I believe people are saying let him go, because:

1. You can't make someone love you. There is no magic charm or love potion to make a person want you. He wants the other woman.

2. You are naive to believe that him leaving you is a mistake. He intentionally chose the life he wanted and it wasn't with you.

3. Men who break their marriage vows, betray their wives by cheating, and then move out with very little explanation are selfish, unbelievably self-entitled jerks. Why would you be trying to do the pick me dance for this sparkling turd? (chumnplady.com )

4. You're so busy loving him and wanting him back that you've created this fantasy in your mind, where your sparkling turd is not like all the other sparkling turds who cheat on their wives and shack up with their affair partners. No, he's special and none of the rules in life apply to him. Get your head straight and start respecting yourself. If you don't value yourself any higher than this, he definitely won't.

Not trying to be harsh, but you are kind of in lala land. If you were lucky enough to win the pick me game, your dream comes true and your sparkling turd comes crawling back, he'll probably just do it again and again, each time getting better and better at hiding it. Is that how you want to live your life?

I had to put up with someone like that many years ago. He begged me to take him back and was actually crying. I took him back, he did it again. Again, I took him back and he did it again. That was the last straw. Three strikes you're out. I also feel that once they do it, and you take them back, they will do it again. I will never put myself through that again.

You can't. Sorry but I always stay in reality. Taking him back will put you in a continuous loop of horror. I lived it for 47 years. He cheated when we were married just 6 weeks! He cheated with women and then men in his later years. Each time I forgave him and he went on to use me some more and do it again. I've had 3 therapists tell me once a cheater, always a cheater. They said once forgiven, it is a free pass to do it again because after all, they'll just be forgiven and that's not so bad. It's a pattern of behavior. Be worth something even if he doesn't acknowledge you are.

He's made his choice and it's not you. Sorry. I know that reality hurts. I just want you to keep your feet firmly planted in reality. I didn't and I wasted my entire life for that decision.

He hasn't been gone very long, and probably will come back soon, when he realizes the grass is not greener.

I do hope you will find the strength not to take him back. He may even still love you, but he won't respect you if you take him right back. You deserve better. You don't sound very angry, and that surprises me. Being left like that must be humiliating.

I took my marriage vows very seriously too, but all that meant was that I stayed in a bad marriage too long and let him hurt me way too many times.

I think the best thing now is to discreetly get a free consultation with a divorce attorney, and start figuring out your next steps, without him.

cheaters love only themselves, they aren't good men & women that make mistakes, they are deceivers and manipulators that make choices.

your husband choose to be your husband because it & you were useful to him. now he chooses otherwise.

sad that you can love him and he only himself

as you get tested for stds, ask yourself, "is he really a good man, putting me at risk?" you don't matter at all to him

You can win him back by waiting for his current affair to end, then welcoming him back with open arms. You might have to wait a long time, so put the rest of your life on hold. Tell him you understand his *mistake* and that you'll do anything to make him happy. Give him everything he asks for and more. Put your future education, family, career aspirations on hold so his life takes complete priority over yours. Shut down that little voice inside of you that says you deserve a little respect. After all, you have this "good" man back, for better or worse, and that was the goal! If he strays again, be patient, he'll be back again and you'll just have to try that much harder next time to keep him. After all, his cheating is probably all your fault anyway.

NOT!!!!! to all of the above.

Everyone is saying to walk away because it is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Respect yourself, understand that he does not respect you and that marriage is supposed to be about mutual respect, trust, love. Do you think you deserve these things? He obviously does not.

While I was with a serial cheater and stayed with him the first time, the second time the woman demanded marriage. At least I assumed it was her as he was denying he was engaged until their wedding day. I didn’t mean enough to him to try again. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is a feeling you can’t describe to anyone who hasn’t felt it. But at some point you have to take care of you. Find things that make you happy. Definitely get a therapist to talk through this. And if you do decide to take him back, and that is totally your decision, make him go to counseling before he moves back in. Let him know he will have to wok to regain your trust and you are not just his hotel.

I think you need to sit still and not do anything till you've got your self respect back. What you are is codependent. You want the stability back. You worked hard to get this husband, you don't want to lose him. You tell yourself that this is love and that you need him emotionally.

You need him emotionally like a hole in the head.

Time to grow. Sit still. If you run after him you will be a laughing stock - to him as much as anyone. You chase, he will run. If you want him back you have to not chase. you have to live your life strongly and with courage. You have to get your career going (if it's not already), get the house nice, live a happy life filled with laughter and friends. Real laughter. Real friends.

To be attractive to him you have to be the flame to his moth. Not the moth to his flame.

Fundamentally you cannot do this. Fundamentally only by being self-reliant and centred can you retrieve him, but the desire to have him back means you cannot be self-reliant and centred.

Now sit down and read this carefully. He left you because he didn't want to be with you. How long were you together? He probably knows you quite well by now. And he doesn't want to be with you. Who you are is not compatible with who he is.

It's a bust.

So yes, direct your attention towards getting your life together, and becoming whole alone. This will either attract him, or it won't. But it's all you can do.

First and foremost, I'm really sorry that you're going through this. It isn't fair, and I hope that you know that you deserve MUCH better.

Second, YES, he IS your husband. But he broke his vows, and chose the person he had an affair with. Your duty as a wife is to love, respect, and be faithful to your husband even when times are tough, and those are his duties to you, too. Though it is important to stand by your husband and try everything you can to make things work, you cannot make a marriage work if you are the only one fighting for it. He has already moved out and is still continuing his affair. If he truly recognized your worth and wanted to make things work, he would have apologized, stopped the affair, stayed with you, and done everything in his power to make things work. He did not do any of those things and he has made it clear that he has chosen a different path than you. This means that he has broken the covenant of marriage and you are no longer obligated to him in any way, shape, or form. Period.

Third, You will never be enough for the wrong person. You are MORE than enough, but he failed to see that -- that means that he does not deserve you, and he is not the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. It sounds like you are an excellent wife -- you are kind, sensitive, loving, caring, faithful, and persistent. However, marriage is not a one-way street. It takes 2 committed people to make a marriage work. You can be the picture-perfect wife but that will not make him love you, that will not make him stay, and you cannot save your marriage when the only person committed is you. I know that this is all easier said than done -- if I were in this situation, I would absolutely be heartbroken and part of me would want to make things work, too. But it is important to recognize when the appropriate time to walk away is. The time is NOW.

Even if he does leave his lover and come back to you, wouldn't you want it to be for the right reasons? Like an above person said, I am sure he will quickly realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side. If he never comes back to you, good riddance. But if he does come back, do you REALLY want to be with someone who will break his vows, disrespect you, and choose temporary bliss over building and fighting for a strong and healthy marriage? I would take this time to grieve, date yourself, and surround yourself with supportive friends and family. It's okay to cry, and it's okay to feel love for him -- you married this man for a reason; your love for him is not going to disappear overnight despite how horribly he has treated you. But you need to know when enough is enough and that the man who married you is no longer the man you are married to. You need to recognize your worth, know that you deserve better, and take your selfless love and give it to someone who deserves it: someone who will love, honor, and be faithful to you. A greater and better love is out there waiting for you, but you cannot experience it until you set yourself free from this pain and choose to walk a path towards a healthier and better life.

In other words: RUN WHILE YOU CAN. He did not choose you -- stop choosing him, and start choosing YOU. You will thank yourself one day. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

There's already a lot of good advice in the responses you've received. You need to ask yourself why you're hung up on him. I know you love him, and I know you think that you can forgive him. The problem is, when the affair was found out and he moved in with her, he basically said "I will not work on us". If he had come clean and offered to get help, I could see where you would consider forgiveness, people do make mistakes, but he seems to be saying that he didn't make a mistake. Ultimately, he probably did make a giant mistake. Anyone that would break up a marriage, won't likely make a good partner for him. If he comes back now it'll be because he gets dumped, or finds out that she doesn't give as much of herself to him as you do. I believe in forgiveness and that its very noble to fight for your marriage, but I think you need to fight for your self and your own well being, he told you what that meant to him and that's his flaw not yours! Things are fresh, things will continue to be difficult, but if you keep your focus on you and what you want (excluding your husband or any other man, for the moment) you will come out of this a much stronger and attractive person.

I understand what you are feeling. And I know what these others are saying is true. But it is sooo hard.
I was married to my husband for 4 years. He cheated on me multiple times , even after. Year of marriage. SYs he wanted to make it work, but all the while was still cheating. We got divorced. I was so lost and Distraught. I finally was moving on in a new relationship even though I wasn’t totally over my x. Which was wrong. Should have waited to start a new one. My x saw I was moving on years later. Decided he figured out what he wanted and that was us back. So,,,, I believe him! We even got remarried. Next month will be 3 years and 7 months ago I found an email that he had received from one of the women he had an affair with years ago and had something to do with our breakup. He says he doesn’t even remeber getting it. Really? He really thinks I believe him after all of the past.
So now he says he doesn’t know what he wants. SYs he loves me and wants us to work, but just doesn’t know for sure if he can get it. He wants his freedom and me. All just like before. So here I sit in limbo. What is going to happen after the holidays. He’s become even more cocky. He has a large amount of Inheritance that he received so now he would love to leave my without while he goes on with all his money and sleep around and think he is king tut.
So I say to you, if he has already left. It is best to move on. Don’t let him back. That is what I wish I would have done instead of going through all this heartbreaking stuff again and possibly another divorce with the same man. I still love him. But I love the man he was when I first met not who he has become.
I know it’s very difficult.