out, including marriage counseling. I need to focus on the positives, which is hard right now. Right now, I just need to focus on myself and that includes trying to meet new people. I need to work on myself and realize that I will be ok no matter what, and realize that I can still meet someone if divorce occurs. Thanks for all the feedback and wishes.

Oh my!! She chests on you but it is all your fault? Your lack of communication? Your stress? Your stubbornness?

What about her responsibility to talk to you if she is unhappy? BEFORE she completely violates your trust. Where is her apology TO YOU?!

I've head this song before. I sang it. And you know what I'm coming to believe? By being so Ready to see all the wys I could have been better, I rob him of this responsibility to treat me with respect.

Go read chumplady.com. S making excuses for her, hold her accountable, demand the respect you deserve

try to take one day at a time. Try to be open and honest with your wife. When you take her out on a date, talk to her, ask her how she is doing. Try to get an intimate conversation with her. Make her feel important again; remember the things you guys talked about when you were dating, how you treated each other. If you can bring that back to the relationship, hopefully it will help bring you two back together. I think once a couple had children, everything becomes focused on the kids, the marital relationship gets forgotten, parents get exhausted from rising children.

Thank you green! That was much needed this morning. I need to start focusing on myself as well, figuring myself out. Thank you everyone for your experience, words, and luck!

I am so sorry you are going through this. It does sound like you both still love and respect each other - which is so important to maintain - especially b/c you have children together. My husband and I just also recently split up after 24 years together. We both hurt each other over the years and kept 'sweeping it under the rug'. The pain and hurt was never really addressed/dealt with and kept bubbling up every couple months, years, etc. As much as this hurts right now, if you can both use this time apart to truly find yourselves, fix yourselves, etc. You may be able to return to each other fully healed and have the rest of your amazing lives together. My husband and I both love each other and are staying great friends - we have two amazing girls together and many great memories. I am using this separation to focus on myself, improve myself, become the amazing person that I would want to be with. You cannot change the other person, only yourself. If it was meant to be - we will find each other again. I believe that for you as well. Best of luck and take care of yourself. You will make it and be ok - either way. (even if it doesn't feel like that right now).

So SHE has and affair but YOU need to change? And she thinks a separation will bring much needed clarity? And she sets the ground rules that it's ok to see others ??? Dude...
The old adage Once a cheater...personally I wouldn't waste my time. You may reconcile but you'll be playing phone police and wondering where she is if she's late blah blah ...no way to live.