Do you want this for another year, another five, ten or twenty years??

Leave. The entire relationship is bad all around whether emotional or physical. How is physical worse than emotional? It'd been how long and its not better yet you find reasons to actually stay??

So are you two staying together because of your mutual dislike for each other? You must be getting more good from staying from him than bad, or you'd put him out of your life.

Do you find that being in a abusive relationship is better than being in no relationship at all?

Sorry, but I don't see him getting any nicer to you, only meaner.

I'm just curious...do you feel like youre getting sick?
do you feel physically worse now than you did a year or more ago?

I really don't understand why you are with this person either. Do you really want to put up with this??? Why is it better to stay with him than break up? His actions are those of a 3 year old, who doesn't know any better.

The problem is not him.
He is one of many men that fit a similar profile.

You have identified that you have taken this man back many times. Have you tried to discover what makes you do this?

I have tried to find out why I keep doing this to myself and have had therapy for years, groups for cognitive thinking, anger and all because he is the one who has those problems. That is what all my 3 different therapists have said and they actually told me I don't need groups anymore although I am requesting counseling again when I go next month. I really think I do this because I have a terrible need to be loved so much so that just him saying that to me once in a while is enough to keep me going. I know it sounds crazy but I have issues and I know I do. When I was young my mother left and she left my dad with 3 girls and when she left she no longer cared about any of us at all. My dad was not too good and he neglected us a lot and especially me being the youngest because my sisters were hardly at home. He used to come home at 3am and leave in the morning for work and not buy food i mean there was nothing in the house. He used to send me outside at 11pm at night so he could have hookers over and tell me not to come back for two hours or until I see his truck leave and I would go in the backyard and lay down with my dog and sleep and I had to get up for school in the morning. My dad had a tripod set up in his bedroom and would take naked pictures of the girls he had over and when he got them developed he would show them to me. He never abused me but I was afraid he would all the time. I acted and dressed like a boy because I did not want to look attractive and two boys at school told me they were going to rape me and followed me to my classes, locker, and I would run from them after school until finally I quit and went to continuation school to get my diploma because I knew those boys would get me one day. My parents did not care about me or love me and when I turned 18 my dad kicked me out like he did all of us because when we turn 18 he is done. I lived in a truck for a year and showered at friends and washed up at work and tried to save to get an apartment but I didn't make enough. Eventually I ended up on drugs and I sort of was suicidal too. I think a lot of my issues are from the neglect and abandonment by my parents because any attention is better than loneliness and feeling like nobody in the world loves you. I think that is my problem. I really think that is why I let men treat me like crap and I don't know how to change it. I never really came clean about everything in counseling because I am ashamed and I always say I loved my father ( i did and still do love him) but he was not good to me but I think he couldn't help it. I think my mom should have been more responsible and so what I did was vow to never be like her so instead I forgive forgive and forgive again. But one thing I think I do well is I had a son and I am the best parent I can be for him and I do everything and anything to support him, guide him, and care for him and have done it alone his whole life and now he is about to turn 18 and he is smart, doesn't follow the crowds, no drugs, smoking, sagging pants or any of that he is a good smart young man and I am proud of the one thing I have done right is be his mother! The other stuff I think I need to find real help so I can be stronger and learn I do not need to be with anyone if it means being abused. I know I have a problem and that is why I am here trying to get input and support because it is only my son and I and I have no family or friends really. I have some friends at church but when I am with this guy i do not go and see anyone its like I lose my life. There is something invisible that keeps me from doing what i want to do even if it is going to church. some of it i dont even know why or understand.

Maybe it's time to love yourself more than you love hm?

((((((((((((((((((((((((radrm))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you've had to survive such cr*p in your life! :(
Like Namaste said, I think it's time to love yourself. You did an awesome job bringing up your son, right? Working with him, guiding him. So now do the same for yourself... get away from that loser you're with. Love yourself. Then--and only then--find someone else who'll love you.

I did not read the responses, so I apologize if this is redundant. First, you said he does not "usually" hit you, meaning this has happened before; second you asked IF it is physical abuse; third you are making excuses for him..... I am so sorry that you are in this situation, however, I was abused in my first marriage.... and the 3 things you have mentioned are all indicators, red flags! No one has the right to lay hands, downgrade, dismiss another! You are better than that, and you can not let this cycle relive and relive! Take the first step for yourself and look into an abused support group....you will find how many similarities that you have....I sure did!

None of your 3 therapists suggested working on your self esteem?
I am not meaning that harsh either - I suffered from codependancy and low self esteem - which really go hand in hand. You have had 3 therapists and not one of them has given you a treatment plan to help with your codependancy/self esteem issues?

xoxo

It's called codependency. There is a codependency group in DS - join it. You will see yourself in so many people on there, including me. Abuse only gets worse, it never gets better unless the abuser is actively seeking help and wanting to change. Does that sound like your significant other. Only people we can change are ourselves. He is not good for you. Find a qualified codependency counselor instead of group therapy. You will discover why you allow him to treat you this way, and you will be given the skills to stand up for yourself and make a better life. Good luck!