Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've been separated since November. I was with my ex for 17 years (married 14 years), so I'm a bit out of practice when it comes to flirting. As part of experimenting with re-inventing myself, I decided to see what it was like to wear a men's fragrance.
I go to the shop. The woman behind the desk is very friendly. She shows me this and that. We talk about where she got her expertise. I introduced myself. Then she says, "Y'know, I have some free samples behind the cash register let me get you one." So she does. Then ...
Me: Thank you so much, that's really kind of you!
Her: Well, maybe I'll see you again some time.
Me: Yeah, maybe.
Her: I work on Sundays.
Hmmm. Is that an invitation of some kind?
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
They make a commission on sales so probably not .
Wouldn't hurt if you do go back and see what happens
Wouldn't really go with high expectations
Hopefully she was giving you a hint to come back next week.
If not, it helps to get you more comfortable/talkative with women
Saying she works there on Sundays meant that she wanted the commission for the sale. Nothing more.
I am just being honest so you don't go back and do or say something that would be embarrassing.
What avenues have you looked into for dating? Have you tried meetup.com? It's not a dating site, but they have get togethers for singles, dinners or outdoor activities such as hiking, etc. Might be less pressure to attend a group of singles, just to get your feet wet.
In the meanwhile, keep working on yourself. Get exercise (helps us with self confidence), have hobbies and interests you enjoy..... You will meet the right woman.... keep trying. Dating apps aren't all bad, I know of some real success stories.
I am in the camp of this woman is a good salesperson. You indicated interest in men's fragrance but you didn't purchase anything. You seemed nice enough. She gave you samples and said she works on Sundays to get you to come back and purchase something. It is not you as you, it is you as a holder of a wallet or debit card.
And right now you are just separated, not yet fully divorced, so this is the time to try new things but maybe not actively dating yet. Get that divorce final and then you are free to seek new friendships, etc. Plus flirting is not real, there is a certain manipulativeness about it. I am going to suggest you do what others have suggested: join social groups, clubs, hobby groups, etc. Learn to talk to people, to women, have a conversation not a flirt-a-thon. Book clubs are good places to learn to speak up regarding a set topic, so are Toastmasters clubs or Lions Clubs, etc. You indicate you ride a bike and this is a good way to be among other people but you can't practice holding conversations while riding a bike in a group.
You can try online dating but know that many/most of the people on there can be fake. These are catfishes looking for lonely, needy, rich men who are easily fooled. I just read a newspaper article about how so many of the profiles are not real human beings. You want to take anything slow and try to meet in person or at least do video calls where you can see this person and never never send money. Even if this woman sounds so desperate, a storm took off her roof and she doesn't know how she is going to get an extra $100 to fix it, and you have the money and it makes you feel magnanimous to share your money with "her". I was just reading an article about "yahoo boys" in Nigeria whose job is to pretend to be someone else and scam lonely people out of money. So be careful on social media also. Always assume someone is not real until you are proven this person is real by meeting in person or on a zoom call or FaceTime call.
And lastly, DS is a good place to practice discussion skills and being focused on another person's problems or issues.
Some women don't like fragrance by the way. People use way too much smelly stuff and it gives many of us headaches. Also look at your clothing, does it scream doddering grandfather, or interesting vibrant man? Some people stop trying to dress attractively at our age.
But, as Bobby said above, you *could* just go for it and ask her out. But first, make some "small talk" at the counter... don't just right away ask her out.... she will say No.
Have you tried other avenues, such as Meetup .com? Checked Facebook for singles events? Do you belong to a church, they have singles events there.
In the meanwhile, work on yourself, exercise, get some clothes (like Hasty said, above), eat healthy...... and enjoy your time by yourself. Being alone does not mean you are lonely.
Good luck! We are here if you need more tips or advice!