Hi Amanda,

...it may help your readers to know who is at fault. You or your husband (infidelity)?

I’ll be honest that sounds extremely suspect to me, coming from experience, if he is still saying he wants a divorce, even after doing all that with you, it’s because he wants to move on but doesn’t know how to let go, in my past I spent it with a girl that I dated for a long time where she would tell me all the time she wanted to break up but never did, and enjoyed being with me, her words, she seemed happy but as it turned out she ended up cheating on me a few times and it didn’t end until I was the one that cut ties, and after about 3 weeks it was as if she never met me, and moved on quick. I realize marriage is quite different then a relationship but I promise from family to my past people act the same, marriage makes no difference.

Figure out what he truly wants

I am at fault

okay...Amanda, why do you imagine that this guy is following the Golden Rule? You know, the one that says if you do unto others as you would have done unto you, it is likely that you will never offend, bore or intrude, and that your actions will be courteous and indeed thoughtful.

Something is missing here; this is not the traditional customs of a breakup. Still thanks for the extra news.

It's really impressive how graceful he behaves. However, you may want to discuss his behavior with this situation more openly. Honestly, I don't feel like he is trying to appease you out of great love for you, especially because infidelity hurts so very much that it is traditionally viewed as slaughter to the emotions. Your husband has a smart strategy going on here. He is using you as a pawn to gain an advantageous position for some planned time in the future. You really will be making a wise choice to ask explorable questions. You should be concerned about what's to come of all of this.

I'll explain why I have this idea that he is up to something you have no idea of his intentions: See, you gave up something to another person that he valued in you, which was loyalty, trust, and faith in you, and this was his reason for loving you back, and ultimately he trusted you enough to marry you because of these traits. Then is the incident that caused the separation of where he is now living with friends. He left his home because he understands that there is an immediate and important need for change. And this way is somewhat like a construction project for the purpose of his future needs; it is his own idea of progressing by a methodical approach to the matter at hand, and not really as it appears that he is a comfort for you - this is all about his way of dealing with his own comfort level. And it could be that he is planning this strategically because he is aware that he is not at present prepared emotionally to remove you from his heart; thus he is buying time, and keep in mind that he has the right because this is something you own, not him. In reality, people are subject to think of self-preservation while dealing with uncontrollable circumstances, and he is backed into a corner of which is not by his own personal choosing. See the point? It's not about you, it's self that he's considering now. Expect for some unexpected to happen in the future as his thoughts and actions progress.

Keeping a comfortable distance at his own pace as opposed to living together under stressful circumstances is really a smart move by him though. As I see it, he has the right to express disagreement yet he is masterfully plotting his own course. And, possibly, he is proceeding in this way out of a little honor as your husband and the father of your children, and as you may have apologized, with genuine sorrow for the act of infidelity, this has prevented him from walking away in a disgruntled hurry.

Best to you.

He loves you still, you are the mother of his kids, a friend, you shared a life together.
However, he realizes that he can’t be faithful and that you deserve a man who is. He wants to date other women.. at least he is honest about it instead of carrying on behind your back and stringing you along.
Either way, it is sad..

I can see why you would feel confused. It seems he wants all the benefits of marriage, without the paper and legal parts to it, anymore. That he will be dating other women (and "dating" you, too). You said you do not want a divorce. He can't have things both ways. I suggest you sit down with him and ask him what is going on. That either he is all in, or all out. Can't keep pretending everything is still fine. Marriage counseling may be in order, also, to perhaps put this back together. Your profile says that you two would have been 22 years old when you got married, so maybe he is seeing what else is out there now.

Sometimes it's hard to let go and move on immediately. If this keeps up, you will see him moving more and more away. How will you feel when he starts dating other women? This is why things need to be talked about. Don't settle. Good luck, let us know.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It isn’t very nice that your husband is doing that. Have you been to a counselor? I have been going to. It will help you. I would get yourself a lawyer. He is playing games with you. You deserve better than this treatment. Please don’t give him the satisfaction of your love and care. He doesn’t deserve it. I would file for a divorce as soon as possible. Wishing you peace, happiness and luck.

If he's not committed, I'd cut out the sleepovers. It sounds like he wants to have multiple women, likes the comfort and companionship of you, but does not mind having other women too. I think you're being exploited and I have my doubts about whether he could or would commit to a monogamous relationship.

A grown-up conversation with no disctractions is needed. Sit apart from each other, talk, ask questions, answer questions, cry whatever. After all of that, you may have a better idea of wth is going on.

Since you asked for opinions....IMO He loves you but knows he can't love you "that way" anymore based off of his on morals. So he's separating his self from you but doing it in his way on his own timeline. So he's using you the way he may feel that you used him....still uses your help with 'homey' activities yet will have his own separate dating life after promised divorce is over. OR maybe he wants the children to see how "good" he is by sticking with you and doing vacays after the infidelity. OR maybe he has hope that things will change.

There are just so many possibilities as to what is going through this persons head, A grown-up conversation between the two of you may clear up things.